8 month old driving me mad with constant crying/whinging- anyone have any experience of this I'm at my wits end

[PirateJelly]

Ds 8.5 months seems so unhappy lately and I can't seem to do anything right by him. He used to be such a happy, contented baby when he was younger but has been getting progressively more whingey as time has gone on.
At the moment he is going through a stage where everything seems to be a reason to cry or whinge. He won't play on his own for more than a few minutes, but if I try to play with him, he just tries to pull himself up on me, is happy standing for about 20 seconds then wants to go down again, then cries to stand up, then wants to go down, this will go on for ages if I let him.

He will sit for a while then throw himself backwards and bang his head and scream, but won't be comforted by me. He will get into crawling postion then bang his chin on the floor and cry (on purpose), will pull himself to standing on the sofa, cruise a little then cry about it. I understand he's maybe frustrated but I am at my wits end.

He will also smack himself with a toy (not hard) then cry, if I leave the room he cries, anything I have from a letter to the remote he wants and will scream if he doesn't get it even if he has plenty of toys in front of him, He will even try and gum my slipper or sock so I stop him, then he screams. If I pick him up he will stop crying for a minute, then want to do something I don't want him to do, like scratch at my face or grab something he shouldn't, then scream again. This will go on all day and he only seems happy when he's being fed or having a bath. I've tried distracting him but that doesn't work, he will only stop crying if he gets what he wants.

He has got teeth coming through and I have been using a combination of teething gels, liquids and powders and giving him calpol or nurofen but it seems to be making no difference at the moment. The only other thing that stops him winging is if he's doing something he shouldn't be, then he seems perfectly happy

I am just wondering if anyone else has gone through this stage and has any idea what might be causing it and how I can make it abit better. It has been like this for over two weeks now and I think we've had one good day in all that time. It literally starts from 20 minutes after he gets up untill bedtime. I suffered from quite bad PND in the past and had trouble bonding with DS when he was first born, I haven't had this problem for a while and me and DS were enjoying a very close relationship, but I am starting to feel very annoyed at him at the moment because he is so hard to live with and I'm worried the PND could be coming back

I realise this has turned into abit of a rant but I would love to hear from others who have suffered from this and that it will get better or am I on my own

Oh dear poor you! Sometimes its good to just have a rant lol (Have done very similar over the years and actually found my very best friend through posting a thread just like yours)

DS is 2.7 now and was pretty much as you described your DS right from 3 months old. I'm sorry to say it didn't get any easier, but as the different developemental stages came upon us, I just learnt how to deal with them and yes, had absolutely horrendous day, but got through them with help and support (very welcome to email me kellyorchard78 at hotmail.com would always be happy to listen)

Saying all that, DS is now thee most gorgeous, chatty, bright, little boy, I could ever imagine he would ever be.

You are not on your own luv, I know it feels like it when things are at there worse, but there are others out there struggling too and we have to support each other

Sounds like very hard work. If he was a contented baby before than I am sure he will become more settled again. It's probably like you said, a combination of teething/ frustration at not being able to walk and communicate effectively.

Have you tried baby neurofen, I found it worked a lot better than calpol with ds' teething pains and any other illness. I still swear by it now if he's really ill.

For what it's worth, all of what you wrote sounds like completely normal behaviour for an 8 month old. He is still a tiny baby and had no idea about the world and is keen to learn more so of course he wants to hold and feel/ gum everythig that he sees mummy with. My ds is still a bit like this and he's 2 and a half! I think it's just him wantingto explore and I still seem to spend an awful lot of my time saying 'no ds you can't have this because it's hot/ sharp/ dngerous/ mummy's!' etc. The only difference is now he's older he can communicate better and often doesn't scream and cry about it (although it is still very dependant on his mood )!

Sounds like you are feeling very drained by it... understandably. Some babies are very head strong and know what they want but are incapable of doing it or telling you what it is they want.

Have you tried a jumparoo explorer (a strange looking thing that looks like a walker but doesn't move. Has loads of toys and interesting bits for little babies to fiddle with). My ds was very frustrated at this age and it worked miracles when I needed 10 minutes without him in my arms and screaming. Also moving around the house into different rooms and giving ds a new environment and new things to look at seemed to help his bordom and frustration. Every 20 minutes make an effort to go into different room like the kitchen and let him rummage with your wooden spoons and safe untensils. At this age my ds loved stacking u pmy tupperware and things like that. Then after 20 mins I'd move into the living room and do some reading with him for a few mins, then upstairs to allow him to lay and kick about on our bed.... just little things so his environment is constantly changing and he's not too bored of the same 4 walls.

If you are concerned about the PN depression issue than you really should go and speak to your GP or at least talk things through with someone who can listen and maybe take the baby for an hour while you have a hot bath and relax a bit.

Are you able to get out much to mums and toddlers/the shops/ for a walk etc?

I have found with all three of mine during the baby stage that everyone seems a lot happier when we are out - kids and me! I try and get out every day - some toddler groups I have good friends at, some I don't really know anyone there but at least dd3 can watch people and is contented and i can have a quiet cup of tea.

My DD3 is 1 and I find she will get as you describe when she is tired or teething but being out distracts her well and stops me going mad! It will get easier as he gets older - I think the baby stage is actually the most difficult in many ways as you can't really communicate that well with your child and they spend most of their time feeling teethy and tired and not quite sure what they want.

Aww sound tough going! My ds was exactly the same as this from birth and it drove me mad. As everyone else has said just keep trying to survive and keep varying ds' environment which is hard with the weather being so bad but smileyboy makes a good point about moving to different rooms. I spent a year of my life just going from one room to another with my baby in my arms trying to find something to entertain him for a few minutes! I found talking to him CONSTANTLY really helped and has actually made him very articulate and chatty now. He's 2.5 and talks non stop (which is a whole lot more bearable than his screaming!).

Maybe your ds is just like mine was and just very frutrated. It gradually gets easier and easier but it takes a lot of effort and you'll probably have some ups and downs.

My ds is adorable now... still very strong willed though and a complete pain when he's ill but I suppose that's understandable. He has a fairly low threshold for frustration. Basically he wants to be an adult and hs done since he was born. Anything I have in my hand, he wanted from being about 3 months old and would scream to get it. It gets a lot easier when they understand that they can have it when you've finished with it or understand that they can't have it because it's dangerous. Most of these things I think are normal and he's only 8 months old, of course he doesn't understand yet what's his and what he can and can't have.

When he's walking and can provide his own entertainment a bit it should ease up a lot.

Good luck. It's so hard when your baby seems to be the only miserable one. Believe me lots of us have been there. Me and my best friend had the same sort of baby and we met through mumsnet so thre are plenty of people who understand and have been there.

Oh just realised myboyjakey is my bestfriend lol! U name changed on me! xxx Listen to her anyway Pirate, she knows what she's talking about haha. Good luck you aren't alone!

Yep meandjoe, tis me!!! x

Oh poor you, I too have been there My DS basically cried non stop for 10 months and then was still pretty grumpy til he was 18 months or so. It DOES get better though, every developmental stage brought an improvement to my ds (though he was temporariy worse as he went through it). He is now 2 and generally happy and good fun and even though he is still very full on and demanding it doesn't get to me in the same way that it did when I was worn down by listening to him scream all day.

Do you get a break from him at all? Mine didn't sleep so it was 24/7 but if I ever got a chance to read a book or go for a walk alone it really helped me cope.

(and hello meandjoe, good to see you again -it's claireybee)

Thankyou so much for you're replies,he's having a nap now so I can use the laptop for 2 minutes without him screaming because he wants it

The trouble is I think it's a shock to the system because DS really was a very easy baby up until about 5 months when he became more aware. Untill that point he would happily play by himself or sit in his bouncey chair happily for hours at a time literally and would only cry to be fed (others were suprised at how good he was). My friends baby in comparison was terrible for the first 4 months and screamed constantly but now is really content and just gets on with things. Serves me right for being smug I guess.

smileyboy i've already been giving him baby nurofen but thats not working. I've considered a jumparoo but we can't really afford one at the moment and tbh I think he'll be walking soon so I'm not sure how much use he'd get out of it.
He does like his babywalker and door bouncer but I know you're only meant to use them for 20 minutes a day, so they only help a little. He also has a treasure basket, and i've even put the things in that he seems obsessed with such as paper, an old phone and remote, but alas he's not interested in what he's allowed he only wants what he can't have. I know people will say I'm talking nonsense but I genuinely feel like he's trying to be naughty and difficult on purpose (but maybe thats the PND seeping in)

hattyyellow I haven't really had much chance to go out since christmas because of the stupid snow, maybe that's got something to do with it, but I'm going to try and get to baby group on wednesday.

meandjoe what you said about a low frustration threshhold has really struck a cord with me, and I feel that explains alot. I have to say I'm the same and get pissed off very quickly if I can't do something so maybe DS is the same

freakoid no I don't really get a break which probably has alot to do with how annoyed and fed up with it I am. My family live miles away as does dp's, and dp tends to work an enormous amount of hours every week so I'm often by myself for days on end and with DS 24/7.

I just wish this snow would go away so I could get out more, I guess I'll just have to grin and bear it and hope this phase passes soon. I used to think I had alot of patience with children but not my DS, his whinging cry is like nails on a blackboard to me at the moment

You poor thing. All three of mine were particulary grotty before each major stage - ie before they crawled, walked, talked etc. I would get to a crescendo of feeling frustrated before they would finally get the hang of each skill and would be a lot happier again. So if he's about to walk maybe it will get easier.

I suffered from mild pnd after my first two were born so can only imagine what it's like to have more severe pnd. I found getting out really helped so hope you can get to baby group. Even walking around the block helped - I would wrap up my babies extra warm and just walk and walk and that helped things. I am very bad at getting stuck in the moment "things are so frustrating, why do they keep screaming, this will never change" and I find getting out distracts me. Plus my kids would go from being screaming little horrors to adorable smiley babies as soon as they were coo-ed at by an old lady in the street!

My HV really recommended fresh air and contact with other adults and it did help a lot when I was feeling low. Hope things get better for you. I also try and zone out when I am getting frustrated - I concentrate on the snow outside, or the labelling on a tin - sounds mad but it helps!

ps I also have no family for miles and didn't know anyone with kids when I had my first.

My midwife had an interesting theory that the modern rise in PND was linked to women moving away from where they had grown up and not having their mum down the road, auntie mary next door to take the baby for an hour while the new mum slept, friends and family to provide support and reassurance.

I kind of created that support network through making friends with other mums. If your DP works away that's incredibly difficult to be with a small baby hour afterhour without respite - it would make most people struggle, particulary if you have a background of PND. I found there were a lot of other people in the same boat and that I felt immensely reassured by talking to other people. If you haven't been out since pre Christmas I'm not suprised his every cry is doing your head in!

Sorry to ramble on, will go and do some work now! Your post struck such a chord with me as I was in NZ when my twins were born and it was such a struggle at first - I remember feeling I would never be able to go out again!

It sounds like your DS is getting very frustrated. I think this happens around the 6-9m period when they suddenly discover there is life beyond the bouncy chair and mummy and daddy!

As soon as they get to about 8-9mo you start seeing some boundary pushing. My DS has recently started crawling, and is not interested in the box of toys in his bedroom, but spends ages trying to drag the packs of baby wipes from underneath his cot. He is also not interested in playing with his toy box donstairs and would rather pull bins over and de-book the bookcase!

Unfortunately it is the beginning of a long hard neverending slog to get them to listen to you when you say no(work in progress with my DD (3.5)!)!!!!

The best thing I have found is to change scenary as much as possible. We spend half an hour upstairs, then half an hour downstairs. Then breakfast, then walk, then downstairs, lunch, upstairs etc etc.

Stick with it, and try not to take it to heart. It is only a phase like all the others (albeit a long one, but one with many different pros and cons). Once he gets more on the move he will probably be more contented, but you will be run ragged chasing him around!

Hi Claireybee I remember you well! How's things? It's amazing how many people have the same experiences with their babies. They do grow up to be very full on but it isn't the same intense crying and us walking on egg shells like it used to be. Sounds like you've had a lot of good advice and support on here though piratejelly.

I used to feel like you that ds was actually searching for things to cry about and be grumpy about. I now look back with hindsight and see it from his point of view. Knowing my ds' personality and his need for constant converation, I can see wha a confusing and frustrating place the world must have been for him. No wonder he was in a foul mood all the time.

It gets a lot lot better and is all worth it although I used to think it would last forever andwould regularly talk to MyboyJakey about how there must be something wrong with him or I must be doing everything wrong with him to make him so miserable. It was horrid and it felt like it would last forever ut it really doesn't I promise!

Hello again, DS is asleep now so i'll get some peace

hattyyellow I have been trying to get out but pushing my maclaren through the snow here is nearly impossible and ds is far to heavy to carry very far. I have made some friends since I moved here but unfortunately they all have babies the same age so can't really give me a break, although I've arranged to meet my friend for coffee later in the week. I am waiting to see a therapist about the pnd but I'm not sure how it will work out in practice as I'll have to take ds with me!

undercovamutha your ds sounds just like mine, that is exactly what he's like, the bookcase thing made me smile because ds does that in his babywalker. He's only interested in what he's not allowed (the baby wipes are a particular favourite, but if I actually let him play with them he loses interest after a minute )

meandjoe it's nice to know that things should get better eventually, it just seems like an eternity at the time, reading back my first post I realise I said this has been going on for two weeks which is no time at all really.

Thanks for all your support it's nice to know I'm not alone

PirateJelly, you have already been given some fab advice so i won't add to it but i just wanted to reassure you that i am in exactly the same situation with DD1. She is also 8.5m, was also a really easy baby until the last few weeks and is also suddenly really interested in anything she isn't allowed and grumpy when i take it away! I actually smiled to myself at your comments about the slippers as it drives me crazy when she constantly tries to eat mine. I'm sure it is just a phase and will pass, i try and make her laugh and distract her when she is having her little tantrums, it also helps to keep me positive by laughing with her! I'm also a big advocate in having a change of scenery. Take care and fingers crossed the snow will melt soon.

Not bad thanks meandjoe am now a single parent but that's just made life easier really-only have two tantrummng children to deal with now

Hiya Freakoid sorry to hear about your situation but I hope it has made things easier for you. You seem to be quite positive about things which is a good sign! Glad things are better with ds now... I remember your posts about him when he sounded exactly like mine! Thank God they grow up eh? The past 6 months ds has just got better and better. Sorry for hijacking the thread piratejelly! I know how 2 weeks can feel like an eternity though but hopefully things will get better for you soon! They really aren't babies for long and it does get so much easier when they can walk and talk. xxx

oh good lord i remember this age- snap. think it was frustration. ds realised that the world existed but couldn't quite ineract it with it on his terms. much better when he got moving. changing rooms/scenery/going out (walks toddler groups etc) helped, but i really was at my wits end......went back to work pt at 10 months- much better

Hi,

I am sure I am gonna repeat a lot of what has been said already but here goes...

My little guy is now 17 months old and like you I had severe PND.
He would moany and whine alllll the time and I felt so stressed and alone and like I would just disappear in a darkl hole of depression and desperation.
I started walking our dogs by myself in the evenings when my husband got home (got to the stage where baby wouldnt even sit happily in the buggy for 10 mins so couldnt even go for a walk in the day with him!)
This 40 mins alone, out of the house, the exercise and fresh air did me the world of good.
Every saturday would be my lie in day and I had till lunch time to do whatever I wanted so usually went to town to look around the shops and have a coffee and read my book in peace.

Did seem that ever new developmental stage he would get extra worse and teething was a nightmare.

He is soooo much better now. Teething is still a little stressful but I have learnt to just get on with it and going to a play place, toddler group etc helps loads.

There is hope for the future.
He is just frustrated and prob not feeling great cos of teething or a tummy ache.
My guy teeths for weeks at a time then we have a few weeks of greatness or at leats betterness.
I am imagining when all his teeth are through we will all be even happier.
Once he is walking and able to communicate better thisng will be easier.

Hugs
x

Hello, appreciate this was over 10 years ago...

But I am having the same issue with my 8-month-old DS.

Any chance the OP sees this and is able to let me know how it all panned out?