we have 18 month old, it depends what mood i am in what i do
there is not usually much point in strapping in forcibly, even if i feel like it, as he will then just scream and won't settle down or eat anything anyway
if he doesn't want to get into the highchair, sometimes i delay the meal until later, sometimes i use a distraction and tempt him in, sometimes i go and sit at the table myself and eat with his brother, which often makes him want to come and eat
i don't think there's anythign wrong with using a toy etc as a distraction to get them into the high chair at this age
it's already a pay off between what they want to do (roam freely causing havoc) and what you want them to do (sit nicely causing no mess), so why shouldn't they have an inducement? there seems to be a culture on MN sometimes that if you make any concessions towards what your children want then you are heading for anarchy and your children are spoilt and nasty
our latest disctraction (now the advent calendar is gone) is a thing called mr grasshead
it is a face with grass seeds in the top, you water it and it grows grass hair ds2 loves it and waters and strokes it but we only get mr G out at meal times
the other thing you could do with a really young toddler like this is ditch the high chair for a while and just let them snack on things while playing
many prefer to sit at a little chair and table and the novelty will often keep them sitting longer
i don't know if you read dr sears (very gentle, child focused parenting advice) but he advises the snack tray, filled with nutritious foods, just leave it out and let them get on with it
oh sorry (rereading) you have tried that
well if he really is hungry, he will eat - if not hungry, it doesn't matter that he won't sit down
BF an active toddler is ok - just get your head round it that it's going to be this way for a while - eat a lot yourself - and try to enjoy the sitting down parts (you don't get so many of those as your child gets older)
i know you said that sitting down for a family meal was one of your big goals - well of course - but you need to be thinking long term here
you want to all be sitting down happily together when LO is 3 or 4, hopefully, but it really doesn't matter if that isn't happening every day when he is 1
you said you were working on getting him to choose to come and sit down - yes that's the right idea - but he won't choose that every day or even at all, for some time yet! you can't say you are letting him choose, and then decide that he has to choose it NOW
really do think long instead of short term and do whatever feels right at each meal time, for now
being flexible and keeping a sense of humour are your two KEY parenting skills at this age IMO
and distraction, playing and humour are your key skills for quite a while, to get children to do the things you need them to do!