20 month old sudden hysterics at bedtime - any tips?

[Besom]

20 month old dd has been really easy to settle at bedtime for about a year. We've had a good bed time routine etc and nothing has changed. I was able to put her into her cot and she would say 'night night mummy' and go to sleep with no bother.

Recently it's becoming more and more difficult. She isn't ill or teething. I think it's just developmental and she basically wants me to sit there all night reading her books.

Tonight she started crying before I'd even put her into her cot and nothing would soothe her - she kept saying 'sit down mummy read book'.

I hate to say it but I put her into her cot and went out (and then in and out a couple of times). She calmed down after a few minutes but was then periodically whining for about 15 minutes before she went off. I feel like a terrible mother but not sure what to do? I've tried rubbing her on the back, singing, rocking etc but that just seems to make her more upset because she isn't getting what she wants.

Any ideas to try to avoid the upset? Please tell me it's a phase!

I'm having the same with my 22-month-old. My husband seems to have more luck than me but as he works until 9.30pm 4 nights a week I can't fall on him. I have to just leave her to cry (really screaming) as stroking her hair only works while I'm doing it, as soon as I stop (even after an hour) she screams - even if I think she's asleep.

At nap time I've managed to get her to go in her cot with a few books and the Lion King soundtrack playing. Within 5 mins she's asleep with no crying at all. Unfortunately, when I tried it at bedtime she threw the books at me saying "Mummy no!"

She has told me she wants a big girl bed so we are going to order one this week and try it. If it goes horribly wrong, she'll be back in her cot.

Sorry that's not much help, but you are not alone. Ooooh we also put her in her cot sitting up while leaning over and reading her third (and final) bedtime book. This does avoid screaming about getting in the cot - that starts when I walk towards the door.

I can cope with screaming (just) it's the pathetic "mummy please help me" which makes my heart ache.

Good luck x

do you have a night light? i am having the same problem with my 19 month old. i have just got him a night light to see if it makes a difference.

Thanks for replies. It's good to know that you're not alone.

Tori - yes, in my case it's 'mummyeeee gooooone!' I was just sitting here wondering about moving her to a big bed before I read your post. If that's going to be disruptive anyway, I might as well do it now. My DD also settles easier for dh but he works evening.

addicted - we have night light but don't use it. I'll try it tomorrow.

Hiya Beson,

I know what you're going through.

My DS has now been crying on anf off for the last hour and a half. I'm losing the will.

I'm applying my usual rule of leaving him for 10 mins, then going back in saying mummy loves you time for sleep night night, which usually works.

Since two days ago, he calms down and cuddles me while I say this, then literally wails like a child possessed until I go in again, when he's all calm again.

He also is now waking 7 times a night (or thereabouts), and sleeping terribly.

I'm knackered, fed up, 7 months pregnant, and want my nice easy sleeper back!

I thought it might be teeth, but I gave him some Calpol and he's still carrying on.

He has a bit of a cough and I thought it might be that, but all that seems to calm him is me. Even his dad won't do.

I'm sure it's all normal for a 20 month old, but it's like some kind of torture and I'm veering between wanting to go to him to comfort him, and to leave him to cry it out. Trouble is, neither approach seems to work and it's like he's just switched from being a lovely sleeper to a terrible sleeper.

Don't know what the answer is, not sure if there is a right one, but just needed to let off some steam about it as I feel like I"m losing my marbles thanks to the sleep depriivation!

Feel pretty hopeless and like it doesn't bode well for the new baby's arrival!

Sorry, meant to say Besom. And my DS is also 20 monhs.

Please can I join this thread for a bit of mutual support?

My 18 months DD has been doing the same for 4 weeks now and I feel like a zombie. She slept perfectly since 10 months 7pm to 8am, this is what happens for feeling all smug about it! Started about 4 weeks ago after she stayed at grandparents overnight, didn't really settle there and up a few times overnight. Back home the next night she screamed no no no every time I put her in cot and then discovered she could bounce enough to get out of cot. So moved into big bed.

Everynight since she cries when put her in bed (despite same bath and story routine we've always done) and needs me to go back in every 5 minutes to let her know its ok. Takes ages to fall asleep.

But its the waking up during the night thats the killer, probably every hour or two, and she just doesn't want to go back to bed and screams and cries that she wants up. I tried co-sleeping for a week to see if that would help but no she sisn't want to sleep then either. She only sleeps 40 mins during day so I don't know what to do next.

Sorry for the novel will watch thread for any constructive advice.

We have a nightlight already. May help others though. I thought it was maybe a seperation anxiety thing thats why I brought her into my bed but after trying and it making no difference I'm stuck!

I've 2 DS's and both have done this at slightly different times. They wake once and then again the next night, then realise that if they cried at bedtime you'll stay longer, or keep popping in to check on them. which is just what they want.
You either stand outside their door and listen, and leave them to cry. They can't hurt themselves, you are at hand if they try to climb out the cot. Or you sit on the floor and read a long story, Winnie Pooh's a good one, and every 1/2 page shuffle closer to the door. Keep reading and shuffling till you are half way down the stairs. They can still hear your voice even tho they can't see you.
I've done both of these and found that the first was more effective, but did upset me a little at first. It may take a few nights but persevere.
Once they realise that you're not going to take any nonsense, they soon get back into their old routine, and then another phase starts. Lol

By the way my DS's came out of cots at 18 months. Best thing I ever did but doesn't work for everyone.

decaf - I feel bad enough without being 7 months pregnant! It is obviously normal or at least common for them to do this at this age. I've noticed a big change in her over the last few weeks in terms of her development and I think her brain is buzzing with all the activity and making it difficult to sleep.

cinnamon - the big bed obviously hasn't really improved things, but I suppose once she is settled again (it will happen!) then at least you've gone through the hard bit.

The night after I started this thread was dreadful. She woke at 2 in the morning and refused to go back to sleep until 5 (I have to get up at half six for work). She wouldn't nap yesterday either.

But then last night was fine again and she went off without a peep. She did wake about 11pm but went back to sleep quickly and slept through. The only thing I can think is that she was really tired, not only from lack of sleep herself but also because she was running around with her cousins yesterday afternoon.

I'm going to try to tire her out again this afternoon. Feeling better because of sleep last night but dreading tonight. Yesterday I really did feel like putting my head in the oven.

besom you have my full sympathy my ds is just coming out this phase i think he was constantly waking up every 2 hours for about 5 weeks. i did cc and a night light but am not sure what one worked. am just waiting anxiously for the next phase

We've just (sort of) come out the other side of this with our 21 month old DS. Net/net is that he's sleeping through, but in our bed. Will sort that out soon, hopefully by putting him in his own single bed.
You might have hear of the development sleep disruptions at 4, 8/9 and 18 months. Could be some of it is down to that. But there is certainly a phase at this stage that a lot of my friends are going through, too, with their toddlers.
I think they start dreaming/having nightmares around this age, so I started to wonder if my DS was scared.
He's finally back to normal bed time, but isn't napping in the day, for the most part. So, swings and round abouts.
Anyway, have cracked the main issue, but will have to get him out of our bed soon!

Thanks for replies. I'm glad to know that it is a phase!

She seems to have settled a bit - could be the night light. Also tiring her out by going out all day and walking round.