Tips for childs fear of new dog

[longforasnooze]

Hi, my nearly 4 year is afraid of dogs. Any kind or size of dog, doesn't matter, he panics. We have delayed getting one until we felt he was old enough to cope.
My partner has always wanted a dog and we felt my sons fears would resolve themselves with time and experience, and we decided to get a puppy so it would be totally unthreatening. We reasoned that once the unknown element was gone he would warm to it and think it was fun.
We are now 4 days into him being at home, he is a gentle and quiet little dog and very curious about the children. The baby doesn't care, but my eldest is struggling to be in the same room as it, climbs up to the highest point from it if he is, and is generally being panicky. We have confined it to the kitchen so he feels safe in 'his' spaces, offered endless praise for stroking it, or being friendly, reasoned on all logical fronts, watched Scooby Doo and stated qite clearly should he ever harm him he will be taken away!!
Does anyone have any experience of helping their child through their fear of dogs so they can become friends. I would hate the dog to get older, see his fear and then think he was the boss.
Any helpful hints greatly appreciated. New to this and mistakenly posted it on AIBU and came under massive attack - leading to teardrop - but really only want constructive advice. He did show some good progress today offering it a toy and sitting on a chair next to it of his own accord. He is not phobic, I'd like to make that clear, and it is only day 4 so I expect slow progress and will not be giving up any time soon, so please no posts saying get rid of the dog!

I would just keep up with what you're doing. It's only been 4 days and if he is starting to approach it himself and offer toys, you must be getting it right.

Don't have a dog myself, but remember my aunt getting a labrador puppy when my DD's were 4. They were nervous of her as she was so lively and liked to chew everything, but as she got older, she calmed down and they love her now.

Presume you are involving him in everything dog related - naming, playing etc. Could you get him a book aimed at kids about looking after dogs to read together. He may start to get interested at the prospect of training the puppy.

Hope it goes well for you. I'm sure he will probably grow to love the dog in time.

Thanks Fernie. Yes, I've read a few books we have, but a trip to the library now the weather is better is a must I think. He wanted to take it for a walk this morning, and I'm hoping enthusiastic kids at nursery today will help him feel positive.

Personally I wouldn't have got he dog while he was still this afraid, but it's good tht you got a puppy, and one that's quiet.
I would suggest staying with him while he is in the same room as the dog - that way he has the added reassurance that if the dog did anything he didn't want it to, eg.jump up on him or try to chew on him/his clothes, you would be there to take the dog away.
Dound like he's made excellent progress so far, so well done you. Maybe get him to help yuo with the day-to-day doggy things like feeding, walks etc, and helping to train the dog to learn commands from all the family, so yuo're all in control, and the dog doesn't have control over anyone.
I'm speaking from the point of view of an adult who's afraid of dogs here, not experience, but these are the kind of things I liek to be done so I feel more comfortable around dogs

4 days in he's doing well. I wouldn't force the issue but involve him in the puppy's routine so he can help measure out the puppy's food and let him out for a wee. Stuff that is to do with the dog but not directly involved so he can get used to the fact that he's around. As the pup gets a bit older and learns commands I would think that your DS will like to teach him "tricks" but make sure that this doesn't lead to the puppy getting confused by wrong commands or your DS getting upset because the dog didn't do what he wanted.
You could also do the "oh he's so happy to see you approach" when he wags his tail
I wouldn't get him to feed treats incase the pup gets overenthusiatic as their teeth are pretty sharp at a young age.
Also and it goes without saying, never leave them alone together.Has the pup got a crate or area of his own so your DS can have some time when he knows the puppy is contained?
By the summer they'll be playing football together in the garden!

Hi, did you try the towel?

Hi did you try the towel?

Hi Lotster, not today, he was at nursery all day and seemed anxious again, though, and I wouldn't dare say this elsewhere, I'd be shot, but some of it is a little attention seeking I think. I'm going to try it when he is here tomorrow afternoon I think.
Ceb 80, thanks. no he is not alone, he would refuse anyway. We have put a box over the door to the kitchen so he can see in, and weirdly he calls the dog over, but the dog can't get out. from there he can come and find us and we can lift him over and sit him somewhere he is comfortable being with the dog in the room.
Teaching tricks and feeding would be great, in due course, definitely will try and get him involved.
I think we have to do the towel and just get him being happy to touch him, if he is comfortable with the idea. We still have to work past the anxiety to get to any of the other good ideas.
I told his nursery and they very kindly did a circle time and a staff member allowed all the children to stroke her dog,which he did too when everyone else was, and was really proud of himself.
I think we might just not make a thing of it as you said, when they are in the kitchen together just calmy put him where he is happy and use that time to talk about it a little bit, and what he can do, see where we are in a week.

Truddox, lots of people have said I shouldn't have got the dog when he is afraid, they may be right, I hope not! I think it's a normal fear for a for year old though, so I'm really hoping it'll fade gradually as he begins to feel safe and then confident with it.

Tried the towel lotster, he was happy with the idea. He was happy to stroke his head if he didn't look up at him, if he followed his hand and looked up he backed away. Will try it again later this afternoon, going to take the dog with me to pick him up as he seems happy with him outside. He has been saying 'no' to the dog and it will go away, he finds this reassuring, I think we make a very little step forward each day!

Sounds good, I'm pleased.
Next step (IMO) would be towel swaddled pup on his lap as long as he's happy. I would also tell him how much the dog seems to like him, and maybe that the pup was looking for him when he was at school. Flattery like that can sometimes work..!

I was in exactly the same position last year. I have three kids aged 3, 5 and 8. The 3 and 5 year olds would run off the pavement in front of a car rather than pass a dog (big or tiny!). I have grown up with dogs and could not understand it. I bit the bullet and in August 09 got an 8wk Rhodesian Ridgeback. Couldn't believe my eyes when I brought her home and my 5 year old ran and screamed. He would not stroke her or be around her at all. If he wanted to play out, the puppy had to stay in. It was awful. The puppy must have been a good three months old before my son would entertain her. The 3 year old overcame her fear very quickly. I would say bear with it, getting a puppy is the best thing you could have done. I did keep the pup out of the main part of the house until my son felt a little more at ease. Now, they are best friends. He pushes her around and prods her so much but she tolerates it. I was terrified that she would pick up on his fear and try to be dominant over him but not at all. If anything she is more tolerable with him than anyone else. Bear with it, you will not regret it.

Thanks supercala, it seems it is a common problem after all. I think it's quite fair enough for them to be scared, and yes mine does the same thing, suicide leaps into the road rather than walk near a dog. I have been surprised by how long it has lasted, but I can see we are getting there.
Lotster he asked me to swaddle the dog today for him, thought that was good and he stroked him happily, good idea to follow it up with him holding him. 'We' picked him up from nursery today, the staff made a lot of fuss of him, which helped too I think and said bring him in if I want, which might help, if the kids are ok with him.
I am beginning to see him make moves to approach the dog with me there of his own volition, still timid and nervous and will only go alone into the kitchen if he can see the dog is asleep. Fingers crossed next week he may want to feed him and will be at ease. Fortunately the dog is lovely and obliging, so I dearly hope the boys will love him as yours do SC by the spring.

Cant help directly but my son then 2 developed a fear of dogs after being jumped on and seeing me (my sleeve) being bit by an overexited dog on the way to school. However the last year aged 3-4 we've befriended a beagle puppy (my other 2 did) and my son will now get off the back of the buggy to stoke it and makes positive comments about the dog though he still winces if bigger dogs make sudden moves. From this I can only advise dont force it make sure you are in control of the dog whenever the 2 of them are together (you don't want to add to the anxiety) act as though you expect them to get on as with a new baby, being conscious of but not playing to his fears. The Dog Whisperer program on sky (and internet) has a couple of episodes on dog fears which may help.

We've had our puppy 7 weeks and the dcs took a while to come round. I'd say it's very early days and your ds is also very young. Most breeders seem to recommend waiting until the youngest child is 5, as that's when they can manage the dog better. Try posting in the 'pets' section of mn for some expert tips.

Hello,

I have dealt with this many times with the work I do in my dog behaviour work. What I find works really well is getting your child to see other kids interacting with the dog and seeing that its really not a scary thing. I had one lady in particular who rang me about this problem with her daughter and I offered to come along to my puppy schools where they sat in the background and being puppy school lots of kids were there, and it really did make a difference to the daughters confidence. Now they wish to get a dog, it has taken a few months of work but has really made a positive difference.

What breed of dog have you got and do you have a puppy pen area where you can put the puppy in so the child feels more comfortable as well and the puppy is learning its boundaries as well without any harsh methods.

See what you think trying these...I have lots more ideas but try these anyhow. I specialise in helping kids with dogs and mums with dogs, trust me I work with this ALL the time!

Thankyou
Nic