toddler in parents' bed, how to get him in his own bed?

[Dominique07]

Does anyone have advice to move DS smoothly from our bedroom, to his own? I plan to buy him a 'big boy' bed.
Since he grew out of his moses basket DS has slept in our bed(with mum and dad)and now age 2.5 generally goes to sleep whenever we do(maybe 10.30pm), and sleeps 10 hrs or so with his Dad.
Due to our circumstances as DP is ill and sort of a sahd, I usually rely on DP to look after DS, for example if I'm at uni, or working away for the week as I do sporadically. This means I have allowed/forced myself to relax my own personal parenting ideals and allowed DP his own style of parenting. Of course this makes me feel horribly guilty, and when I try to read a bedtime story or sing DS to sleep at a reasonable time(i.e. 8pm) it takes Hours and hours whereas previously it would only take me half an hour or so, although he ALWAYS wakes up when he realises he is in bed alone.
DP also genuinely believes for example, the standard sleep routine of 7pm - 7am to be CRUEL because its not how he was raised. Also, he dislikes me doing anything which makes/leaves DS crying. Tbh I tried really hard until DS was approx 2 yrs to put a bedtime routine in place but have never got him sleeping in his cot, he'd just jump out repeatedly all night long, and then on the other hand didn't see any harm in having him sleep in our bed. One thing we agree on is no smacking, rather give a verbal warning, and "time out".
However, I'm in a position this year with better work hours and more time at home, to do some proper parenting, (finally ) DS is going to a CM this month onwards and so now hopefully I will get DS in a good routine, sleeping in his own bed in his own room and waking up early to go to the CM.

So, any advice? I plan to buy the bed and bedding etc with him... although this kind of technique certainly hasn't helped me with potty training so far. Should I be thinking of sleeping on the floor next to his bed, or should I leave him in his room right from day one?

There are a few things that you can do:

1. yes get him to choose bedding etc explaining that this will be for his big boy bed.
2. have a wind down routine after tea start engaging in quiet calming activities.
3. bath time could then follow with a calm bath.
4. then put on jim jams.
5. have a story in bed followed by kisses and cuddles.

*make sure your child is awake before you leave.

1. If he is crying I would leave hime for 10 mins or so as he may settle himself, then I would if still crying go back in and reasure that you are there reading your post this may not be easy ?
2. If he comes out of bed take him back calmly each time, this may happen a lot.

When you deside to start to not stop and 8.start stick with it as it is crule to start then stop then start etc.

It is so important that your child has a good routine for them and for you if they know when they go to bed, that tea is followed by wind down time etc Most childen would be terrible without a general routine I would say.

One other thing good luck

Thank you! I'm going to start this all very soon, big boy bed due to arrive soon.

brilliant advice from thecloudhopper. i do think you should be strong and stick with it as these things often get harder. i would be inclined to use the 'big boy now' phrase throughout the day. my ds 2.6 responds to this very well (with a very proud, head held high, swagger). sit at the table, bigboy. use the potty now, bigboy. make it fun too and consistant. when you go to bed have maybe 2 short stories, we always make sure 1 is the same every night. like thecloudhopper suggests leave for 10 mins at a time but when you go back in dont turn a main light on or do anything to suggest its time to get up or go into mummy and daddies bed. good luck

Dominique07 let us know how you are getting on .

I have just done this with my ds age 2 and 7 mths.

He has always been in bed with us since he learned to climb out of his cot.

We read the Toddler Taming book and followed the advice to the letter.

It was hellish for the first night but after 3 nights he was going to bed with a story at 7pm and sleeping through till 630-7am.

We were stunned!

Having said that after about 2 weeks of this he woke last night and the whole miserable process was forced upon us all at 220.

It is kinder to be cosistent. Make your decision and stick with it.

Good luck

How is it going?

Hi the cloudhopper and all who gave good advice: Its going great, he even asks if he can get out of bed in the morning.
I'm so impressed. Who knew, he didn't like the cot, he just wanted a big boy bed!!!
When I put him to bed, sometimes he slips out of bed to get his preferred teddy but he knows to stay in the room and go to sleep. He usually listens to music to go to sleep, I don't know if this is starting a bad habit or if it will be ok but I alternate between various soothing types of music.