Bit deep for NYE but any amateur psychologists (or anyone) come and talk to me about the Oedipus complex!

[Ceebee74]

I did a degree in psychology a long time ago and one of the things that I remember is the Oedipus complex and I am sure DS1 is going it through it now.

He is 3.5 and whenever DH cuddles or kisses me, DS1 jumps in between us and pushes DH away! He is quite clingy to me aswell atm and also hates it if I am cuddling or playing with DS2.

Now I don't believe most of what Freud said but can only assume this is a phase that all little boys go through - hence why Freud tried to study and theorise it.

Any thoughts? Am staying in tonight so I have plenty of time

I think it's a normal phase... DS is 4.5 and still ike that, I am his absolute favourite person in the world Last week he was telling DH he wanted to marry me when he grew up and DH foolishly started explaining why that wouldn't be possible and poor DS sobbed. I am just enjoying it while it lasts!

Well sounds normal, I have studied Psychology to degree and postgrad level and it does indeed sound a little like Freud. Though i think that he does talk a lot of bs. His studies her conducted in the Victorian era where everybody was uptight about sex and probably had sex on the brain but had to repress it. His studies done on Middle class jewish women who came to him for pyschoanalysis without extending to different ethinic groups.

Oedipus complex.
As I recall, children at the genital stage 'fall in love' with the oppoisite sex parent. Described in most detail re boys, fall in love with mother (like Oedipus did when he unknowingly met his mother as as adult). They perceive the father as a rival for mother's affections, and have murderous impulses towards him (again like Oedipus). However they realise that father is much bigger and stronger and especially has a bigger penis, therefore their rivalry is doomed. They resolve this (and their guilt at the murderous implulses) by identifying with the father, and (getting a bit hazy here) incoporate some idealised aspect of the father into their own personality, this becomes the superego, which allows boy to overcome impulses, delay gratification for longer term ends, more or less a conscience.
Now in girls, a similar thing happens, except that she falls in love with father. She also notices that she has no penis !!! and takes this to be a punishment for her violent feelings towards her mother. She also has to give up her incestuous desires and identify with her mother but for a reason I can't remember, this identification is weaker which accounts for the general lesser moral character of women and probably also their failure to produce great art.

As you might imagine their are numerous criticisms one could make of this account, but fact remains little boys do often say they are going to marry their mums.

My dog is definitely a sufferer.

I was explaining this to my GCSE class a few weeks ago and they were horrified.

I do think Freud is correct that sex s behind much more than we woulk like to admit.

You have to remember that you are the first woman your DS will have a relationship with, it's almost like being in training for a 'sexual' relationship (I don't mean to focus on the sex, but just trying to distinguish between a familial relationship and a girlfriend relationship).

It's similar the other way round, DDs grow up wanting to 'marry their daddy' and dressing up for daddy.

It's just a phase, don't worry. Not sure how best to deal with it though.

i'm not sure about the Oedepus complex, but my 4yo DD would very much like to marry DH, and quite cross she can't becuase I married him first.

at Matchingcardigan's dog!

Shall thanks for the summary - am sure it is all a load of tosh but am thinking that most children must go through this phase at some point.

It is lovely to get lots of kisses and cuddles from DS1 - but I am starting to feel a bit guilty with DS2 who is definitely missing out as DS1 is so clingy to me!

I have looked on wikipedia and it says that it occurs between 3 and 5 so DS1 seems quite on the young age aswell.

lynette thats called Electra complex in girls .

iirc the oedipus/electra complex accounts for the partners we choose later in life. the people we are attracted to remind us in some way of our parents, and its the reasoning behind our attraction to specific physical types.

i remember studying this a few years ago and loved the theory! definately true in my DS case when he was about 2-4 and DD is 4 and just starting to cling to me now after a long time of being obsessed with daddy!

the theory about poo and nappies and liking the feeling etc is also a funny relevant one but i cant remember how it was actually explained to me! LOL

bonkerz, isnt it where the name anal retentive came from? something like the way you were potty trained accounted for how tidy/clean you are and conditions such as OCD stem from your parents being v strict when potty training you and taeching you that pooing is not a nice thing..

Freud sure was one mad person. I really don't know how any of his rubbish was believed by anybody.

found it now (love the fact i had to go google! LOL) OBJECT RELATIONS THEORY i believe And then there is the "anal personality," who can't stand to let go of control and who even keeps things like a pack rat, supposedly as a result of problems that took place during the overall time when toilet training was going on and he refused to let go of his poo-poo.

I do think that although a lot of it seems mad there is a kernel of truth in his ideas.

This thread caught my eye and I was glad to read the posts to see that it seems to be just a normal phase. My partner's daughter (3yr old) has an innate built in sensor that triggers in her from any part of the house and she will run - and I mean run - into whichever room we happen to be having a hug together - often yelling 'Nooooooo' and squirms in between us. Having prised us apart, she stands with her hands up in the air staring at her dad, until he picks her up. We think it's quite funny, and I hope - really hope- it is just a phase.

I have also studied psychology to postgrad level and quite enjoyed freudian psychoanalysis.

I am very surprised to see dd displaying a gender-confused version of the oedipal complex. She wants to marry me, pushes dh away when he comes near me and is very territorial about my affections. Slowly over weeks now she has started mimicking dh more and more, identifying with him and aping his pursuits and attitude.

Shudder to think what Sigmund would say. I'll ask him. He's on my slippers you see. They're Freudian slippers. I. Kid. You. Not.

Fantastic yep, DS1 seems to have that inbuilt trigger that makes him sense me and DH having a cuddle Although, this behaviour did seem to start after he caught me and DH 'in the act' (not sure how much he saw as we don't know how long he had been stood there before he spoke - and we were under the covers thankfully ) Again, I am sure Freud would have a field day with that!

Lyme ooh interesting about your DD - I would love to know what your slippers Freud would say about that!!

Crikey - I don't think I'd be alive if DD caught us doing anything more than hug - fully clothed :0

I love those freudian slippers! very revealing especially of the coo argh toes!!

My DD has an advanced electra complex - she really could not stand the fact Dh and I married before she could marry him.

Now she has a husband (one of her lovies) and a baby girly (her favourite lovey).

DD started being Electra-fying at about the time she self weaned at nine months. She's 5yo now and she still gives me the cold shoulder when Dh is around.

I "envy" those of you who have boys!!

That was supposed to be a not a face

Lyme, I have one of those, too! My DD is three and a bit and often announces that she is going to marry me soon. She constantly pushes her dad away and has even suggested that maybe Daddy could sleep in her bed so she can come in with me. How old is your DD? And has she always been like this? Mine has.