5 yr old DD - very anxious - i feel she isn't happy?!

[debs227]

My DD started reception in sept. She was at nursery at the same school as she is now. Her separation anxiety started in the last term of nursery and has continued in Reception. I contemplated at the time moving her to a different smaller school, but i though that would make matters worse, so i kept with the 'better the devil you know!.

She says she doesn't want to go to school the night before we go. And in the morning i can see her getting more and more upset by the thought of it. The plan is now to leave her crying with her favourite TA, in another room and they phone me to say she has calmed down and is happy.

Anyway, her anxiety is now creeping into our home lives, as i find it difficult to leave her with DH or her grandparents.

I am worried i am ignoring the fact that she maybe very unhappy at school.Or the fact that i leave her crying has caused the anxiety at home to get worse. Her teacher (who left at christmas) describes her as sensitive, but a good helper as she helps the other children with games etc. But she also said she feels she needs to stand up for herself more?!

She was always a happy, chatty child and now i feel she has become very anxious and unhappy. I think she does like school when she is there and happy, but she always complains that it is noisy.

Is this normal?? i feel i'm doing something terribly wrong and i hate to see her so sad!!

All I can say is that I'm going through some anxiety thing with my 5 year old (see yesterday's posting) but it doesn't manifest itself at school but at bedtime.

They are a total mystery and it breaks my heart. It's so easy to think you are being a rubbish parent and it's all your fault but it's not the case; I'm sure. Just hang in there, she'll adjust.

If you haven't already done so maybe try and have some of her friends to play after school and to encourage 'special' friendships. That way she'll be pleased to see them when she gets there?? It's good for her in the end and we all had to get through it. I can remember being miserable but it does pass.

It's terrible for you during this time but in a year I'm sure you'll look back and wonder what all the extra fuss was about. Just a bit more TLC than usual and the patience of a saint!! It's tough!!

I really feel for you, I have been through this too and I didn't know what to think/do. Was I making too much fuss and making it worse? Was there something going on and I needed to make more fuss? It was awful and the stress of seeing your lo anxious like that. Mine also complained about noise and crowds and a few years down the line with many ups and downs I have concluded that mainly there is nothing going on and she suffers from an anxious personality.

TBH I still struggle when she has an anxious episode but I try to stay as kindly blase as I can to stop it escalating. I am in close touch with the teachers though so we can all work together when she is anxious.

However to reassure this is a common phase in reception, the long hours dont help, and I am sure she will come out of it and it will be soon forgotten especially in ten years time when she refuses to walk next to you in the street because "you're embarrassing me mum!"

I hope that is helpful

Thank you.

She has a very close friend (a boy) in her class that she has grown up with outside of school, so she does have him as her anchor even though she plays with different members of the class. She had a very good friend who was a girl in nursery and i think because they were such a close twosome, other friendships were not formed and now this special friend is at another school.

School tell me that she 'is fine' once the crying has stopped, but it does go on and on for about 20 mins. It's heartbreaking.

She also suffers from recurrent UTI's since she started nursery, she has been given the all clear by the specialist. I worry she doesn't drink enough or is holding going to the toilet at school.

I'm hoping she will grow out of it. Trouble is, i was like this at school aswell and i don't want her to be the mirror image of me!!!