How to help late-developing, timid, low self-esteem DS (aged 7)?

[SadAboutTheBoy]

My namechange says it all really. I am feeling increasingly anxious and sad for DS (age 7).

As a result of various social occasions over christmas, and the opportunity I've had to observe him with other children, I'm really rather worried about his confidence and self-esteem.

He is an Aug-born boy, and I know at school he has struggled to keep up with the older ones. However over the holidays I've seen first-hand the full extent of his 'problems'

e.g.

• other (same age) children talk 'down' to him and boss him about, and he doesn't speak up/ challenge them
• he avoids any kind of competitive games (wii/ cards/ board games) saying he is 'rubbish' and will just lose
• he is 'retreating' mroe and more into his 'own world' of DS/ MP3 player etc
• he doesn't voluntarily take part much in group conversations etc - I think he feels everyone will laugh at his contribution
• he just doesn't seem to 'get'/ 'cotton on' to what's happening most of the time. We always have to repeat things/ questions, 'cos he always says 'pardon?' (Pretty sure his hearing is OK though)

After some big family get-togethers over Christmas, including with some cousins who were younger/same age as him (but VERY confident)I feel his self-esteem is at an all time low.

How can I begin to 'build him up' ? Has anyone managed to do this successfully with a young boy? At times he is still so babyish ((playing games with soft toys etc) that I can just see his peers ignoring/avoiding him.

Sorry for the long post, but this is really bothering me - I am so worried that he is going to grow up sad, demoralised and lonely.

What practical things can I DO to help?

Is there anything he's good at that you can spend more time on? A sport, or other activity? Or something that's done in mixed ages up to 7, so he'd be one of the biggest and very unlikely to be the worst?

I have an unconfident ds who's also one of the very youngest in his year, and I'm open-minded about keeping him down a year at some point if the teachers thought that was a good idea. I've been advised by a head teacher in the past that he would be more likely to get better exam results with the better confidence derived from being bigger and more confident, but also more likely to enjoy school altogether. He told me that this was usually more true for boys, as it was so much worse for them to be the last to get to puberty, the least interesting to the girls etc etc. But he's just 5, so it's inot a big concern just yet.

I found How to talk so kids will listen.... a helpful read as well.

I got ds2's hearing and sight tested as well, to make sure he wasn't missing things - they were fine, but I was keen to make sure there wasn't something 'physical' holding him back.

I was a very shy tmid child and used to say pardon a lot, it was to give myself some time to answer, kind of build myself up.

My DSS was like this at same age and we joined him up to scouts, the change in him was amazing! Is there anything like this nearby? Woodcraft folk, scouts, boys brigade, etc? They are all very 'group' focused and usuually have an underlying message of kindness to each other, games in groups, etc. Do you think he would be willing to try something like this out of school?

A friend of mine whose son had a knock to his confidence is going to a football out of school club - he would only go when he found out there would be none of the boys from his class there as he said 'x is always faster than me there is no point'.

If he does say no to activities i think it is important to find out why, what is putting him off/bothering him about the idea, and then work round it.

Beavers?

He already goes to Beavers which he quite enjoys.

What doesn't help is that he is in a small class with only 7 boys, and the ones he is most friendly with are the loud confident ones who are always going on about all their achievements etc.

The other problem is that he isn't really demonstrating a real strength in anything yet - he is 'good for his age' but not 'top of the class' IYSWIM.
Not shining at ANY sport at the mo...

I wondered perhaps about a drama group, where he was one of the older ones - he's quite good at doing funny voices and faces!

Drama ought to be very good for confidence. I'd say definitely worth a try, especially if he's one of the biggest.

I think you have to try lots of things to see what sticks. Ds is confident, but he isn't what I describe as a 'boy's boy'. We have tried Karate (he hates fighting), football is a big no-no....He currently does swimming, stagecoach and spanish and loves them all....
Re board games - can you play with him so he gets confident about the games and then maybe will play with others?

I think what I am trying to say is they are all different and you just have to plug away until you find the thing that works for him

Yes drama type groups he maybe would find fun and if older than most of the group that would help.

Don't suppose the older boys at beavers will be moving up into next age group soon?

You sound like a lovely mum OP, sure he will find something he enjoys and that builds his confidence.

I've got it!
Enrol him in your local climbing club, my DS1 sounds exactly like your DS, and his confidence improved beyond belief when he started going to our local indoor climbing wall. There are loads of young teen instructers there who are great role models and DS's cool rating at school has rocketed now!!

How old was your son when he started Serin? I can't imagine convincing DS2 to even try it!

Actually yes, my ds loved the climbing wall (I took him over half term) and being whippet thin he was up the wall like a rat up a drainpipe!