Anxious 6yo...any thoughts?

[Flightattendant]

Could use some advice regarding how best to help my ds, if anyone has got any ideas. I just had a specialist assess ds1 for possible dyslexia. What she did was actually an 'intelligence test' which can highlight dyslexia among other things, so it was quite interesting.

Not got full writeup yet but have spoken to her, and what came back has kind of thrown me slightly.

It seemed to indicate that yes, he does have moderate dyslexia BUT she said none of the major markers are present...he scored highly on nearly everything and the remaining thing he couldn't do she put down to immaturity.

She thinks dyslexia showed up possibly for other reasons, but I can't remember what she said and it was all a bit inconclusive.

Anyway what she did say was his intelligence is roughly 98th/99th percentile, his cognitive ability is way up there (something like 140 IQ?) yet nobody has mentioned this at school...she said ds is the cleverest little boy she has dealt with.

She also said he is the most anxious.
I'm a bit unsure about how to handle this. We have a moderately uneventful home life, no big crises, though I do suffer with anxiety myself. I'm just not sure what to do for him.
He only recently started sleeping in his own bed (about a year ago) but continues to have a few issues with this, sleeplessness, wanting to sleep in my bed etc - sometimes has bad dreams - but I thought this was quite normal I suppose.
Have mentioned the dyslexia to school, but not sure what else I need to do. I don't want him to be anxious, and I can see that he is now she mentions it...sorry, am rambling a bit!

Thanks for any thoughts.

Thanks Ob I will do it. Just need to get my strength together and not be too appeasing.

Coco I am SO pleased to hear about your dd, I am amazed by what you say, just 4 sessions? Wow!
Really pleased for you and her.
what kind of therapy may I ask?

I have to put lads to bed in a mo but will read in the morn if I don't get back on tonite x

Thanks Jolly that sounds like a really sensible plan.

I need to write some things down so I'm clear what I want to see happen. mainly atm it's about him not being in some derisory 'group' which he is perceptive enough to realise is the bottom set. though reasons are unclear, and he has assumed it is to do with being the youngest in the class which does not hold water as one of them is already 7. I dread him finding out the truth, it won't be long.

I will be calm and considered and just phrase it as a polite request that he be considered as not below range but actually a frustrated genius which I'm sure they have never heard from a parent before.!

Thanks for all your help.

It's a form of CBT called EMDR, but she only started to do it today. Talking about her anxiety and 'measuring' it on a scale of 1-10, 5 or below is acceptable anxiety. Her therapist did relaxation with her before christmas, he recorded it a gave her a cd of it. She listens to it everyday and i think this has been the major turning point for her.

I saw some stuff in his office to, the were pictures that young childrn use to show what level of anxiety they are feeling, so he must work with younger ones too.

You might find that Primary Movement or Brain Gym might help

hi Flight - you could have been writing about my ds1 at the same age - incredibly bright (99.8th centile), yet only just learning to read at 6 and unable to write much at all, very, very anxious, unable to switch off, terrible to get to sleep at night, a real perfectionist and constantly falling below his own expectations of himself

He actually has a diagnosis of Tourette's Syndrome, aspects of Asperger's (but doesn't fulfil all the criteria) and generalised anxiety. At 6 we were really worried about him ....

However, 6 years later and he's a different child - he still has difficulties and gets incredibly anxious in unfamiliar situations but he's coping much better as he matures. He's now in Y8 and in top sets at school, but he's not the highest achiever in his year, even though he's probably got the highest IQ. He's getting himself to and from school on public transport on his own, is much better at sleeping, no longer troubled by bad dreams, much better at switching off

What helped was relaxation techniques at night - I'd get him to practise visualisation and positive affirmation (he used to call it 'calming down stories'), tons of exercise (he swims 6 days a week, runs, cycles, sport at school) as wearing him out physically helps him switch off mentally and just generally growing up

so what I"m trying to say is, try not to be anxious about him being anxious

Thankyou Coco, it sounds really positive for your dd and am glad it is making her feel better.

Mimsum that's great - hoping ds will get more involved in other things and less anxious as he gets older. This visualisation/ relaxation thing might be worth exploring. I'll see what I can find, he does have a cd player by his bed for stories and songs etc while he goes to sleep. The thought of me telling him stories is nice but I fear the assistance of a wakeful ds2 would not be welcome!! Maybe I can get him a cd to try.

I'll see what school come up with and take it from there...have scribbled a letter to his teacher this morning as I couldn't sleep, just saying that I am worried about his negative impression of himself and mentioning the high iq thing. I've said he really likes her and I am grateful for her help in getting his literacy moving, but I think we need to make a plan to boost his confidence and so can we please have a meeting.
Hoping she doesn't feel criticised, I gave it her and said it was in no way meant as a criticism...I think we just need to work together really.

The streaming thing really bugs me though, I didn't think kids were supposed to be segregated due to ability these days - I have terrible memories of the 'clever table' and the 'naughty table' at my primary school. Guess who ended up going to university, and who ended up working in Mcdonalds...I think the trouble is once you are put in a set like that, nobody questions whether you have got better at stuff or not, you just have that label forever.