Dramatic behaviour variations 6y DS

[sammylou76]

HI,
My DS (june03) has always been a difficult child. He doesnt like change very much and can be quite uncomfortable in different situations.
He had a VERY difficult final 2 months gestation and begining of his life, as we lost his 2y brother when i was 7.5m pg with him, so hormones and stress flooded him.

At school he is well liked by peers and teachers alike. He is well behaved and although he is very behind (last years teacher grr) he is 'now' progressing well. School is all positives about him,at home 70% of the time he is lovely, very loving although very emotional.
However.
Here is an example of his behaviour that is worrying us -
we are going to school, he is happy and chatty, and apart from the routine "I'm not going to school" in the morning he has been good since he woke up.
We get to school, walk through the play ground, as we approuch his class room he stops, says in an angry voice "im going home" "I hate school" and tried to run off, i hold him and calmly explain he has to go to school, he then flies into a rage! kicking shouting struggling, if i let him go he legs it (iv tried), he cries and can't talk, its like a temper tantrum.
This can also happen in other circumstances like dentist or doctors, anywhere that is different or "full of strangers" He doesnt seem to be able to cope with the emotion.
This doesnt happen every day at school (this year) and his teacher is Very good with him. They say he is normaly calm within 5 mins.
At home if he gets upset, he can smash up his room or attack his sister and can take up to an hour to calm down. I find it near on impossible to get him to do homework as he gets frustrated and angry, so this is normaly completed with bribes.
Please help!
We have tried the calm approch, the shouting approch, the firm approch and the ignoring approch.
Has anyone else experianced this OR delt with a child like this.

Sorry to hear things have been so hard. I have two DS one same age as your 6 yr old DS. I find boys generally are strong willed and prone to panic (well mine is). We have panics at the dentist, about lights being turned off, and doors being shut. We don't have the school issue but we do get behavioral 'extremes'. Along with what is good behavior too. Calm approach with boundaries works for us. I can also explain now to him how the outburst is inappropriate or causes me and him upset - that does seem to work.

Also he used to get really frustrated with homework and refuse to do it. We worked on bribes too. Until he did well in a few homeworks and then he seemed to feed off the huge amount of praise offered.

This is from a post i posted on another thread a few days ago-

pp I can totally understand your concerns. ds1 started reception sept 2008 and is still having massive problems. he is one of the older ones in his year-feb bday.

He has never been able to line up with the other children and has to be taken in slightly early with a firm grip on his arm to stop him running off, he then has to be physically manhandled into the classroom, usually this takes 2 or three of us as hes tall and strong for his age.

In school his teachers say hes ok, but we have had incidents such as marking school property and pulling items out of the staff sanitary bin etc etc

he has no TA 1-2-1 support but senco do remove him from class twice a week to do activities with him.

he has been seeing a specialist paed since nov 2008, but we are no further forward a yr on. its highly frustrating.

We also have a alot of problems at home with his behaviour and with his food intake and also out and about picking stuff up off the street and doing other odd things.

Have tried everything to get him into school without problems including bribes but as yet nothing has worked. We are due to have an meeting with senco and ed psych etc to discuss it all this week so will have to see how that goes and what if anything they can suggest.