Really naughty toddler or is the problem me

[Clare123]

I have a lovely bright and funny 2.5 year old, whom I really struggle with. I get the feeling that my friend's with the same age toddlers don't struggle half as much. What I would like you to do is read what he is like and tell me if his behaviour is completely at odds with your lo.

I have often posted on here about his behaviour, but generally it's this:

1. Hitting/pushing and general rough behaviour with other children and me. Sometimes it's out of wanting a toy or being told no, but often he just can't seem to help himself. He will walk past his sister and give her a quick hit.

1. He ruins other children's games. If someone is playing quietly he will often run over and sntach his/her toy or stand on it. Just a bit mean.

1. Normal toddler tantrums (although these are fairly rare), but when he does he will try to hit me. BUT everything has to be on his terms.(well he may think), I give him lots choices.

1. He eats and sleeps really well.

1. He loves books and cars/trains and will play with them for a long period of time.

So, normal (ish)? I keep thinking I should see help from a HV - but may be it's just me not coping with a very spirited child???

he sounds pretty normal, not even highly spirited tbh, just 2.5

Does he always hit and puch other children or can he also play nicely anlongside them? Does he have any regular friends or is he physically rough with any and all childrne he comes into contact with?

How is his language?

What are your expectatyions of his behaviour?

Perhaps you are expecting too much? 2.5 yr olds are not meant to be perfect or ameinable or sociable, they are still learning all of this stuff, he will learn not to hit and hurt other people etc.

Don't be so hard on yourself or on him, just continue to provide a loving supportive environment with plently of firm boundaries, clear guidance, fun and stimulation ~ which no doubt you do!

He may not be deliberately ruining other children's games, he just lacks the social skills necessary to join in yuet.

Children of this age don't generally interact or play with other childrne yet, they play alongside them.

Thank you. I really mean that. You wouldn't believe how much time I spend worrying about him!

His language is getting better, he was definitely late talking, but can now manage sentences (3 words) and makes himself fairly clear. All happened in the last month.

He doesn't always hit/push or ruin kids games, but generally when he is hyped up. He can play really nicely with his sister when he is relaxed and calm. Again, he will sometimes play nicely if it's a one to one. However - noisey settings are a nightmare for us.
Thank you again. I know I just need to relax a bit.

i agree with the other posts it is unfortunately normal behaviour for this age group. and dont be fooled into thinking your friends dont go through this they probably do but your just seeing there children on a good day.

Claire123, I would believe how much time you spend worrying about him, I am exactly the same with my ds who is similar age to yours. From your original post he sounds exactly he same as my ds except mine doesn't even eat ell . DS can be very rough with people but when kids are rough with him he bursts in tears . DS is very very active and has no idea how to play 'with' people yet, just gets silly and rough. I think it's all fairly normal from reading what others are going though!

fresh air and lots of running

honestly

he is still developing social skills

bet all your mates' Dcs are girls

oh and limit the choices, too many can be bewildering

HTH

(I shan't tell you that 3 yr olds are VILE)

claire
I spend all day with children of this age. Your DS is perfectly normal.
Don't worry about him.
Children develop differently, they are all different.
IME, sometimes a lack of language leads to frustration and they lash out without realising.
To a child who is unable to communicate with words, the physical actions are their way of communicating.
Speech development is often linked to behaviour.
Children's speech often develops very quicklt all of a sudden. In a few months time you will be wondering why you were so worried.
I would say just to be consistent with him, and just calmly explain why it's not nice to hit etc. We do tend to forget that children understand more than we realise.

Thank you again. I have just re-read everyone's post and it is reassuring - so kind of you to take the time to reply.

I would say just remember that 99% of children have their own issues and problems. My ds for instance always had a sort of social 'antenna' and displayed thoughtful and considerate behaviour, would never have occured to him to hit others or ruin games however he had humdinging, ranting tantrums and he has SEN which mean that he is way behind his peers in many ways. No child is what you might imagine as 'perfect' and they ALL challenge us in ways we weren't prepared for. And it's ALL within the range of normal. And hopefully 99% of mums know this and would never judge your little one harshly for acting like a toddler!

This is reassuring... my DS is 21 months and when I take him to playgroups he just goes around picking on the other kids (even older ones) - trying to poke their eyes out, pulling hair, pushing them over... it's really awful to see. Seem to spend all my time going round apologising to other mums - not much fun.

My strategy is to follow him round (so he doesn't get the chance to hurt anyone!), then as soon as he plays up take him away from the other kid and the toys, and say No firmly. He kept doing it yesterday and in the end I sat him with me away from the toys / other kids for a couple of minutes to try to show him that if he's naughty he doesn't get to play.

Has made no difference whatsoever so far but hoping that perserverence will pay off...

Hi claire123

His behaviour sounds normal to me. However the way he is and how your friends will react depends on how you manage it. Do you tell him when he does things that are wrong, do you watch him when you are in group situations and challenge him when he starts to get a bit rough?

As fromheretomaternity said I always take DD away if she gets too excited, it does pay off eventually I think most other Mums just want to know you are doing something about the bad behaviour. All toddlers do something to test us but it is how we deal with it that makes the difference in the long term.

callmeovercautious - I always, ALWAYS am close at hand. I tell him before we get anywhere if he hurts anyone we will go home - and I do. I leave. When his sister is around and we are somewhere nice, and he does something, he sits in his pushchair. I always, always say no, and has time out at home. I hate that he is rough to other kids and will do whatever it takes for it to stop. I think my friends understand that I am having a hard time, and if anything i think they feel I can be too tough on him!

Clare123 - Sounds just like my DS. He turns 3 next week, and I am (naively) thinking that the magic button of the terrible-twos will switch off and he will stop.
The random hitting thing is the worst. He ran past an old lady in the street this week and couldn't resist a quick arm out and 'hit'. It doesn't seem to be malicious, just a weird habit. I reprimand him whenever he does it. Its not just people either, in shops he just clears things off shelves.

Like I said, I am keeping my fingers crossed that it will stop soon.

He sounds totally normal to me - stop worrying.