sudden toilet training regression in 4yo dd. Issues with new sibling or something else?

[hairtwiddler]

DD has just turned four and got a new brother in November. She loves having him around, and is very affectionate. We've had no issues with jealously. She's at an age where she can happily play on her own for short periods, and so far it's been ok having two to look after. She's also in nursery every afternoon.

She's had loads of attention since he was born as since then we've had Christmas, new year, her birthday, and her birtday party, as well as another family celebration. She's been opening presents every week since mid November!! She's also had visits from grandparents, so the last few weeks have been the first few at home with just mum and brother for quite some time.

Two days in a row she's had soiled accidents. Yesterday while walking home from the park, today while playing upstairs. It was so bad I had to put her in the shower. She's not at all upset that it's happened, in fact appears to be quite enjoying the attention.

She's always tended to withhold - mostly wees, and we are usually locked in a 'do you need a wee?' battle, which drives me crazy. This weekend I told her I wasn't going to ask her any more, and that I trusted her to go when she needed to go. Then these accidents started.

Behavioural problem do you think, or could there be a medical cause. She does appear to be a bit uncomfortable, and is shifting about and pulling at her trousers.

Sorry this is long. I'm very frustrated as have 8wk old DS and am still constantly breastfeeding.

I'm sure that's it exactly bless her (if she was ill and had soiled by accident I think she'd be upset.

I haven't had this but my best friend had the soiling /weeing for attention thing with her dd1 when the new baby arrived. What worked for her (after months of scolding, reward charts, tearing her hair out etc) was to ignore it as much as possible. Obviously you can't ignore it totally but she didn't drop what she was doing (which is generally your first instinct) but would say a neutral 'oh dear. Go clean yourself up then' - she left clean clothes and wipes for her dd to use (she was 4.5 so a bit older than yours). She might just casually look in to check wiping was satisfactory, hands washed etc but no reminders, anger, conversation of any sort / minimum attention. DD then had to put dirty clothes in a bucket (left there for purpose), or a bag if they were at someone elses house. Then no discussion/recriminations. On the other hand huge praise for generally being a big helpful girl.

Anyway, hope this helps. This approach sorted things for her in a couple of weeks.

Thanks for reply wb. I think you are right. It was quite a day yesterday as she had a huge wet accident at nursery then another at home. Nursery nurse had a chat with her and agrees it's all about the attention.
Plan is to play down the accidents and make no fuss about them, and make sure I tell her loads how much I love her. Hard to do though, when sleep deprived and trying really hard not to be cross about it!
So far no accidents today and she's at nursery. Fingers crossed.

This sounds incredibly similar to what happeneed in our house!

DS2 arrived in May when DS1 was 3.11yrs. When DS2 got to 10 weeks old, DS1 started having poo accidents at home and at nursery. He'd been toilet trained for over 18 months and had also been dry at night for a long time so these poo incidents were almost inexplicable.

The consensus was that it was related to DS2s arrival. Anyway, we dealt with it with a sticker and reward chart. He responded well and got a sticker every day that he pooed in the toilet and not in his pants, and a prize at the end of 2 weeks pretty much solved it. We had the odd accident but it stopped the daily ones.

I found it quite difficult to deal with as he was old enough to know when to go to the toilet so felt that he had to be "told off" a bit without wanting to make a huge deal about it. Anyway, the sticker chart was what did the trick.

Now if only it would do the trick for the 8 months olds sleeping at night.....

Very similar! DS arrived when she was 3.11, he's 9 weeks old now! Glad to hear it resolved itself.
I've been here before when I started maternity leave and she started new nursery... just wet accidents then, and stickers worked that time.