What have i done wrong, DS 3 has me in tears

[gill7]

I am sitting on my bed in tears. My ds 3 is downstairs with dp saying he is sad that mommy and dp are cross with him. We have just been on a walk with the dog. This one was fairly easy, decent paths etc, we have been on harder ones before and ds always wants to hold my hand all the time. I dont mind sometimes but sometimes when the path is too narrow we have to walk in single file, but recently and today ds has massive tantrum, stands there and sobs his heart out shouting at me, i need to hold your hand, i will fall. Then i have dp shouting at me to just ignore him and carry on walking which i find so hard to do coz i hate seeing ds cry, so i get mad with dp but then mad with ds too as he just wont listen or reason. i told him to tske baby steps. in the end he did walk without holding my hand and didnt fall over but constantly chanted and cryed. I suffer with depression and personality disorder and know that things get to me too much, am i the one being unreasonable here?

how old is DS?

he is 3 years and 5 months

Because parenting is ruddy hard work and you never truly realised before how hard it would be, OP.
DS1 used to reduce me to tears, sometimes, especially when he was about 4yo. I just couldn't believe what a prig he could be, and then I felt like it was all my fault that he was such a prig (rather than recognising that A) some personality traits are ingrained at birth, and B) I'm only human.

Deep breath, gill.

give him half an hour and he will have forgotten all about it

Yes YABU. Poor little thing...I'd like a hand to hold in this weather never mind a baby NEEDING to hold on to you!

It is horrid when a child sobs, BUT it is an over reaction for you to sob-if you don't treat this sort of 3yrold tantrum as a normal necessary part of child development where he's learning boundaries and independence- then your ds will think there's something wrong with him- eg 'why are mum and dad cross with me?'.
Simple as that really. Imo your dp was right-don't get cross/upset, just matter of factly encourage him along, ignoring the dramatics. Lots of praise when he does it.
I'm sorry you have mh problems and you are doing really well to be questioning your reactions to things. 3yrolds are hard work and I did sob at some point when all of mine were 3 or2, just learn the lesson and move on.
Have you professional support as well as your dp?

Ds howled when we were out for a walk/sledging recently. He wanted to be carried and I just couldn't - I had to carry the sledge and he's getting too heavy to carry at any rate- he's 3.

At the time it spoiled the walk for me for sure, he cried and tantrummed for most of the way home with me walking a bit ahead and him following yelling and screaming, me desperately trying to find distractions - eventually it worked and he walked happily, tantrum forgotten.

Thing is, he forgot about it pretty much instantly. They do, it's really not a big deal to them emotionally. It's harder for us.

He's 3. He's not going to be able to listen or reason with everyone shouting at him. He had a tantrum because he was frightened and it sounds like no-one was listening to him.

I think you need to ignore your dp's shouting and do what's best for your baby.

Crying over this is a bit of an overreaction on your part though. Tomorrow's another day. Pick walks that are more suited to your little one and if he cries, help him out. He wants to hold your hand, he's not trying to manipulate you. And if your dp continues being an arse, you need to stop him and explain this to him.