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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Bad behaviour a preschool

13 replies

lostthewill · 19/01/2010 12:42

Hi,

I'm after some advice as I don't think I handled an incident that well yesterday. I collected ds 2.5 from preschool to be told he'd had a bad morning hitting and kicking the other children. From the age of 20months hitting has been an issue with him but has slowed down lots. I spoke to him in the car about what he had done, ended up raising my voice at him, of course he denied everything telling me he had been a very good boy I also spoke to him when we got home telling him it made me sad that he'd hurt the other children and that he wouldn't get any treats.

I just really didn't know how hard I should have been at home knowing he'd been spoken to at preschool and made to sit away from the other children.

Will I ever get this parenting lark right? Will he ever stop hitting?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 19/01/2010 12:48

Stop worrying, they all go through this stage, it has nothing to do with your parenting skills.
Tell him that we don't do this because it hurts and it's wrong to hurt someone. Don't drag it out by witholding treats because he won't remember what he's done. The punishment needs to be there and then IYSWIM.

Original poster

lostthewill · 19/01/2010 15:14

Thank you. Thats what I thought. I didn't want to harp on too much but didn't want to dismiss it either. Every time I think he is done with hitting it starts up again I can't even figure out what triggers it. Thank you for your advice anyway BelleDeChocolate

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MadamDeathstare · 19/01/2010 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pranma · 19/01/2010 15:55

My instinct is that it may be a bad idea to punish him again by witholding treats.He is very little and has already had an appropriate consequence at preschool.

menopausemum · 19/01/2010 19:00

Hi, have you asked the pre-school supervisors if they've noticed any particular triggers? Sometimes there can be a reason which can only be spotted if they watch closely. I too think that what happens at pre-school stays there. He needs a clean start when he gets home, he's only very young so only deal with what you actually see, not with what he does when you're not there.

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 19/01/2010 19:54

Children this age often pick up behaviours from other 'little darlings' around them. He may just be copying what he is seeing at nursery. If other children are allowed to behave like this at home then they will continue to do the same at nursery, it is often confusing when home and nursery don't give them the same message, that this is wrong. All you really can do is keep telling him that we don't behave this way because it is wrong to hurt someone else this way. It will sink in eventually. A nursery punishment should stay at nursery and not become a home one aswell, he won't have the attention span for it to carry on and he won't remember what he's done. Have little chats with him, repeat them. Explain why we are tender, why we look after others and how we do this. If he has a favourite teddy then encourage him to be tender towards it.

You are doing a fantastic job. It's not easy being a parent, there are no instruction books, there's no one to turn to when we need some support or guidance. You are obviously doing your best to ensure that he grows up to be a caring, considerate child or else you would not be asking for advice about this. You are on the right lines so have faith in yourself.

Original poster

lostthewill · 21/01/2010 13:30

Thanks for all of your advice and support. I had a word with his care worker as suggested. She put it down to his age and the monday session has a lot 'energetic' older children and he tends to get hyped up with them. He seems to be in a quite physical place at the moment.

i know it will pass eventually but boy oh boy its blinking hard work in the mean time isn't it.

Thanks again to you all

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shivster1980 · 21/01/2010 13:44

We are having similiar difficulties with DS at nursery. He is 3yrs.

Before Christmas I was at my wits end. Every time I picked him up he had been aggressive and had spent time on the 'thinking chair'.

We started him on Omega 3 supplements after Christmas and it has made a world of difference for us. For our DS a lack of concentration is often at the route of his issues - he is a human whirlwind.

We also use a reward chart and he gets stickers for being kind and other stickers for listening to his teachers so usually we are able to give at least one sticker. His behaviour is far better in just a few weeks.

I do sympathise though. It is really hard to deal with and I feel a bit ashamed myself when I am told how he has behaved. I also feel strongly that I don't want him to create a bad 'reputation' for himself before he starts school in september.

shivster1980 · 21/01/2010 13:47

PS Try not to get disheartened - you are parenting well. We take it very personally when it is our DC in trouble. It's because we love them so much and want to get it right.

PPS please accept an unmumsnetty ((hug))

Original poster

lostthewill · 21/01/2010 15:54

Ah I had read about Omega 3. Think I can only start them when he is three is that right? Will definitely give it go. I walked in to preschool one day and a little boy pointed at ds and said 'He's a naughty boy' I just wanted to grab ds and run. There is no stronger feeling than that of protecting your child whether they are being little monkeys or not.

Well you've dashed my hope a little shivster as I keep saying to myself when he gets to three it will all be fine, maybe not

Unmemsnetty or not I needed that hug, so thank you.

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shivster1980 · 21/01/2010 18:38

Ah don't say that!!! My DS didn't start these 'interesting' behaviours until he was three so he is a late starter! In that respect you can comfort yourself that you are ahead of me! I think you are right about Omega 3. Most of the supplements say they are suitable for over 3s.

The first few days back after Christmas I just reinforced right up to the nursery door. "Remember no hitting today DS it is not kind and makes your friends upset" It was like a mantra! I also remind him about his reward chart and his treat at the end of the week! When he has a good day (ie no hitting) I make a really big thing of it. Loads of kisses, really upbeat, loads of praise etc. So far... it is working [fingers crossed emoticon]

shivster1980 · 21/01/2010 18:45

BTW I should add that apart from acknowledging the behaviour and expressing my disappointment in a quiet controlled kind of a way (most of the time I wouldn't make a big thing of it at home. Your DS is younger than mine and punishment after the event will just remind him what he did in the first place rather than help him do differently next time IYSWIM.

Although it is also easy to comment with the benefit of hindsight.

shivster1980 · 21/01/2010 18:52

I once heard a little girl talking to her mum on the way home. As we passed her mum said

"Is that one of your friends from nursery"

to which the little girl answered

"I don't like him he hits people"

I was really sad

However last week when I picked DS up the same little girl called out
"Bye Shivster's DS"
He responded
"Bye Ruby"
Then the gave each other a cuddle and Ruby gave him a kiss!

They can change!!!

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