unruly 4 year old

[julantal]

this 'unruly" behavior has been going on for many monthes- gotten alot worse recently. Here is the latest incident-- any help or suggestions are greatly appreciated.

bedtime has been a battle- the other night i had told her that she was able to watch on additional show on tv... she began kicking my foot off the coffee table telling me to "go away". it told her taht i was not going to move and for her to stop she continued about three or four more attempts to get me to leave and finally i had had it!! i turned off the tv and told her that there would be no add'l show. well this when all hell broke loose. she began to cry and scream my husband simply said listen to your mother she was crying and screaming so much i was worried she would wake my 22mo old. she came to the bathroom to brush her teetha ll the while crying about the tv. we finally made it to her room to simply read a book when she demanded two books all the while crying and carrying on i simply said "that's it"
lights out well then she got really loud and started carrying on about not getting a book saying things like i hate you... I lost my temper and scramed back- "that's it go to bed" i went to leave and my husband came up and scolded her and turned out the light and we left. then the fun began, she came out of ther room a total of 5 times- all the while screaming, she turned on her own light and started to read a book to herself all the while crying and randominly screaming. again, my husband had had enough- went in to her room and took two of her most favorite items (he had warned her of this on one of her adventures out of her room).

she eventually fell asleep after crying and carrying on for about 1 and 1/2 hours-- but then this morning she was completely sweet and nice. we talked to her about the night before and she acted like she could care less.

she doesnt listen, has begun to give major attitude toward me and her little sister, she is rude and at times overtly beligerant

i feel like the worst parent lost completely lost on waht to do i have a tendency to completely losing it on her but the time night comes i so want her to got to bed that i find myself yelling at every bedtime it's so awful

i could go on and on (sorry) i feel lost and completely frustrated these breakdowns and scenerios are a dail occurance.

please help

I posted on someone else's thread earlier with a tricky toddler, my two pennies worth was that there are parent classes run at Sure Start centres you could go on. Your HV will be able to tell you about them. This may give you ideas. Some of my friends have been on them and found them really helpful.

I tend to tell my LO when she throws an almighty tantrum "that won't work my friend" and walk away. As long as she is safe, I just walk away and say that I am leaving the room and that she can come and find me when feeling better. The truth is I try to keep an eye on her but make sure she's not aware (peek through hinge) I often find that once she realises I'm not taking any notice she gets up and stops shouting.

Afterwards I try to resolve it by saying "now that was silly making all that fuss come and say sorry and have a cuddle".

Obviously if out and about you cannot do that. I try distraction and if that doesn't work, I tend to abandon the trip and get home. Then when we got home I'd say you cannot play with "favourite toy" when we get home as you've misbehaved.

I think this is a controversial area and lots of people will have different ideas. I think as long as you and your partner/ husband agree and are consistent sooner or later it'll pass.

I think it maybe worth reading a book or two though to be honest. A new book highly recommended in the Telegraph (my parents paper - not mine) and that I've been finding helpful is this

Have a read of the reviews and buy it if you like it. Perhaps the best thing in your situation is to swat up maybe on a book or two?

I always warn my daughter before doing any form of punishment but admit to completely loosing it with her too sometimes. We all do it.

You are doing the best you can, you are not a failure or the worst parent!

Sending you a virtual hug and hoping someone else has some advice for you x