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Normality check please: toddlers kissing adults on mouth

35 replies

NameChangeForThisThread · 30/12/2009 13:19

Some background/context: I was abused by my uncle as a child, and am aware this has affected my perceptions of "normal" with regard to several things; in particular I am hyper-aware of sexualisation of children, and am not clear on what normal adult-child intimacy boundaries should be.

ds is nearly 2yo, and stays with his dad (not my dp) every other weekend. When he wakes upset in the night, I sometimes cuddle up to him in bed till he calms down. This week, on two nights, he gave me very affectionate cuddles, and kissed me repeatedly on the mouth (I never kiss him on the mouth, only face/forehead/hair etc). I felt very uncomfortable with this level of intimacy (which sounds awful - he's my ds FFS - but it is how I felt), and now have a cold fear in the pit of my stomach that someone has behaved inappropriately with him.

This is the first time since he was born I've reacted like this, so I'm not quite as paranoid as I may sound! Rationally, probably this is just a new game of his, and nothing to worry about. But I would appreciate some reassurance from other mums: does your 2yo kiss repeatedly on the mouth? Do you think it's appropriate for an adult to kiss a child on the mouth? Thanks.

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gaelicsheep · 01/01/2010 22:12

I've never deliberately kissed DS on the mouth as I absolutely hated it as a child. He has got me a few times if I haven't turned my cheek in time and it feels really strange to me - god knows why, he's my son after all. I do worry that he might think I'm not showing him affection or something, but it just doesn't seem right to me somehow.

MrsKitty · 01/01/2010 22:25

We kiss DS (2.10) on the mouth and sometimes he'll wrap his arms around my neck and kiss with a big mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmwah that goes on for ages! Never thought anything of it TBH or that anyone might be surprised at us kissing our kids on the mouth.

I'm sorry for the awful things that have happened to you in your past - I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, but please don't worry - I think this is absolutely normal toddler behaviour.

SixtyFootDoll · 01/01/2010 22:34

My friends duaghter aged 2 kissed me goodbye on the lips today, I hope they weren't offended by it.

mii · 01/01/2010 22:37

our dc always kiss on the mouth, DS gets v upset if you turn away

they kiss close friends/family on the mouth also, v normal

Paolosgirl · 01/01/2010 22:43

Without going into details, I know exactly where you're coming from. I felt exactly the same when I had DC1, and worried incessantly about what was 'normal' and what wasn't. We've got 3 DCs now, and I've learned to let them take the lead, iykwim? Kissing your children on the mouth is perfectly normal - although I know it can feel odd - but try and relax and enjoy the closeness, remember that what happened to you is not happening to him, and that physical touching and closeness between parents and children is, in the vast majority of cases, lovely, normal and natural (albeit a bit slimey sometimes!)

rasputin · 01/01/2010 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emsyj · 01/01/2010 23:16

My godson kisses me and also my DH on the lips. It's pretty gross, he's very dribbly, but he goes for the lips. He's 2.

Dominique07 · 02/01/2010 02:18

All this sounds so familiar, and I remember wondering if it was ok that DS wanted to kiss too (in fact he is also a slobbery face holding kisser) but we try to keep it just mum and dad that can kiss him on the mouth and had to discourage some family reminding them that they may pass germs.
It reminds me of a friend saying how her son had stopped BF and she didn't want him touching her breasts anymore, I was a bit and sceptical because I know my DS's hands fish around in my top a lot and thats just a comfort thing! As mentioned before, we have all become paranoid adults, but children showing affection with their parents is lovely. No harm mentioning it to his Dad though.

FiveSoloRings · 02/01/2010 03:10

Mouth here too...

nooka · 02/01/2010 03:21

My children are much older now, but I can remember them wanting to kiss me on the lips. I had a fairly normal childhood but hate being kissed on the lips by anyone except dh, it just feels intimate in a really wrong way to me. I kiss them on the forehead mostly, or the nose or the cheek, and they know that's what I like.

So although this is normal toddlerish stuff, I wouldn't worry too much that you don't like it, it might have nothing to do with your history at all, and your son won't be damaged if you say kiss me on the cheek or wherever you prefer (my two weren't very keen until we started kisses on the nose, which they found an interesting challenge, and they are still at 9 and 10 very affectionate).

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