why does my DS behave worse when both me and DH are around?

[kissmummy]

I'm just recovering from a truly horrendous day with DS who is 2.5 years old. I am a working mum and my week runs Tuesday-Saturday, so typically my DS only has one full day a week with both me and DH, which is on Sundays. (on a Saturday DH looks after him and on a Monday it's me.) We both spend time with him every morning (we have flexible hours) and evening on weekdays, and he is always happy, fun, cooperative etc. However, when it comes to Sundays, he is often very difficult and contrary, seemingly playing us off against each other (if daddy picks him up, he shouts for mummy; vice versa.), whining and having far more tantrums than usual. This has only started happening in the last few weeks. Is it because he is used to having only one person looking after him at a time and finds it difficult to adapt to having both of us? Is it because we're interacting with each other as well as him, so he's not getting 100pc of our attention? And does anyone have any tips for making things easier? (apart from giving up my job which isn't an option right now sadly)
at the moment it is putting a lot of pressure on our marriage as we only have one day a week together and it is not a happy one...

Sounds very familiar - our ds was very similar at that age. All I can say is, as with most things, it will pass - at 4, our ds is testing us in a whole range of other ways but that particular joy has gone.

I'm sure it's partly down to all the things you mention - if he's used to having 1:1 with one of you, then has to deal with both of you that's going to be hard, especially as you are trying no doubt to fit in some adult conversation as well.

We used to try and limit his choices in who did what, or ask him once then stick to it i.e. should mummy or daddy get your lunch? but then not let him change his mind. It was very hard work though, so my sympathies are with you.

My son is 2.2 and has been like this for quite a while now. He always behaves much better if he is just with one person. I don't have any advice but am hopeful that mamaduckbone is right and it will pass.

thanks, this is reassuring - I feel better having worked out why it is that we find Sundays so difficult. i didn't actually twig that it was linked to us both being there - naively I was thinking he'd actually be happier to have us both, not the opposite!

I sympathise totally. We are waiting to move into a new house and are currently living with my IL's (nightmare but that's another thread!). They used to look after DS (who is 23mths) for 2 days a week whilst I worked.

We found when we first got here that his behaviour when everyone was around was hellish - throwing food at the dinner table, lots of hitting and being spiteful. As soon as he was alone with any of us he would calm down. He was worse with me by far though - he would do this really really annoying whinging everytime I walked in the room.

We have found that trying to keep things clear for him has worked to calm things down. For example, I make his food and we eat together - or he will eat on his own with just me there. His daddy does the bath and puts him to bed. He spends time before bed reading his book with MIL.. that sort of thing. Just so he knows a bit more where he stands. Obviously if he does something wrong then it's me or DP that sort out the discipline.

It has definately helped so maybe you could try being a bit more strict with who does what in the routine. I would also try a bit of bribery! You could plan to do something - say go to the park or swimming to show him that this day is meant to be a fun day all together. If he keeps playing up then tell him you will have to go home.

I think if you try and emphasise the fun and positives then he will soon get used to it.

In the meantime deep breaths!!