Do yours "go all shy" in public so it looks as if they are just being rude... and what do you do?

[UnquietDad]

Took 9yo DD away for the night for a concert and we met up with an old friend of mine (J) who I used to work with. She has only met him once before when she was very little. Had a quick meet-up for coffee and a chat.

DD is a girl who is always around adults and knows how to have an intelligent conversation, but you wouldn't have known it from yesterday. Every time J asked her a question she'd either shrug, or answer in a monosyllable. Whenever she did say anything she addressed me and didn't even look at J. It wasn't as if she was in a bad mood or anything. She just temporarily seemed to have forgotten how to speak to people.

I'm worried he'll have gone away with the idea that she is rude and, even worse, stupid. This is a gay bloke with no kids but he has younger relatives and knows friends' children and so knows the things to ask children to engage them - it wasn't as if we were talking about Grown Up Stuff all the time.

Gah. Sometimes I am so, so proud of her, but some days I am just ashamed...

Yes i do get that Lenin, that people think that she is strange even her grandparents said that she was 'odd' and 'strange' and not like their other gc who is very sociable and around the same age as dd, it made me feel and , as she is not those things she is just herself. Her speech is fine, she does speak more when with people who are familiar to her like me and dh, and my mum, and her godparents who she adores.

'I think you need to examine your motivations.... they are not performing monkeys....'.

I 'm afraid i agree with this.

This is not the case of a shy child. This is about a dad who got frustrated and 'ashamed' because a friend will not be impressed by his dd. It is very sad.

The poor child was probably bored. Or she sensed that you wanted her to 'perform' infront of your friend and she refused to do it.

Cirrhosis has made very good points and i hope that you take them on board.

Thanks lenin it is reassuring, yes dd does like to get to know someone first before warming to them, my dh parents live abroad so she does not see them as often as my mum who lives more locally. When dh parents come over they stay with SIL most often, they practically brought up their dc while she went to work for about 2 years on and off so its no wonder that their other gc feels more comfortable with them. They are also totally different kids, their other dc loves to perform, he is such an extrovert and will go to anyone.

Good plan batman