My daughter 2.5 says no to everything I ask her to do .... help?

[mummytowillow]

My adorable, funny little girl has decided that everytime her mummy asks her to do something she will say no and run away?

Its usually when I try to get her dressed in the morning and when I change her nappy, I'm a lone parent and can honestly say its driving me to distraction I can feel myself getting so angry and I'm ashamed to admit I tapped her on the bottom tonight when she wouldn't let me put her PJ's on? I am totally opposed to smacking as I was smacked as a child and can still remember it now, I feel so terrible, it wasn't a smack but she was shocked and said don't do that mummy

I really don't know how to handle her when she says no and runs away, I've tried to explain to her that mummy has to go to work so she needs to get dressed etc but it made no difference?

So any tips for me as I'm feeling very guilty that I'm a bad mummy.

DD went through an extremely contrary phase, my sympathies. She is still quite, well awkward really.

I try not to take it personally, she is just trying out these new found refusing skills

I ask her nicely, eg 'DD come here to get your clothes on please'. Give her a moment

• then 'clothes DD'. When still being ignored and/or running away I just pick her up and put them on her regardless. Tough. She has to get dressed. Try not to get into a row/expanations or moan at her afterwards for being a pain, as it seems to reward the behaviour.

Sometimes it helps to let her help choose an outfit, eg offer a choice of 2 tops to pick from. But it is very wearing indeed.

No!

This is what 2.5 year olds do!

Try having a race to see who can get dressed first, or see if she can put her PJ's on before you do X.

OPh, and the whole time you are trying to get her to do something, she has your full attention. Just a thought.

Sorry, couldn't resist once DH put the evil idea in my head. We have been having "No?" with a questioning intonation from DS 1 3/4 (grrr - thought Terrible Twos might have waited!).

Someone on another thread suggested asking random questions to elicit "no" responses to nice things, like ice cream, to tease a child into thinking about what s/he is rejecting. That sounded like the most reasonable idea yet...

Good luck!

that is wearing I find that avoiding asking is the way to go, more like 'lets do this' while talking about something else
making games and stories
talk about the end product - like the fun you will have at the park/school/bus/ train
giving choice as it has been said between 2 items etc

it is trying
not sure what annoys me more the NO or simply being ignored

hope it helps

hard when you have time constraints

I coax and distract and jolly till I run out of resources - often things like 'shall we do teddy's nappy first?' or 'oh yes socks, now where do they go? on your ears? on your hands? oh yes on your feet, clever dd' are just enough to fool her into co-operating

once I am out of patience I have two strategies:

either refuse to fight the battle, either by deferring ('ok, we'll do breakfast first and then nappy') or withdrawing ('ok, fine, you can go out in the cold like that') You do have to follow it through though.

or tough it out - dd's top phrase is 'don't want to' so I say 'I know you don't want to but we're doing it anyway'. Have also realised I say 'Tough!' quite a lot - am turning into my mother...

Message withdrawn

I'm afraid it comes with the territory of toddlerdom!

My dd couldn't pronounce her own name when she was this age so called herself "Betty" and when she started the "no" thing, she earned herself the name of "Betty-no-no". She's 7 and still occasionally gets called it now!

Can you treat it as a game with her? I understand that there will be time constraints at times but, tbh rather turn a stressful situation into a game than both of you getting upset.

You have my sympathies. DD is very
spirited / contrary.

Things that work ...some of the time -

Persistence - not letting her play with anything until she has complied.

Making request into a game with silly songs, a race, pretend to be horses, hamsters whatever.

Give her a reason to co-operate...we can go out to do [state fun thing] thing after you've got dressed.

Wrestling

When time is short....I sit/stand DD in front of TV, and do the whole lot, wash, teeth, get her dressed and hair. It works. Not sure I should admit to this though.

Dd also 2.5 and as you describe a lot of the time. I either take the "tough" approach and wrestle with her to get her changed or I threaten to take her favourite dolly away which never fails to work. I am 35 weeks pregnant and don't have the energy to negotiate for long.

Have you read Toddler Taming, by Christopher Greene? (Might have been suggested before.) I found it helpful.

Another tip - give choices so there is no 'no' answer (although I know a toddler will give it anyway)...

We are finally coming out of this phase at 3.5. DS is becoming so agreeable and reasonable - although I still do a double-take every time he says 'ok'.

I have done the "let's have a race!" thing before

Or the "I BET you can't put your socks on... Oh WOW! You CAN put them on, I can't believe it!" in style of hyper-active C-Beebies presenter

It's quite tiring but has reasonable results