How to prepare a socially awkward pre-schooler for 'big' school?

[MavisGrind]

Possibly not the right topic but there are many factors at play here....

To be brief, ds1 (3.7) has been in a day care setting (part time) since 19 months, he's currently in a small school nursery five mornings a week. He moved nursery in September after we moved house due to myself and H separating.

So, last year he had - new brother, parents split, move house, new nursery. A lot for the little fella to cope with. He's always been quiet when out even though he's fine at home and with friends he's known for a long time.

We're due to move (again) later this year as I'm starting teacher training so ds1 will make the move up to reception. Having spoken to his teacher today she's concerned how he'll make the transistion

Has anyone any experience of preparing a shy, slightly eccentric little boy for reception? This year is going to be hard for all of us and I want to make it as easy for him as possible.

TIA

Do you know any other children going to be in his class? It might be worth having some over for play dates so he feels more familiar with them.

Why is his teacher concerned? Does he show any behaviour at the moment which warrants it? As worrying as it is for you as his mum, if it's something the teacher has picked up you should be asking them how they are going to help him deal with it. Once he is in school they will be the ones primarily who help him so I would get their advice and suggestions.

Knackered76 - we don't know anyone as yet as we will be moving 200 miles away. The concern is that he is quite withdrawn, doesn't like to play much with the other children and generally doesn't like to get involved.

They have put some measures in place but I'm just interested to see what others have done to build the confidence of shy children?

I have a friend whose daughter is the same. She has spent time with the health visitor talking about her concerns and ways to help. Suggestions have been to focus on a single child and develop that friendship, which I suppose is very difficult for you at the moment, and getting them used to increasingly larger groups of children by taking them to the park, then a few round to play, then soft play, etc. When are you moving?

There is also the chance that once all the changes have happened he will slowly start to come out of his shell. As you say he (and you) have had a lot to cope with in a short period of time.

Sorry, not really been much help

My ds1 was shy and socially awkward when he started in reception class. It helped that he did know one boy particularly well, because I was friendly with his mother. They'd never really enjoyed playing together before they started school, or even particularly liked each other, despite the amount of time they spent in each others' company, but they gravitated towards each other in reception class (or at least, ds's friend gravitated towards him, as my ds was far too awkward to take the risk of communicating with anyone who didn't start the process themselves). I think this really helped my ds to feel settled, as he'd never established friendships with other children before then. The school were also wonderful - teacher and teaching assistants all kind, sensitive and thoughtful towards him (and towards all the other children in the class, of course!). He may have remained shy and socially awkward, but he certainly improved a lot and continues to do so in year 1, and most importantly of all, he adores his school and adores his teacher. He comes home happy every day, and also a little bit more confident each day.

I think you may be surprised quite how many 5 and nearly-5-year old children there are out there who seem to be attracted to quiet, awkward children (in a nice way at this age, rather than a worrying one) - my ds's reticence seems to attract a lot of interest from the girls, who want to mother him, and also from the slightly less confident boys looking for someone they feel safe with. So far, he hasn't attracted any unkind attention from the other children for his quietness - he actually seems very well liked.

Thanks knackered and rabbit - I'm sure he'll be ok in the long run, I just feel that the events of the last year are obviously exacerbating his shyness. I'm particularly sensitive about this as I was bullied at school so I'm mindful of being in danger of problems that are'nt really there.

We'll get there in the end.