5 months old baby...young for discipling?

[sweetexpectation]

Friends are telling me how i am spoiling him by holding him when ever he cries, but he is one loud baby,he screams until picked up, i dont know what to do.

Should i be strict and let him cry it out?

what else do you need to get done that's more important than cuddling the baby?

I would also point out to yer 'mates' or whoever that a 5 month old does not have the ability to learn from any 'discipline' that you might give.

This is an old wives tale perpetuated by people who know nothing about babies and think it's circa 1870.

I do think though there is a difference between cuddling/comforting and picking up/carrying around all the time (if you want to, fine, but I didn't!) I used to put mine at that age in a bouncy chair in the same room as me for some of the time - lots to look at, I could chat to them and interact, but also get on with other things. I couldn't have carried them around all the time. Lots of cuddles too though.

Tilly pass that baby over here .

Last week i had a friend over who is due to have her baby in june, she saw my son sitting on my lap the whole time, and when i put him in his playmat and make coffee he started to cry and she said to me when she has her baby she wont let anyone hold, even her she said she wont hold him much as she doesnt want her baby to be like mine.

Ofcourse my replay was we will see when you have one of your own,but she insisted its best both for the parent and for the baby.

nickschick - will be happy to take you up on that offer at 3am

Someone said to me once when ds1 was tiny "If you keep picking him up when he cries he'll just think you'll pick him up every time" and I said "Yes, I want him to think that", possibly the only time in my life I had the perfect response at the time and didn't only think of it at 4 in the morning as I paced the floor patting his back.

I can't see how cuddling a baby would "spoil" him.

Keep cuddling your baby is my advice, and enjoy him.

Id be there in a heart beat Tilly .

Have you tried telling them to Fuck Off? Although you sound far too patient and nice to do that

Seriously though, I have had one very clingy baby and one not, it is nothing that you do or don't do, it's how they come out, and as such it is cruel to ignore him because he wants a cuddle.
I agree with all the others who have said to try a sling if you are worried about getting things done, a Mei Tai is good for quickly using and wearing round the house.
Try looking at Slingmeet for an idea and see if there is anyone near you who can help you use one, and this group always has cheap second hand carriers for sale.

Now you need MN's help for the perfect list of comebacks.

I vote for
Fuck Off (always a goodie)

I think fuck off is one that cant be misinterpreted .

OP, your friend will change her mind quickly! Everyone has grand designs about parenthood in theory, she'll learn practice is very different

Either that or she'll give her newborn an attachment disorder by ignoring its only way to communicate with her

Seriously though, how does she expect to know when her baby is hungry, lonely, sleepy etc? A telegram?

Give your baby all the cuddles you want!

you won't spoil your baby by giving him cuddles, honest guv.

You can't discipline a baby!
Follow your instincts and ignore your friends.

Thank you everyone. I will try the sling, nothing that important to do just the normal stuff.
I guess i should just follow what my instinct tells me and do my best.

Yes, instinct always knows best.

It's the normal stuff that it helps with, like being able to eat with 2 hands and MN housework

sweet I have a 3 month old and always carry/sling him and he rarely cries. As others have said, your "friend" is wrong. Unfortunately babies are not born with the ability to converse, therefore they cry when they need something.

I saw the saddest thing the other day at an NCT meet up where one of the mums left her baby on the floor and he was screaming (red face, clenched fists). She ignored him for ages and cooed over another baby (FFS??!). I couldnt help judge. Anyway turns out the poor blighter was hungry but as she'd ignored him for so long, it took her ages to work it out once she finally gave in (I think the pointed looks from me amongst others may have pressured her ;) ). Poor guy nearly ate her boob off. If she'd responded quicker then it would have saved the stress to the poor little thing.

Babies are for cuddling!

What could a 5 month old be doing that would warrant discipline?

Agree with everyone else about your baby being much too young for discipline. At the moment he has no idea about anything other than what he wants and at this age what he wants and what he needs are pretty much identical. A baby of this age needs lots of response to his attempts to communicate because he needs to know that someone is listening and with him. A sling is a very good idea (if you can borrow some to try out then this would be a good idea as you may find that one kind suits you and your baby much better than another eg I loathed my Baby Bjorn but loved my ring sling).

Also, I would say that of course you need to get on with some things. You need to feed yourself and get washed and get your clothes clean etc. But try to lower your expectations a bit until your son is old enough to manage being physically separate from you a bit more easily. If maybe you don't get to do the dusting as often as you would like or don't clean the bath for a week or two, it won't be the end of the world and you will have plenty of time in the rest of your life to do stuff like that.

Also, your friend has literally No Idea how it feels to be the mother of a baby who wants you and needs you right now. When she does she may alter her ideas a little! I am sure we all had ideas that simply weren't workable in practice once we actually had a baby to look after!

Agree with all the posters on here, but also just a word to say it is ok to leave him to cry for a few minutes if you need to get something done, like go to the toilet or something. Not suggesting leaving him to cry it out or discipling him, but if you are struggling it won't hurt him for a few minutes while you have a shower etc.

Hope the sling helps though.

Agree with everyone, including Bumperlicious. My 8m ds likes to be carried all the time. I have a sling and we use it all the time when out and about, but I find it's not that useful for some of the day to day chores like picking up bits of plastic crap that my dd has strewn around the floor, getting dd dressed etc. I also don't like cooking while he's in it as he's too wriggly.

So there are some times when he has to sit on the floor and wait for me to finish. I talk to him throughout and pick him up every now and again to reassure him. I don't think this is damaging him at all - but if I left him there for any length of time, or deliberately trained him not to cry, then I would feel pretty bad about it.

Sweet - get hold of a copy of 'What Every Parent Should Know' (might be 'needs to' instead of 'should') by Margot Sunderland, or Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt for a more wordy book. They both explain exactly why it is so important not to ignore a crying baby - lend them to your friends