At what point do you know your child's anxiety is worse than typical young childrens' worries and what do I do about it?

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DD is 7 and has always had a more quiet/sensitive disposition. She's always very anxious when she's new to a group/school/activity. I've never mollycoddled her and have taken the sympathetic but positive and breezy-sounding approach and have not allowed her to dip out of activties because she is crying or feeling sick to her stomach nervous.

I've coached her gently through new beginnings and she's a lovely little girl, popular with friends, hard working, determined, active, brave etc... But, at age 7, it seems apparent that the anxiety is here to stay. She barely can talk to adults or speak up for herself. Her voice is so quiet and strained when she is stressed. She worries about so many little things.

She's not trying to avoid school or activties so I know that I should be grateful that this is not affecting her work or her friendships at school. But I would like to help her more and don't like to think of her growing up with everything being such a worry and a struggle.

What can I do? Will the school ever pick up on this and do anything to help or do I speak to our gp or do I have to seek out private CBT for her?

I can really sympathise with the "not wanting her to grow up with everything being a worry".

Bach flower remedies, specifically Jan de Vries Confindence Essence worked wonders for my little worry billy. Now he tells me when he feels nervous about something, sometimes we just talk it through and sometimes he says he would like some "bravery" drops in his school water bottle.

I have been told that intervention occurs when anxiety begins to affect everyday life negatively.

Told by whom cornsilk? Do you have a similar child?

I am in a similar position with my 4 (going on 5) year old. She worries so much about so many different things. She worries about saying and doing the wrong thing, health (hers and others), lifts, dogs... She's very bright and analytical, very verbal and is able to talk about her worries which I find reassuring to a degree.
I did find a book on amazon called
'What to do when you worry too much; a child's guide to overcoming anxiety' which has some good strategies in it, and has helped to a degree. I am rolling with it for now, but am unsure when to talk to a GP about it, or if it's not serious enough..
Any similar experiences or advice appreciated

DD1 was kind of similar (although not especially concerned about what her peers thought about her - was some bullying stuff which thankfully went straight over her head), but woudln't talk to an adult for years and years. We eventually have come ot the conclusion that she either took her time to decide if she liked an adult enough to actually interact with them, or decided straight off if she was prepared to "make an effort" - in fairness, she had (and still has) little patience with the "fluff" of everyday non-parent adult - child conversations "so, what music do you like, how is school, what are you reading at the moment")

What helped was simply growing up, and having loads of support at home - eg I gave her plenty of opportunities to respond to other adults, but would step in at the point just before she got really uncomfortable.

Now at nearly 17 she has happily gone off to a strange office for work experience and introduced herself to the managing partner (who commented that she looked him straight in the eye, and not at her shoes as he would have been expecting); she coaches her sport; she's an almost Head Girl equivalent at school and has to take assemblies; the thought of university interviews is not phasing her at all.

It was pretty hellish to live through the primary years, but things did get a lot better at secondary scool - a lot of her "issues" were due to her primary school not recognising/accepting that she was G&T (under the old criteria of potential rather than actual achievement), so the change of school to where they did value her as she was helped.

She still feels "different" to most of her peers/friends, but accepts that, and is happy now - as she said she'd rather be like her, than almost anyone else. (and i'm happy she's not out necking cider in the bus shelter of a Friday night like her mother was )

Don't know if that helps at all, as it's really horrid while you're going through it, but there was light at the end of the tunnel for us.

I think the fact that she overcomes her shyness a lot of the time is the thing to hold on to, because if she continues on that path it will improve as she matures. Sometimes people are just 'nervous types' and there's nothing you can do to change that fundamental characteristic. The ones that struggle are the ones that never learn coping strategies and who let it affect their lives. On the other side of the coin there are lots of incredibly successful people who will tell you that they still find situations heart-stoppingly scary, but they get on and do it anyway.

I've had a lot to do with theatre & singing groups down the years and seen very shy people completely transformed through that. By doing something that for a shy person is the most terrifying thing on earth - standing on a stage and singing/speaking out loud - it puts other situations into perspective.

Good luck

I think that sometimes it is important to let the child recognise that something makes them uncomfortable, and allow them to opt out.

For example, my DD is 4.6, and has SN. She has been at preschool for 2 years, but suddenly is not wanting to go without me. I don't know why, but I do know her anxiety is real. So for now I am going with her, and we will work to reducing that.

Could you give her a little 'worry book'? Somewhere she can write down what she is anxious about, which she can either share with you or keep private?

I do think that there are some personalities which are more like this. I am to a degree, and my DD2 (2.10) is much more reserved than DD1.