dd (3) so angry and argumentative with her playmates, means playdates are stressful and exhausting,been going on since she was 18m!

[minxofmancunia]

I have to watch dd like a hawk if she's around other 3 year olds (she's great with older ones esp girls and also babies very loving!). It's just constant fireworks, arguments over toys, hitting, grabbing, tears, tantrums.

If she doesn't whack them at some point she shouts at them and upsets them. I do all the usual, firm admonishment/timeout/making her apologise etc etc, consistent consequences. She just seem so angry. Fortunately we still get invitations to see her little mates but I'm concerned they'll dry up if this behaviour continues and she have no friends .

She's always beside herself afterwards saying sorry crying and trying to cuddle them but by that point they've withdrawn and don't want to know.

This particular "phase" has been going on for 18months and I'm beginning to dread having other children round as it's such bloody hard work and tbh it's getting embarrassing.

She's a very loving passionate little girl and can play well with other 3 year olds sometimes. She's not like this at nursery btw, never ahd a bad report about her behaviour there. Triggers are hunger, tiredness and being on home turf. I try to arrange meet ups in the morning at the park and provide snacks but it doesn't always work.

She's great at making new friend at the park btw and often gets involved quite happily with groups of older children, also apparently her friends talk about her all the time to their parents and are thrilled to see her and hate her leaving despite the spats so it's not all bad.

Been particularly bad these xmas hols though and I'm losing patience with her, as a result I feel the poor little thing is just gettign a constant stream of negativity from me which isn't good.

Any tips please?

It is probably not as bad as you think We all see the bad behaviour of our children and not others. When other kids misbehave I always think that god its not mine, not what a badly behaved child.

She is very young and I think you should stop yourself getting too stressed by this as she is probably picking up on your stress. Maybe stop playdates for a while or have them on neutral ground like a soft play centre or park, followed by a hot chocolate in a cafe.

Other thing is try to concentrate on positive things ie: look for her doing things right and concentrate on that. Like,"you shared that toy really nicely" etc.. You can also comment on good behaviour of other children, she will pick up on it.

But mostly don't stress, she is very wee and it will get easier.

moid thank you, that's what I think too! I.e. thank god it's not mine....

despite all of this she IS popular, I think part of the reason I get so het up about it is I had a friendless childhood and it was horrible and I can't stand the thought of the same thing happening to her

is it worse if there are lots of other children?

my eldest is very similar-sounding. he is fine with one other child, but if there are too many about he finds it really stressful and gets upset easily, which manifests itself in shouting and arguing and just general unpleasantness!
now i've realised what it is, and what his triggers are I try and avoid situations where I know he'll get stressed

thisisyesterday it's actually worse with just one, having a few about seems to diffuse the situation, especially if they're a bit older.

With just one it gets a bit too intense, she seems to care passionately about her friends and is either all over them like a rash hugging and kissing (which is understandably too much for them) or shouting and pushing over some percieved wrong doing.

minz - are you still around. This is exactly the problem I am having with my child. She is 3yr10m and it has been going on for about 5 months. I even have stopped playdates at friend's houses for the past 2 months. She plays worse on home turf (all tears and dramas mostly because she cannot cope with other children playing with her toys) and cries when they leave and refuses to say goodbye. At friends' houses, she has a complete meltdown when we have to leave and runs screaming around the house.

Like yours, she is extremely popular at nursery, and plays pretty well there, although has had 3-4 incidences that concerned them.

I had rather assumed it was tied to her new brother arriving (now 7 months) but I see from other posts that this behaviour isn't so uncommon.

When I was her age, I loved having friends over and playing with toys and I cannot understand how she can spend so much of the time in tears or lying under the table sulking. I tell her it is her opportunity to have fun and play together. Then when they leave she gets terribly upset that they are leaving!!!!