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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

need advice on my 4yr old ds

22 replies

tjacksonpfc · 14/01/2010 20:52

Hi all i realluy need some advice on my 4 yr old ds behaviour. since my ds turned 4 in october his behavoiur has been awful.

he attends pre school 5 mornings a week and all day on a wednesday. he is a very articulate boy who had a glowing school report loads of friends at school and loved by the teacher. He is an october birthday so missed this years school intake.

The trouble starts when he comes home he is hyper and bouncing off the walls. I can talk to him till im blue in the face and he just doesnt listen. he has bad strops aswell.

He was desperate to start taekwondo with his sister which he now does. i was hoping this would calm him down but im wrong. He is on the go from when he gets up at 6:30 till he goes to bed at 7. im finding it exhausting and dont no how much longer i can go on for.

Im seriously thinking about trying to get him assesed for ADHD. all i want is my loving little boy back.

Any advice would be greatfully recieved sorry about the length of post. thanks

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lucyellensmumagain · 14/01/2010 21:17

you know, my DD was the same when she started school, she is a july four, so very young and i thought she would come home exhausted - yer right!! bounces off the walls as you say.

Its probably a stage of their development maybe, my thoughts on DD is that, OK she has been busy in school but in a structured, sitty downy type way - she just needs to let off steam. It could be the same with your DS.

Do you live somewhere where you could go for long walks, play parks - difficult this weather I know - even the demon soft play centre to blow away some of the cobwebs.

He does sound very normal though

Henrietta · 14/01/2010 21:24

Are you close enough to walk to school- may release some energy and calm down, or take to park on way home so that when he gets home its more to relax. overtiredness can create bouncing off walls too my dd had to go to bet 1/2 hr earlier for first term? a lot for them to take in. sorry misread he missed school intake. perhaps need to do something structured on a couple more afternoons then? swimming if you can be bothered? have a friend round - sometimes its actually easier - they wear each other out?

Original poster

tjacksonpfc · 14/01/2010 21:26

thanks for the reply lucyellen where we live we are surronded by fields and have a puppy so letting of steam is done daily so thats not the problem.

i dont no if the problem is that hes bored at school as hes been in nrsery for 18months now because of being oct birthday he just missed the intake.

OP posts:

Original poster

tjacksonpfc · 14/01/2010 21:31

thanks for reply henrietta unfortunatly its a 5 mile drive to school so no chance of walking. He does Taekwondo twice a week for an hour a time. Its the mood swings aswell which are gwetting to me at the moment.

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 14/01/2010 21:34

he sounds totally normal to me

some toddlers just have energy to burn and then some

not listening is usual - my DS is younger than yours but very similar

they still need to have instructions given time and time and again and things reinforced

DS is on the go from morning until night

agree that over tiredness can make some children appear hyper

Henrietta · 14/01/2010 21:42

Could be he needs to be mentally stimulated I remember and older friend had this with her son. I think he was fine once he started school, needed the structure and stimulus. I think mood swings come with the territory for kids anyway sounds like hes getting enough exercise, ask HV any ideas, or perhaps get some lighthearted school material shape of sticker books whatever just do 1/2 hr with him- would reassure him you're spending quality time with him and stimulate his brain??? if doesn't work you wont have lost anything

Henrietta · 14/01/2010 21:44

ps they're really funny about diagnosing ADHD and the like at early ages so that might just be a waste of energy-others will be able to advise you there or search for other ADHD threads but I think 4 yr olds tend to have a lot of energy anyway.

HeraldAngel · 14/01/2010 21:48

He sounds like a completely normal boy to me. I think any boy could be diagnosed with ADHD! Seriously, I'd think very carefully about medicalising boyishness. It's a pain; in fact, losing your lovely little boy is downright horrible (I know - mine turned into a horror at 4, and isn't much better at nearly 8!!) But they all seem to get there in the end.

I think they all work very hard to be very, very good at school/pre-school, and then they take it out on someone 'safe' (i.e. you - lucky you!)

cory · 15/01/2010 09:25

Be thankful it's not the other way round: hyper at school and quiet as a mouse at home. I found it helped to think through what a massive effort it is for a lively little boy to behave in an acceptable way at school or pre-school, and try to cut him a little slack at home.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 15/01/2010 09:55

I totally agree with Herald about 'medicalising' boyishness. This is what boys DO, they are incredibly physical and I do know at 4, an awful lot of them seem to have a big surge in tantrummy behaviour...I've read about it on here as a testosterone surge at this age so that would exlpain the change.

This is just personally, but personally I wouldn't have him in pre school that much, specially as it's a fair drive...to him, that's basically alot of his week either strapped in the car, or doing fairly inactive play in a room with others....lots of GOOD in playing at pre school but it is not as physical as it could be.

I would have him in pre school half the week and have him with me the rest and take him on LONG walks, to the park, swimming etc.

CocoK · 15/01/2010 10:04

I have two of those right now - it's normal boy behaviour but very tiring... Agree with suggestion of upping physical activity as much as possible. Also emphasise routine at home, so he knows what will happen when, especially in terms of doing something calming like watching a favourite tv programme or audio book before tea and bed (nothing very hectic obviously). Would recommend reading Steve Biddulph's Raising Boys if you haven't come across it yet.

HeraldAngel · 15/01/2010 17:49

Cirrhosis, I'd do the same. When my DS was four, he went to pre-school for two mornings - and the rest of the time, we basically burnt off as much energy as possible outside (quite hard work as DD was two at the time, and hates anything resembling physical activity!!) It does make a difference, though. I now walk DS 3 miles to school and back for precisely the same reason.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 15/01/2010 20:03

6 miles a day - wow that is good for all of you I expect!

I do think that often people think that the stimulation of pre school is better than that at home but imho the physical activity is fairly minimal - you can't have 25 or so 2, 3 and 4 yr olds haring about the room, so they are given activities to do which involve a lot of sitting, understandably. Outside play is ok but again playgrounds don't tend to be huge and how much are they out in it during this weather? As parents we can do more with the physical side of things, imo.

SarahMumtoAlex · 15/01/2010 20:21

I went to a 4th Birthday party with mine last weekend at an indoor playground with a 'soft play' areas for babies. There were no babies so about 6 of the 4 year old boys took it over an threw things at each other for about an hour. (thankfully not my ds, but I think he was just bust elsewhere) Dh said, I never realised it was for cage fighting.

Its an exciting and frustrating time for them. Loads of rules, loads of energy and to add to the mix, I've read they have a burst of testosterone at this age which is nearly as strong as at puberty - noone knows why. Do you get the sudden growl face?

Enjoy the moments of joy, try to ride the wave and we can all hope they'll settle later

LittleHarrysMum · 15/01/2010 20:32

I'm sooo glad I have come across this thread!

My DS is 3.5 so a little younger but I was also worried about ADHD as his mood swings, hyperactivity were almost too much to bear!

This is making me think he is just anormal little boy who has stared pre-school, lots of different rules etc. to follow whilst there.

Sarah - I get the growl face!!!

CirrhosisByTheSea · 15/01/2010 20:44

oh, also I meant to add that I think that children who are very good at pre school are really working hard...they learn what behaviour is expected, and they work hard to deliver it. Clearly it is not coming that naturally and they need to let off steam - I remember when DS was in Year R, he was a combination of exhausted and hyper.

ruddynorah · 15/01/2010 20:50

you need to read 'raising boys' by biddulph

it is fab and has a whole section about when boys turn 4. tis fab

Original poster

tjacksonpfc · 16/01/2010 22:41

thanks all for your replys. Only jsut had a chance to get back on here to read them all.

I would be reluctant to shorten his time in pre-school as he loves being there and has been going since he was 3. It is a great school with small class with 3 teachers and they go outside every day regardless of the weather.

I dont get the scowl face off of my ds i get the arms folded head down its not fair comment and i admit i have to try my best not to laugh.

we have had a great day today brought a new gameon the wii for him and his sister and they have played lovely no tantrums. I suppose ill have to weather teh storm and count down till full time school in septrmber .

Glad you found this thread helpfull littleharrysmum my threads normally die rapidly lol

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AlpenCrazy · 16/01/2010 23:02

normal boy

my DS exactly like this 6 now needs lots of mental stimulation and physical activity. totally agree with comments about good at sch/taking it out on u at home, this is exactly what my DS does, teachers pet at sch comes out of class and greets me with a grunt and a punch

its not personal its letting off steam gets easier once they are at sch, fill him up with activities eg football, swimming etc etc

he does sound very normal so don't worry

HeraldAngel · 17/01/2010 22:40

If a boy can concentrate on a Wii game, he has not got ADHD.

And if he did have ADHD, the very last thing he should be doing is playing on a Wii!!

fruitstick · 17/01/2010 22:49

My DS is exactly the same. I'm sure it's over tiredness but I've never managed to find the balance between wearing him out so he's had enough exercise and overdoing it so he becomes the tasmanian devil by bedtime.

If anyone finds out could they let me know

mrz · 24/01/2010 08:45

The ability to concentrate during enjoyable activities (such as playing on the Wii) or when receiving individual attention do not exclude the possibility of ADHD but I would agree with others in saying you son sounds a normal 4 year old. If you are concerned it never hurts to ask for an expert opinion.

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