Anyone tried Controlled Crying with a 3 year old?

[CDMforever]

Our DS2 aged 3.3 goes to sleep fine whilst I read to him but then wakes around 9pm and will only go back to sleep in our bed but with me in it! Obviously I'm not ready to go to bed at 9. We don't mind him coming into us in the middle of the night but feel we're not spending any time together as a couple at the mo.
Asked advice of the health visitor who suggested controlled crying which I have used on younger chn. I feel quite anxious about using it this time as feel its more cruel as they get older, not sure why?
Don't know whether to just carry on getting very early nites and not see my DH in the evenings and it might just be a phase or bite the bullet and do the c crying thing which I know will be very hard as he is one wilful little tike! Have a DD aged 17mo so will wake her too.

I'm not sure Controlled Crying would work / be helpful. Sleep rules that your child "buys" into / understands and a reward chart might be better. Reducing contact at night and walking DS back to bed without talking etc may take time and require persistance but should make things better.
Good Luck!!

I agree - controlled crying won't work on an older child but stickers and bribes do!

CC sounds like a bad idea to me too. Does he like stories?? Could you put an audio book on low for him if he's quiet and stays in bed? I know it's a treat but it's not his fault he can't sleep and if it's something he knows really really well it won't keep him awake, he'll just nod off listening to it.

I wouldn't with a 3 year old. I would try a sticker chart.

Does she fall asleep while you read to her - if so, it may be that her unconscious wakes her and then she feels insecure because you are no longer there.

My DS2 (age 6) tends to wake in the night if my DH or me hasn't said goodnight to him (because he has already fallen asleep).

Another thing - my DS1 had night terrors - waking a few hours after bed is classic . What is she like when she wakes up ?

I would start by not getting him to sleep by reading to him. I would do gradual withdrawl.

First night read a story but finish whilst he's still awake. Just sit there until he goes asleep.

After a few nights sit by the doorway whilst he goes to sleep, after a few days wait at the top of the stairs etc etc

Also bribes for being a big boy about the change in routine.

If he still wakes at 9pm but him back to bed in his bed but sit there whilst he goes to sleep repeating what ever you do at his usual bedtime (no stories though!).

Smee, I had considered the audio tape idea but worried if he became too reliant on it then something went wrong or broke!

Jamie, I think you've hit the nail on the head with him waking then worrying because I'm not there.

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching about this whole sleep thing and have come to the conclusion that I won't be doing CC as it will cause him far too much distress just so I can get to watch some telly and chat to DH. He's obviously feeling insecure about something and in fact sometimes asks me in the day if I will ever leave him alone. He's recently moved rooms at nursery and isnt happy going in (tho I know he settles very soon after I've left) so thats another cause of anxiety for him.
It is really hard when I've had a hard day knowing that I won't get much time to myself in the evening but I'm sure (I bloody hope!) that in a few months things will have improved. Also I know that things could be a LOT worse. He's a lovely, healthy,beautiful little lad by day and just doesn't wanted to parted from his mummy at the moment. Thanks all for your advice.

Sorry, kept referring to your DS as "she" !

thats ok. He's being a right "little madam" as we speak!

I wonder if it be worth doing the "I'll come back and check on you in 2 mins" when you put him to bed. Then you must do it though, literally leave the bedroom door open and keep going back every 2 minutes - a good time to put washing away and tidy up bedrooms.

This will get him used to going to sleep without being read but it will also reassure him that you are not going to disappear and that if you see you will be back in 2 mins (longer term perhaps every 5 or 10) he will know that you mean it. Sometimes I think that by always being there for him going to sleep is feeding his fear that he isn't able to go to sleep without you there IYSWIM.

CDM, good point about the audio book, but if it helps change his habit it might be worth it. ie it keeps him in bed and gives you some time with DH (ie sanity!). Once you've won the staying in his own bed battle, you can shift it again, so maybe say things like - I'll just nip and get a CD, back in a few minutes, etc, etc - if he's relaxed enough he'll drop off again before you're back. Just do it all in stages. It'll work in the end.

Try changing what is going on at night. Sticker chart for staying in bed, adn great rewards if he gets more happy stickers than sad faces (maybe new pjs?) Bath before bed to see if that helps settle him. Have you tried playingabout with darkness/light on/nightlight etc. Or a picture of you next to his bed, or an item of your clothing, or pillw slop so that he can cuddle that and it smells like you? And what worked with my early risers was a lamp on a timer so that they now know it is not morning time until the lamp is on. Hasn't fixed it completely, but it has made it reasonable!

I don't think controlled crying will work at that age.

my health visitor recommended the same thing and my son has now been asleep for half an hour. He has a reward chart and tomorrow morning may be the first time he ever gets to put a sticker in the bed box! It is bloody hard with a tree year old (mine turned 3 on hallowe'en).
My son will naturally pass out between 12pm and 1am, so first thing she recommended was not trying to do bedtime until 9.30pm, which we did. He got out of bed a zillion times, so I couldn't go further than my own bedroom. Each time he screamed and ran to his bedroom window begging for his very lenient "nanny" (my dad's missus). Each time I lay him back down, kissed his head then left again. The last time I caved a bit and sat in his bedroom doorway facing away from him. I got up whilst he was still awake and walked away. He shouted again but this time he didn't get out of bed. I sat in my room again and waited until he fell silent and eventually went downstairs and here I am.

So no, I'm not the authority on toddler sleeping, and we haven't even completed our first night, but it is a fact that you can re-programme a little one in a week so yeah, it might be harsh but I signed up to give you my input today and i promise I'll come back tomorrow to let you know if it worked. x

I said i'd update you in the morning. My son woke up twice last night; one at 4am for a drink and went back to sleep, and i'm not sure what time the other was (it was still dark) but I called to him and he said "goodnight mammy". He's woken in very good spirits, 9.30 (late but then we didn't have sleep lift off until 11pm)
So my vote goes to controlled crying for 3 yo!

The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers has lots of ideas for different sleep problems.

my 3 year old gets 10 mins to play with his torch in the dark. By the time we go back in (sometimes half an hour later) he is asleep. This is the boy who was fed to sleep for 2 years and cuddled to sleep for the last year. Now he tells us to turn the light off and shut the door A torch!!! £5 from elc!