5 week old refuses moses basket

[whisker]

Hi there,
My 5 week old baby girl won't sleep in her moses basket. The only way she will sleep is in the sling during the day & in the bed with us at night.

We've tried various tactics to get her to sleep in her moses basket - line it with lambskin, warm it with a hot water bottle first, 'nest' her in it, lie her on back, on front, light on, light off, etc, also the E.A.S.Y (Eat, Activity, Sleep) routine, but day or night she won't settle in it. She gets particularly fractious from 4.30pm every day, screaming & screaming, but its not colic because, again, if we put her in the sling, she's calm & asleep within 5-10 minutes.

She feeds well, but slowly (approx every 3 hours during day for 50mins). We do her last feed around 10.30pm lying in bed, then around 2.30am in bed and she wakes to feed in the morning around 6.30am.

So she now gets enough sleep which is great, but we are desperate to get our bed back to ourselves and get her to sleep on her own at least for one nap in the evening, so we can have some 'us' time.

Should we try controlled crying - go through the motions & leave her in her cot to cry it out or is she just too young? We're not anti-attachment parenting, but really miss having the bed to ourselves and any couple time.

Does anyone have any advice or experience of this problem?

Many thanks x

I had this with my first boy. He would only sleep if he was kind of upright.
He slept for the first 4 weeks in his car seat and then I propped his moses mattress up with blankets and gradually weaned them down to flat. We got there after a few days.
Perhaps try propping her up.

Controlled crying big no no in a tiny baby, a short time ago she was part of your body and still wants to be as close to you as possible.

I had this with my first baby as well and you know we just went with it, let her sleep on us, in a few weeks we could put her down and get a few hours to ourselves, few weeks after that she was sleeping through (very lucky I know) her sisters didn't. The next two I expected to sleep on me from the off and they did and TBH it's for such a short amount of time I just went with it, it won't be forever.

I weaned mine onto a comfort toy, so when you are feeding her put the toy near your boob let her touch it so she associates it with your smell and you being close, then whenever she is going to sleep put the toy close, soon she will be able to hold it, the key is it's a sleep cue it means comfort and when she gets it she knows it is sleepy time.

Honestly at 5 weeks just do whatever it takes to get some sleep it does get better.

Hi,

Congratulations on your new DD!

My DS (now 3 1/2) would never ever settle in his moses basket, day or night, whatever we tried. He would only sleep when he was being cuddled and woke up loads.

A lot of the baby books sort of imply this isn't right, but when i spoke to my dad about it, he pointed out that your baby has gone from being warm and cuddled and able to hear someone breathing, talking, heartbeat etc 24/7, to suddenly on their own.

Some babies just need cuddling alot. My DD (now 18mths)was quite independent, slept 10 hours a night in her moses basket, straight through, from about 2 weeks until 4months, and i did nothing differently. That was where she was happiest so that was what i did.

It's only my experience but i think different things suit different babies and you may have a very cuddly one! I know how tough it is to lose your bed to them, but i definitely (though this is only my personal view) wouldn't do controlled crying at only 5 weeks, far too young - a baby isn't manipulating you at that age and they can't understand why you're leaving them - they will just cry themselves to sleep out of exhaustion. And it would make you feel totally wrung out. I would try to enjoy the cuddles for now!

From my hazy memories of that time, i think DP and i just tried to get a bit of time together whenever we could. It was really really hard but it didn't last forever, though sometimes we felt like it might!

HTH, it's just my experience. xx

I swaddled mine really tightly in a jumper that I'd been wearing. They like that. It smells of mum and they are held really tightly. New babies don't seem to like (or feel safe?) being able to thrash about.

All three of mine were like this at 5 weeks, as someone else said they liked being propped and I too did the car seat thing for a bit (or in bed with us). Don't worry about it causing long term issues, so long as you gradually make the transition to the baby lying flat in a moses basket/cot/whatever it will happen.

I'm one of those annoying people who had babies that slept through from three months, so don't worry about it, it's just very early days.

you have my sympathies. i had this with my ds it was a nightmare. i had to buy a pram which a carrycot to try and resolve the problem. it worked for me he used to fall asleep in carrycot when i was pushing him round then i could just take it to what room i wanted once he was asleep. i also put him into his big cot which worked. the hv was in agreement to this. i wouldnt try cc its too young. good luck

I think you should just give the cuddles she needs, but I am not trivialising what you are going through. I found this a very hard adjustment to make too.

Swaddling might help, also try white noise.

Swaddling is a great suggestion, I did this with DS2 after the first car seat sleeping troubles I had with DS1. Kiddopotamus fleece swaddle was amazing.

My 6wk old baby was put into the travel cot in our room and slept all night. He was a big baby and enjoyed the extra space. Kept wakening himself up by hitting the sides of the moses basket. Ps we also tilted it slightly!

my ds1 was like this for the first 9 weeks. the only thing that broke it was - don't report me! - being in the big cot, gasp! on his front. which makes me think it was a wind thing. they can get it up better on their fronts. DD was fine in moses basket on her back........they do vary. its hard cos I know its against advice.

My DS2 was like this - always wanted to sleep on us and would never settle in his crib. Tried the hot water bottle on the sheet, my t-shirt everything.

Can I ask if this is your first baby? I think it's really easy to think that anything you do now will set the scene for the rest of babyhood which will inevitable end up on Supernanny.

But it's not true - she is such a tiny baby still and I think you might save you both a lot of stress if you just share the cuddles and watch the TV! In a few weeks she will be more mature and maybe able to settle by herself.

For what it's worth, DS2 never really settled properly until he was in a big cot - never slept in his crib once.

This time passes so quickly please try and enjoy it rather than worrying. I maintain that have a tiny baby sleep on you is one of the greatest pleasures in life.

I know it's tiring, and can be all consuming but it will pass soon enough. Make the most of it

Hi Whisker,

Oh I remember this dilemma only too well, exactly the same. I couldn't understand why she hated the basket so much (surely all babies sleep in baskets, I thought?!), I tried everything you did and more, and made myself extremely unhappy.

Eventually I realised that pretty much all tiny babies just hate being physically apart from their parents, especially at night. Some are more tolerant than others, my DD was definitely at the less tolerant end of the spectrum. It's absolutely normal and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. When I accepted this and started adapting rather than denying, somehow life became easier. In my case I just stuck with co-sleeping and never looked back. (The answer to the couple conundrum is the sofa, btw :-))

So - controlled crying? Well, as you have recognised it is very controversial and even its advocates don't recommend it under 6 months old. But if you have the stomach for reading right now, I would suggest two books:

• "The science of parenting" by Margot Sunderland, which explains why babies behave like this. There are many good physiological reasons for it, which she explains in scientific but easy to understand terms, and explains how to soothe crying babies

• Elizabeth Pantley's wonderful book "The no-cry sleep solution" which provides lots of gentle alternatives you can try. However, at such a young age you need to be realistic about what is physiologically possible.

But the main thing is, don't worry - this stage will pass quickly. Babies grow out of all baby behaviour, so there is nothing wrong with co-sleeping now if you need to, even if you later decide it's not for you. And you will get your couple time back at some stage, although you will need to adapt to the new status quo as things will never be the same again!

Good luck!!

All three of mine HATED the moses basket, but would sleep either in bed with us or in a crib. I think maybe part of the issue was that the moses basket didn't have an especially firm base unlike the bed or crib, so they never felt very supported.

Personally I think in these early days, go with what works - for us that meant having the babies in bed with us (we had one of those little cushions that protected the baby from us rolling onto him). Far too early to worry about baby getting into "bad habits", you need your sleep too.

I think the main theme here is just go with it! There are so many books and powers that be (midwives/hv's) that can make you feel that there is a right way and a wrong way and that simply isn't in the case. On top of the shock of being a new mum you really don't need the guilt! My 4 month old was the same for the first 6 weeks or so and would only sleep on me following a bf. This made me feel like I was a human comforter as well as feeling like I must be doing something wrong. The moment I decided to just go with what my dd wanted to do and let the guilt lift I felt so much better and not long after that my dd was quite happy to go down in her basket. I think the shock of the birth should be allowed to pass before any routine is attempted, we're only trying it now.

One blessed piece of advice a hv gave me was the 10 minute rule. After she's been asleep for 10 minutes then they're out for the count and in theory you can hoover and they won't wake. Not a fail safe rule but happens more often than not! Good luck.

With my first DD she was the exact same, refused to sleep in the beautiful antique crib we bought with coordinating bedding (PFB ) always wanted to sleep on or next to me. I read loads of books thought I was doing something wrong, tried to GF her (no chance), baby whisperer, rolling up blankets, my jumper in with her, nothing worked she just needed to be close to me. I gave up and just allowed her to sleep where she wanted (as it got me the most sleep). At 12 weeks she was sleeping through 8-8am, I had all manner of people telling me "she would still be in our bed at 5 years old" "creating a rod for my own back" etc she co slept until she was 15 months old and went into her own bed and room no problem at all. We must have had some couple time as I got pregnant with DD2 when she was 9 months!

With the next two I got a bedside cot and just allowed them to sleep wherever they wanted to as well. The main thing for me is us all getting as much sleep as possible no matter the sleeping arrangements.

Try not to stress about it and just enjoy her for these first few weeks

Thank you all so much for your great suggestions & advice!

I feel so much better about it now. Yes, she is my first born & I realise all babies are different, so I'm just going to chill out about the whole thing, continue co-sleeping & sling-wearing and see how she develops over the next few weeks and months. I was feeling really uneasy about the controlled crying idea, so I'm glad the overall response is that she's too young for that & I'm not setting up bad habits for life. I was worried!

She was in intensive care her first 4 days & both of us were ill in labour & treated in hospital for 8 days - so I reckon she just needs the extra reassurance & is making up for cuddles lost! Who can blame her?

I'll keep trying moses basket as first option during the day for naps. I've been swaddling, propping up & leaving Classic FM on low which all help, but will also try the comfort toy idea & read the 'Science of Parenting' & 'No-Cry Sleep Solution' books. I'm going to try Craniosacral Therapy too, which a friend has recommended in case there's an element of birth trauma needing to be released.

It's been really comforting & useful to hear other people's experiences. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond! Really appreciate it. What a great facility this is!!

xxx