I honestly wanted to hit my toddler this morning

[MissM]

I feel terrible writing this, and I know there is another recent thread about toddlers' dreadful behaviour, but I really felt a compulsion to scream and scream at and hit my toddler this morning. Of course I didn't, and I never would, but the urge was very strong because he just would not be reasonable!

Basically he howled and howled and howled from the moment we started to get dressed to the moment we arrived at nursery. We were rushing because I was late for work (as always) and he was angry because of all kinds of irrational toddler reasons and instead of dealing with it I felt my stress levels rising and rising.

I don't know why I'm posting really, just to ask for some reassurance, or some suggestions for what to do if I feel this way again, or some support or something. Just be reassured that I would never ever actually hit him! (And most of the time he is a delight!)

I think everyone feels this way about their toddlers at some point. You didn't do anything to feel guilty about, so cut yourself some slack. His job is to drive you to distraction at this age, unfortunately. Just try and stay consistent with boundaries, and if you can walk away from tantrums, do. It does pass (BTW, I did on occassion lightly tap my marauding toddlers on the bum, and felt horrendous afterwards. It's not worth it, and achieves nothing)

the worst time is when you have time pressures and they won't play ball, I really empathise. those cheesy old methods like deep breaths, imagining desert islands etc work for me, as does a kind of distancing of yourself mentally. i sometimes go into a sort of very stupid/dense/absence mode where I don't really listen to them but just go through the motions - like saying "yes dear" when you're not really listening. it kinda blocks out the stress. a little blank corner of your mind where u can hide.

Thank you both, very helpful and made me laugh which I need! I kept saying in my head 'He's 2, he's 2', which helped calm me a little bit. You're right Chickens - it does seem to be their role in life to drive you to distraction (and tears!)

More than anything these kind of days give me more understanding of and sympathy for my mother!

I really empathise with you MissM. Most mornings involve some kind of battle with DS1. Invariably DH and I deal with it worse when we're late so we're rushing around and stressed anyway, so we try to make sure we allow plenty of time in the mornings. We get ourselves completely ready, then make sure DS1's nursery bag is packed, before even contemplating going to get him up and dressed.

I think it's also a question of deciding which battles are worth having, and which aren't. DS1 has gone into nursery today with his pants on inside out and back to front, because he steadfastly refused to let me help him put them on. Obviously he looked absolutely ridiculous, but in the end I thought, what the hell, he's got the damn things on so leave it. He has a real knack for picking the items in his wardrobe which clash the most with each other, and after months of trying to cajole him, I just pretty much let him wear what he wants now as long as it's weather appropriate!

One thing that has helped us sometimes in the past is offering him something (v v small, eg half a cereal bar or some grapes) to have while he was getting ready in the mornings. It seemed to get his energy and blood sugar flowing, and did work at calming him down in the mornings. He seems to be at his hungriest in the mornings so this worked well for us.

As for the hitting thing - don't stress yourself about it, you didn't hit him, so no harm done. Everybody has moments where they want to bash something or someone, particularly when toddlers are applying toddler logic to everything, but thinking it and doing it are different things altogether.

I was reading something loast night I think it was that Toddler Taming book and it was saying about the reasons for toddler's being tantrummy etc. Basically we tend to put adult values on our children. You were late and in a hurry you needed him to do things fast. He is a toddler, he has no concept of time. His reasons for being angry are not irrational they could be born out of frustration, lack of attention etc but not irrational iyswim.

God toddlers can be irrating I know but this book made me think. Sometimes stepping back and looking at things from their eyes is helpful. Tomorrow wake up earlier so you're not rushing as much.

You're all right of course. I had a chat with my husband about it and we agreed tomorrow he'll get him dressed as soon as he wakes up (DH tends to get up with DS at about 6.30) then at least that's one less person to dress and even if he's having a tantrum I don't have to put on trousers while he's having it (had to smile at the image of your DS Vinomum). Rushed mornings are the worst. I'm dreading it when DD starts school and we HAVE to get out of the door on time.

Oh I feel like that all the time. Don't beat yourself up about it (pardon the pun).

I sympathise. I had a morning like that last week and I ended up shouting at DS to just bloody well do what I asked for a change. I felt so awful afterwards. Since then if I feel myself getting wound up I ask myself whether it would be better to be 5 mins late for work, or shout at him again.

Also, I've found that slowing down a little bit actually speeds things up. For example, if he's playing with something and I need him to brush his teeth, I let him finish what he's doing so that he comes willingly (well, you know, as willingly as a toddler can!) rather than pulling him away and then him having a tantrum, which he then has to calm down from before I can brush his teeth...

Doing things in the same order every morning and giving some warning about what is due to happen next help too.

I have had a day like that. Well, actually it was sort of ok till about 4 o'clock and then it went spectacularly badly wrong. The annoying thing is I dealt with the tantrums and the (deliberate) pooing in pants admirably until about half 6 when I just snapped and ended up shouting (badly) and making it all worse. I remind myself that I am only human and we all have our breaking points but I feel crap because I shouted at ds1 (3) (along the lines of "I've had enough of you today, get out, GET OUT!") when I should have risen above it.

Anyway MissM and others.. tomorrow is another day, as they say...

I used a sort of countdown with mine when they were wee

kind of like '5 minutes til we have to get our shoes/wash hands for supper/leave the park' then '2 minutes til we have to get our shoes/wash hands for supper/leave the park' which worked really well. I think I got it from the Tame your Toddler book, ledodge

That book comes highly recomended from me

Oh and things like refusing to put shoes on to go to playgroup, well, they each went in their socks more than once.

boys are like dogs. what a brilliant username. could not agree more

Agree with doing the count down thing, we do that re tidying upp toys and getting to the dinner table.
Getting in and out the bath to, just about everything actually!
Best way to get things done IMO.
We all have days like that, as OP said just try and let it go and tomorrow is another day.

I have mornings like that regularly. My girls will howl as they get buckled into the car and I'm sure the neighbours think I'm beating them. (I'm not) :-)

But I think they go through phases. Some days when I walk in to the room, with a gentle voice and lightly wake up my 3yr old she immediately scream, NO MUMMY!!! DON'T TOUCH ME!!! Daddy do it!!

Its awful! I hate it that my girl doesn't want me to touch her in the morning. It's helped now that my daddy is sleeping in a bit because he is on holiday.

Things are better in general but I'm not sure why. Part of it was that she was acting up really badly at night time. So we sat her down, agreed what the routine would be, wrote it down and then both of us and she signed the routine chart. We posted that on her door and within two nights she was behaving perfectly. That seemed to help with morning routines.

And I definitely agree with being really prepared yourself. It's like someone said, they don't care about being 'late'.

Well this morning was bizarre. We all woke up late (up at 4.30 for an hour or so with wide awake DD) which meant potential nightmare with rushing. But the snow is coming down which made them excited, then DS was absolute sweetness and light, didn't cry, didn't fuss, totally co-operative. I think it helped that before getting him up I got myself and DD dressed, plus we turned getting him dressed into a game with lots of singing and silliness about who can do it the fastest. But still - a morning that should have been a disaster was seamless.

Annabellesmum - my DD does that, but to DH rather than me. I'm so glad to hear that someone else has the same experience. DH finds it really hurtful. I like the idea of drawing out a routine chart. She loves charts and rules!