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16.5 month old starting hitting other toddlers - but only when Mum is there!

4 replies

artifarti · 18/01/2010 12:51

My DS is 16.5 months old and has recently started hitting other toddlers ? but only when I am around. He goes to a childminder for three days a week and she says that he never does it when he is with her, either to the other children she looks after or when they go to playgroups ? he is a perfect angel with her! But whenever I take him to a playgroup or we are with friends and their toddlers, he will take a swipe at one of them or try and hit them with a book/brick/whatever ? I feel like I have to hover over him. At the moment, when he does it I say to him ?No, we don?t hit because it hurts? and then try and distract him. He knows that he isn?t meant to do it as he will go and try and do it again, whilst looking straight at me. He went through a phase of hitting me in the face but doesn?t do it very often now (I just put him down / moved away and so he got pretty bored of it, I think). He?s obviously doing it for attention and I think he gets jealous (if I hold another baby he goes nuts!)

Does any one have experience of this ? how did you handle it? Obviously I have to do something but I am also aware that I am probably giving him the attention he wants (I do give him plenty of attention as it is and always try and reward good behaviour). Help! I don?t want to have to hide away at home!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
artifarti · 18/01/2010 12:54

My DS is 16.5 months old and has recently started hitting other toddlers ? but only when I am around. He goes to a childminder for three days a week and she says that he never does it when he is with her, either to the other children she looks after or when they go to playgroups ? he is a perfect angel with her! But whenever I take him to a playgroup or we are with friends and their toddlers, he will take a swipe at one of them or try and hit them with a book/brick/whatever ? I feel like I have to hover over him. At the moment, when he does it I say to him ?No, we don?t hit because it hurts? and then try and distract him. He knows that he isn?t meant to do it as he will go and try and do it again, whilst looking straight at me. He went through a phase of hitting me in the face but doesn?t do it very often now (I just put him down / moved away and so he got pretty bored of it, I think). He?s obviously doing it for attention and I think he gets jealous (if I hold another baby he goes nuts!)

Does any one have experience of this ? how did you handle it? Obviously I have to do something but I am also aware that I am probably giving him the attention he wants (I do give him plenty of attention as it is and always try and reward good behaviour). Help! I don?t want to have to hide away at home!

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 18/01/2010 12:55

I think as he is so little I would do my best to ignore it (or at least, not show him you are reacting to it)

So if he hits another child in your presence, just pick him up or move him to another toy or whatever to distract him

I don't think they fully get the 'No' thing at that age and IME distraction is a bit more effective

If you're consistent with it hopefully he'll forget about it and move on to something else equally as annoying and challenging

artifarti · 18/01/2010 20:01

Thanks, I think you are right. I think there is a lot of attention-seeking (to me) going on at the moment. The word 'No' is like a red rag to a bull and so dealing with it all in a not making a big fuss way seems to be a good strategy...

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 18/01/2010 21:17

I agree with nnb - he's testing you. Actually it's probably as basic as him thinking "if I do this, wonder if she'll say that"

Try to keep your voice low-pitched.

My DS2 hit and bit (Eek), and tbh, I think I over-reacted at first. It's a really normal stage and he'll grow out of it.

It will oil the social wheels for you to apologise to the other child's parent (or child if they are upset)

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