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Any tips on coping with an extremely screamy baby?

13 replies

lukewarmcupoftea · 14/01/2010 07:38

My DD2 is loud. Very loud. And very high pitched. Seriously, when she screams, people say they've never heard anything like it. Strangers stare at me in the street even if she's just grumbling. She sounds like somebody is trying to murder her.

She's a fairly contented 7 month old, so fortunately doesn't full on scream that much. But even just her chatting or moaning or look at me scream is really starting to wind me up. Unfortunately she's also not such a good sleeper as DD1, and screams on and off during the night. I only have to go into her once to feed her usually, but her brief cries wake me up and then I take ages to get back to sleep as I lie there waiting for another cry.

DD1 (2.4) also imitates her, so when they're both together I have two girls screaming at each other. I've had some success in getting DD1 to scream 'quietly', but only some. DD2 also screams anytime DD1 goes anywhere near her, even when she's only patting her head or kissing her.

I'm seriously starting to fantasise about adoption. Has anyone else had this? Any tips on how I can stop this winding me up so much? I also think that, because her scream is so bad, she gets attention almost straight away, so maybe she's learnt that screaming is the way to go? And then we'll never stop the night feeds....

Going quietly insane here. Help!

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FernieB · 14/01/2010 09:17

Wish I could help, just didn't want you to go unanswered.

Perhaps, as you're managing to get DD1 on side, you could encourage her to be the 'big girl' and teach DD2 how to behave, i.e. no screaming. If you can stop DD1, it may help.

I know it's hard but don't let it wind you up and ignore the stares of other people (most of them are probably feeling sympathetic towards you anyway). Can you try to ignore the loud noises and just respond to quieter ones?

Sorry, I've not been much help, but hopefully someone else will come along soon.

lukewarmcupoftea · 14/01/2010 10:35

Fernie - thanks for the reply, its nice just to offload to be honest, even if it isn't in real life! I think there is an element of truth in what you say about DD1 setting a (bad) example. Problem is they are both so little its hard to really lay down the law.

Had a lightbulb moment as well just after I'd posted that - I think DD2 is possibly at that frustrated stage, where she wants to crawl etc but can't yet (she's just rolling around), and is just generally a bit bored. She's also getting the separation anxiety thing where she screams when I leave the room, sigh. DD1 had far more of my attention than DD2, who generally comes second poor thing (or third after mumsnet!).

Still... if anyone has any general tips on how to keep calm when all around me is getting screamy, I would love to hear them. I hate losing my cool with the DDs, doesn't help them and makes me feel like a dreadful mum

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MadameOvary · 14/01/2010 10:38

I'm honestly not being facetious, but have you tried earplugs? I pop them in when DD is doing her joyous squealing and it helps me stay sane as I have a very low tolerance to high pitched noise.

mistlethrush · 14/01/2010 11:04

When ds screamed occasionally for no good reason, I used to sing VERY LOUDLY to him (got sniggers as it was comical doing lullabies THAT LOUD!) - he would realise there was something to listen to and gradually quieten and I'd do the same until we got to an acceptable level.

My mother apparently did similar with me - left me in a safe location and put the record player on with some loud, rhythmic, exciting music - and I would stop screaming...

Night-time - do you have a dp/dh? If so I would see if they will agree to being 'on-duty' after you have sorted her out the first time so that you can put earplugs in and not worry - my experience is that dh never woke up unless it was proper 'I need attention now' screaming, and the odd blip here and there did not impact upon his sleep at all!

lukewarmcupoftea · 14/01/2010 12:55

mistlethrush - I like the singing idea! I remember DD1 once having a tantrum at the table when she was only about 10 months or so. I was so fed up with trying to get her to eat whatever it was, that I just joined in with the wailing. DD1 promptly stopped, stared at me for a moment then dissolved into huge grins. Much better! I will try the very loud singing (or, if based on recent form, I get told 'NO mummy DON'T sing' by DD1, I'll just put the radio on).

I am also a huge fan of earplugs MO, as generally overly sensitive to noise anyway (would give anything not to be) - I even get woken up by this unaccountable low frequency humming noise that is constantly there, that is occasionally in the news on a slow news day. Hadn't thought of trying earplugs during the day though, hmmmmm, might just work...

At night, yes, I generally put them in, and DH is 'on duty' to prod me when she screams. Problem is, he doesn't always wake up, and I worry about DD1 being woken up by DD2, so end up pulling my earplugs out throughout the night to see if DD2 is screaming yet. I know, totally pointless and irrational

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mistlethrush · 14/01/2010 13:13

Radio/CDs that ds particularly likes include the Beach Boys and the Beatles. I apparently was subjected to Flamenco Guitar music (I love it now). Ds and I have also head-banged to teh Rite of Spring on the way home from nursery in the car....

If you are singing it does have to be loud and sustained - I do a lot of singing and can sing really quite loudly - but needed to be full volume to get through at all.

But, yes, I do sometimes also do the joining in thing and that often stops whatever noise is going on and result in grins instead!

lukewarmcupoftea · 14/01/2010 13:21

I think I might just about prefer the screaming to Flamenco Guitar music...

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mistlethrush · 14/01/2010 14:04

Dh says that about the Rite of Spring

lukewarmcupoftea · 14/01/2010 14:07

Never heard of it - am assuming its an acquired taste?

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mistlethrush · 14/01/2010 14:09

Stravinsky.

Dh prefers classical and romantic music to 20th century stuff!

lukewarmcupoftea · 14/01/2010 14:22

Ah. Yes. Never much into the cultural stuff me (sheepish grin), more of an indie girl (at least I used to be the last time I had chance to listen to a CD about 3 years ago).

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mistlethrush · 14/01/2010 14:35

Now's your chance to catch up a bit. Need something that has a good beat and rhythm and quite upbeat that you're prepared to have on at a reasonable volume!!!! Disclaimer - clearly don't have it on so loudly that you damage their hearing!!!!!

lukewarmcupoftea · 14/01/2010 19:49

...but loud enough to damage my hearing, then problem solved!

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