Meant to post last night. This is long -
I had a very similar experience with my son. he was younger. But to cut a long story short - he started a new school and within a week the new school were telling me he was being 'aggressive' 'tough' etc to the other kids. I was floored - he does have a really friendly nature and had never experienced these problems.
I thought maybe the move had really unsettled him. This went on for a month or so, with us getting increasingly cross with our son. Lecture after lecture on behaviour. He was getting stressed out and I was in pieces. I went in to help in the class and my son was not himself at all. But I got an inkling that the other kids were treating him as an outsider. I spoke to his previous school who were very supportive and did not recognise this behaviour in him at all.
Then we got called into the school - they had another child who was basically a bully and he had hit my son in the face with a stick. They then said this had happened the day before as well. This kid was causing all sorts of problems.
Then at a party we noticed that all the kids were teasing him and picking on him, and hitting him. They had decided he was 'naughty.' The only games they would let him play were when he was the monster. My poor son was so desperate to join in, that he ran around chasing them. Cos he just wanted to play. he was so confused!!
From that moment on My DH and myself made a decision to believe our son over and above the school. We told the school about the party. By now we had switched from being worried about him to being furious with the school!! We demanded an observation over two weeks. His previous school were fantastic and told us what to ask for. Every time our son complained that someone had been mean - we complained to the teacher. We were a headache - but we wanted to get it sorted.
At the end of the observation the teachers admitted that the other children had a negativity towards my son, and were blaming him for things even when he was not doing anything. An example, he was playing with a toy - the other kids would complain that he wasn't sharing.
Then suddenly. During this observation The teachers also said that he was a boy transformed - he was suddenly settling, being caring etc. I said he hadn't transformed - they had just spent some time getting to know him and if they had spent more time settling him in then this wouldn't have happened.
A few weeks after this my son had a major accident in the school. We complained to the head - there had been a health and safety breach in the classroom -
Turns out that the teacher's son was very ill, and she was not really fit to teach at the time, frantic with worry etc, up all night. The teacher reduced her hours.
So there were lots of underlying reasons why my son's transisiton was so awful - starting late, trying to bustle in on new friendships, an aggressive child hitting him, a teacher not intergrating him and not believing him. I think he felt he had been thrown in with the wolves. but none of them were due to our son being aggressive.
I suppose what I'm saying is, speak to your previous school. If this behaviour is not your child, is completely new, then back her up, all the way. Say to the school 'this is not how my daughter behaves something is not right.'
Good news, after this awful start - and they finally pulled their finger out - he settled in quickly - the teachers love him - tell me what a kind boy he is. He is fun and a joy to teach.
But it was all a very eye opening exercise. You know your child better than anybody.