Toddler odd behaviour possible aspergers or just normal toddler stuff?!

[emeraldgirl1]

I posted earlier in the Special Needs section but thought more appropriate here.

I am getting very worried about my niece (2 years 5 months) for the following reasons:

repetitive behaviour - she watches the same DVD over and over and gets VERY upset when it is turned off; in addition she HAS to see the end credits, even if it has been fast-forwarded, otherwise she gets extremely agitated. In addition also this particular DVD is one made for newborns - you know the kind of things, waving hands and blurry colours - she is 'frightened' of many more age-appropriate DVDs and watches this one incessantly.

obsession with routine - to the extent that she gets very agitated if you even try to take her out of the car the other side from normal. Very upset by suggestion of having bath after dinner rather than the usual way around etc.

delayed speech - undiagnosed, but in comparison to most other toddlers I know she is very non-verbal, doesn't put words together at all and is very hard indeed to understand with the words she does use

ignores/doesn't notice people - to the extent that she stares right through them, or at best will twist away from a kiss or an attempt at a cuddle.

Frightened of large groups, to the point of near hysteria.

Not self-feeding (with spoon etc) at all and shows no interest in trying.

Her father has a genetic condition that is linked strongly to autism spectrum, and though he is not diagnosed himself there are many who think he is Aspergers. Could my niece have a predisposition to this, or be learning from any of his behaviours?

Her grandmother has started to say that she is concerned about her obsessive need for routine; I think her mum has noticed but is overcompensating in some ways in her attempts to 'not notice'.

Does this sound like anything related to autism/aspergers to anyone who knows? What would be a good first step to investigating this further? Am I just being paranoid and are many of these things just a toddler being a toddler? Things are not very happy for her at home - maybe she is just unhappy...

Can you tell us what the genentic condition is? My DD has NF1 and has a lot of AS 'traits'.

Hard to say... toddlers are creatures of habbit. My ds is same age as your neice and would be confused if we didn't stick to certain aspects of his routine.

He wouln't want to get out of the 'wrong' side of the car although he wouldn't get upset if he had to. He'd just tell us that we were doing it wrong. But I supose if she is largely non verbal than it is hard for her to express her feelings without crying and getting upset.

DS alo has to have a set bedtime routine and probably wouldn't sleep anywhere but our house in his own bed as it is what he is used to.

A lot of what you mention des just sound like toddler behaviour ie. pulling away from kisses and cuddles. Some children are not into cuddles, my ds would never hug a stranger or even anyone other than me, dh, my sister and one of our friends... anyone else and he would turn away as you describe.

The main think you have written which would worry me is her lack of language and not putting words together along with the 'not noticing people'. Being anxious in large groups of people is common for toddlers. My ds has to be well prepared if we are expecting visitors or going where there will be a lot of people but he is quite happy as long as he knows what to expect. I suppose if her language and understanding of explanations is delayed then this could add to her anxiety resulting in the hysteria you mention.

Above all I think it's what her parents think. I personally would mention it to a Health Visitor if she was mine but she's not yours and a lot of the time you have to let the mum's deal with it how they see fit.

I agree that you need to tread very carefully as it's up to the parents when to face up to any issues, but fwiw my DS (autistic) was also obsessed with the end credits at this age (still is, actually, as he is basically waiting for the logo that comes right at the end.) Does your niece point at things, that is an early sign?

hi and thanks everyone!!

It's absolutely right, it's not for me to say anything, and i won't say anything until/unless i'm asked! i think i'm just trying to work out explanations for some of the inexplicable or unusual behaviour. i think it's silly and unneccessary to 'compare' kids as they do all develop at different rates, i just keep noticing this pattern of odd behaviours with her and it's hard to shake the feeling there is something systematic going on.

i do agree that many of these things are very common to toddlers, they are a law unto themselves aren't they?!

but the lack of language and awareness are the things that do worry me, me and joe, as you say.

i haven't noticed all that much pointing - though now i think about it there have been some notable occasions when i saw her being introduced to a new adult and sge completely was not aware of it/ignored it, and kept pointing vaguely but insistently over the adult's shoulder. i will keep an eye out for more pointing. is this very specific to ASD?

the genetic condition is tuberous sclerosis, cocolepew, if that means anything at all to you...? i still don't know much about it myself!!

My sister has tuberous sclerosis. If the father has it there is a 50% chance it will be passed on - so I imagine the parents would have had their dd tested for it, before or after birth. If she doesn't have the gene, then you couldn't attribute whatever traits she might have to her father's condition.

Like others have said a lot of this sounds completely normal - my toddler is a sucker for routine, and DD was obsessive about getting out of the car on the same side to the extent that she would scream and kick if we insisted on the other. They both like watching programmes to the end of the credits for the logo too.

As meandjoe said, the worry I would have is the delayed speech rather than anything else - if it really is delayed that could be an indication (but then it could be entirely unrelated).

Re. pointing, an indicator of possible autism is if children don't point, not if they do. But again, this doesn't unequivocally mean that they are autistic!