Dramatic behaviour variations 6y DS

[sammylou76]

HI,
My DS (june03) has always been a difficult child. He doesnt like change very much and can be quite uncomfortable in different situations.
He had a VERY difficult final 2 months gestation and begining of his life, as we lost his 2y brother when i was 7.5m pg with him, so hormones and stress flooded him.

At school he is well liked by peers and teachers alike. He is well behaved and although he is very behind (last years teacher grr) he is 'now' progressing well. School is all positives about him,at home 70% of the time he is lovely, very loving although very emotional.
However.
Here is an example of his behaviour that is worrying us -
we are going to school, he is happy and chatty, and apart from the routine "I'm not going to school" in the morning he has been good since he woke up.
We get to school, walk through the play ground, as we approuch his class room he stops, says in an angry voice "im going home" "I hate school" and tried to run off, i hold him and calmly explain he has to go to school, he then flies into a rage! kicking shouting struggling, if i let him go he legs it (iv tried), he cries and can't talk, its like a temper tantrum.
This can also happen in other circumstances like dentist or doctors, anywhere that is different or "full of strangers" He doesnt seem to be able to cope with the emotion.
This doesnt happen every day at school (this year) and his teacher is Very good with him. They say he is normaly calm within 5 mins.
At home if he gets upset, he can smash up his room or attack his sister and can take up to an hour to calm down. I find it near on impossible to get him to do homework as he gets frustrated and angry, so this is normaly completed with bribes.
Please help!
We have tried the calm approch, the shouting approch, the firm approch and the ignoring approch.
Has anyone else experianced this OR delt with a child like this.

My son is 6 and he is the same. I had a stressful pregnancy,traumatic birth and since then struggled with his behaviour. He has terrible temper tantrums and fits of rage where he smashes up his room and hits himself. I can't get him to do his homework,he is always so angry and does'nt understand rules and boundries and totally disrupts family life.School struggle with him and say he can be disruptive. He was put on the SEN registar at the beginning of the school year but once he was assessed i was told that his school work is actually very good but he does have poor motor skills for his age and is emotionally very immature.I love him so much but he seems to really enjoy winding everyone up. He can't cope in social situations or with any small changes. I don't know where to go from here and can't offer you any advice. Just wanted to let you know you are noy alon

Have a look at this, I'm sure any practioner in this kind of area would be able to help

www.inpp.org.uk/questions/index.php

I've used a practioner (not an INPP registered one - there are a few different places to train) to help my dd with her difficulties, amazing results.

Thank you muchly,will take a look

Sounds a bit like my dd - we were in despiar 12 months ago. Thankfully at 8.5yrs she seems to have calmed down a tremendous amount. Nothing specific we have done altho omega 3,6 & 9 oils seemed to help. I had a stressful late pregnancy and she was IUGD, plus induced at 38 weeks due to pre-eclamsia - interesting to see pregnancy stress etc does seem to have an effect on them as they grow.

I think talking to her calmly and showing I am listening, plus always remaining calm despite her anger helped, as well as showing her what behaviour was unacceptable, ignoring the outbursts and ensuring they never resulted in what she wanted, telling her what was OK and modelling that as much as possible myself, and lots of praise for even the smallest 'anger' management achievement.

DH really struggles with most of that so it is intermittent, but recently she seems a different child!

Thank you. Its good to know we are not alone.
His teacher had a good firm talk with him yesterday and he went into school beautifully this morning. I have just started on a parenting course too which is run by a couple who have taught children from all spectrums from severer to mild learning difficultied to head of a main strean school. They gave ma a lot af reasurace yesterday and have given me some stratagies to help him. All of which i knew but had forgotten in the frustration of it all.
Things like keeping you voice low and not to loud so he has to listen hard to hear me. Keeping calm, talking about his feelings and mine when he is kicking off. Routine and behaviour, ignoring where appropriate, and never giving in when we have said no. so very like articwind said.

I hope we continue with this good behaviour, or atleast start to manage the challanging behaviour.
Thank you again.
Sam