Whingy and hard to please 4yr old?

[nicdon]

hi,
this is my first time posting on here, so forgive me if i get it wrong.
I have 3 kids, dd 8yrs, ds1 4yrs and ds2 23mths.
My ds1 is a very whingy little boy. So hard to please, everything is a drama with him, but outside with other people he can be so good. Now i know kids play up for their parents and are good for others, which i am glad he is good for others, but he is breaking me down. Nothing i do seems to please him. I have tried everything, from shouting, ignoring, praising, rewarding the good. I always have put it down to his 'personality' as dd is a very laid back girl who would do anything to please.
Today we were at a family christening, and we didnt go to the service as ds2 was napping. So we went to the reception, and for the first 15mins ds1 was good. Plenty of distraction, cousins etc. Then he starts, crying for a drink, gets a drink, then for cake, then for this and that etc. Like there was other kids younger than him and he was the only one who played up. I took him out and told him if his behaviour didnt change he would be going home. So back in, and he starts again. So we ended up leaving with ds2. (I left dd with family) Now i feel such a failure, as ds2 was enjoying himself, i was relaxing and then because ds1 plays up we have to leave!!
I have tried taking toys of him he loves before, like his DS, but i just dont know what to do.
I somehow dont think this is a phrase, as before i said its his personality.

Sorry for this being so long.
Oh and to add, i am currently 21wk preg with another boy!!!

Congratulations on your pregnacy!!!

1st of all don't worry also could you be feeling the strain due to being pregnanant?

Here are some tips I hope help:

1. first I would say pick your battles and think about what is important to you, weather or not that your son cleans his teath before or after he has washed his face is not that important, weather he holds your hands by a busy road is important.
2. I know you say you have tried ignoring but I would say this is your best friend, if he has started being silly then I suggest that you move away, and give attention to your girls.
3. Next I surgest praise praise praise for all the good behaviour as this along with ignoreing the negative should help your little boy understand what the best behaviour is to get your attention.
4. If you have said NO then stick to it however hard it may be.
5. Good luck don't dispair.

Hi and congrats too!

My first time too, you're not alone! I really feel for you, it's such a shame that your whole family's day had to be ruined. However, I do agree with Cloud that you must stick to what you threat.

I had a similar time when my current DS 5.5 was 4.5. Everything he did was to try and gain my negative attention, and I could see from the corner of my eye that he was watching me, just waiting for a reprimand. I found a very simple solution and it's one that seems to be suggested time and time again on MN.

Whenever he did something really naughty (not dangerous, just down right provocative) and was convinced I would blow up at him for, (which, I'm afraid, I often did) I simply turned the other way. He got VERY puzzled!! Suddenly he wasn't in control anymore, I had refused to play his game. Then, when he did something good, I would go all out to praise him big time.

It meant I had to do a lot of ignoring of things i would normally had jumped at him for, but it paid off.

I know the constant whinging for drinks / cake is wearing, but could you have just blanked him?

nicdon, if you search for posts with 4yr old boys on here you'll find so much that chimes. Honestly for some reason four seems to be a major battle ground. I think thecloudhopper's wise, so pick your battles and stay firm. All I would say is don't linger on it. So with the Christening, rather than leave a cloud over him, tomorrow when he's happy maybe sit him down with a biscuit and a cuddle and talk to him about it in a 'what was that all about' sort of way? Let him talk if he can - let him say if he thinks you were in the wrong even. But get him to agree it wasn't good. Tell him you love him lots, but he absolutely can't do that again and then move on. Somehow I've found with my DS that it really helped him work out how to behave. It will pass though, promise. + good luck with your new baby. You're a braver soul than I

Ooh buttercat's right that's a good one - hard when you're in public, but at home ignoring them is a great tactic.

Thank you all for your replies.

Well today it was an 'easier' day. Well the start wasnt great as he wet the bed, but i am putting that down because of yesterday. I didnt make any issue of it and give him a kiss and cuddle during the night.
We really didnt mention yesterday, only when he wanted his DS (but we reminded him that it was taken of him because of his behaviour), and then give him a kiss and distracted him with something else.
It is hard to ignore the whinging, but i am trying. I have realised the shouting tactic doesnt work, and i am watching what i am saying.
Its just so embarrasing seeing him behave like that, especially when my older daughter was never like that. Thankfully my youngest son is taking after his sister, so goodness knows what personality this baby is going to take after!! lol
He does love his cuddles and i made sure tonight before bedtime he got some 'mummy and me' time.
Thank you all once again for your replies, its helps to know that i am not the only one going through this.
x