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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Ds (5yo) dead set against having a sibling - I am pregnant and panicking - any advice?

10 replies

TheArmadillo · 22/12/2009 15:34

I am around 8 weeks pregnant. Am very happy about this apart from ds (5yo) not liking the idea of a sibling. That's a bit mild really, he hates the idea with a passion.

Haven't told ds I am pregnant yet but have told him that mummy and daddy might have another baby in the future.

Part of the problem seems to be that he thinks that he would have to look after the baby - trying to convince him this isn't true ('it's mummy and daddy's job to look after the baby and ds job to eat all the biscuits in the house and do playing'). But this doesn't help.

I think part of the problem might be that he is jealous - he is not only an only child but an only grandchild as well.

This is really stressing me out. Any info I've seen about introducing the idea of a sibling is aimed at those with toddlers and not really applicable. Also worried about getting him a book as it might be about 'helping' with the new baby and stress him further.

He is a stubborn child and it's difficult to change his mind about anything. And the whole thing is getting me really worried.

Any one been through this and have any ideas?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bourboncreme · 22/12/2009 15:42

We had this with ds1 when I was expecting ds3,he was 7 at the time and ds2 was 3.I think part of it was fear of the unknown plus jealousy etc.We tried to ignore it as much as possible so that he didn't get into the idea that he could get attention from this attitude,however I did try to make sure we had plenty of quiet time to discuss his concerns .

The amazing thing was that when ds3 was born ,ds1 fell in love straight away,ds2 who was really keen and had no prior concerns was not so keen!so the reality may be vey different

One thing i would say is don't over concentrate on the big boy stuff as some especially GP do because I think one of his concerns was that he wouldn't be cared for as much as the baby iyswim

Goodluck ,try not to worry too much ,it is true that children are very accepting,in the long runm having a sibling will be afantastic thing for him but he can't possibly know that at the moment

SnotChristmasYetBaby · 22/12/2009 15:42

We let our eldest (6) be the one to tell GPs and other important people that we were expecting, so that they got the big reaction!

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 22/12/2009 15:45

thank you for these - some very good ideas.

Unfortunately we have told dp's parents and only mine to tell (who will not be happy) so too much of a risk for ds to tell them.

I think avoiding the 'big boy' is a good idea and to remind him he will still be my baby.

Hopefully it will all turn out fine in the end.

tahnk you

OP posts:

bourboncreme · 22/12/2009 15:47

If it helps my ds1 is now 16 and he is still my baby in many ways !!

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 22/12/2009 15:55

just told ds he would always be my baby. 'I'm not a baby I'm a big boy' he said indignantly.

dp years ago was working in a shop and a very hard looking guy came in with his 6foot plus 18yo son. The guy referred to and called his son 'baby'. as in 'here baby' or 'this is for baby'. maybe he took it a little too far.

OP posts:

heth1980 · 23/12/2009 16:06

I would see if you can get him a book about being a big brother (we got one for my DD off amazon) and really big up what a special and important job being a big brother is. Also explain to him that you will still love him just as much and that you will still take him to the park/play with his toys etc (whatever it is that you usually do together).......I think it's important to make them understand that their routine will still go on pretty much as normal and a new baby probably won't change things as much as he thinks it will.

Failing all that, my personal hope is that DD will have no choice but to get used to the idea once the baby is actually here!!

nickytwotimes · 23/12/2009 16:08

Congratulations, Armadillo.

Fwiw, I always told my parents I didn't want a sibling but in all honesty I would have liked one MOST of the time.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/12/2009 17:14

TheArmadillo DS1 was thrown completely when DS2 was born (but he was only 2.7). I remember making the mistake of calling him a Big Boy - and he retorted with "I'm not a big boy, I'm a baby. Charlie (DS2) is a big boy".

Honestly, I'd say try not to stress too much. I don't think you can predict how they will react when the baby is here - your DS really has no idea what it will be like. I'd say keep some routines very solid if you can eg bedtime, bathtime, try and get time alone with your PFB, don't expect anything in terms of interest in or helping with the baby - but praise to the skies if he is helpful

Original poster

TheArmadillo · 23/12/2009 17:58

Thank you for these they are very reassuring.

Over the coming months I think we will try and make clear to ds that we will try not to change things for him.

Luckily have very supportive PIL who hopefully will be taking him on holiday a few weeks before baby due to spoil him. He adores them and usually we go away with them but not sure I will feel up to it.

OP posts:

FolornHope · 23/12/2009 18:00

dont ask HIM fgs

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