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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Feeling Disheartened by criticism of my parenting- Family telling me DS (2.8) only misbehaves around me?

18 replies

wheresmypaddle · 21/12/2009 11:08

DS is 2.8. He is generally lovely, full of enthusiasm, with a typical toddlers 'willfull streak'. He has his moments, but I am generally fairly happy with things on the behaviour front.

I work two days a week -he spends one day with my mum and her partner and the other with DP or nusrery. Sometimes he also spends time with DP's parents or my Dad. The rest of the time he is with me and/or DP.

Everyone tells me he is a complete angel with them and that once I arrive his behaviour changes instantly. I agree we do quite often seem to have a 'moment' or two when I arrive e.g. he will refuse to eat his tea (my reaction is thats fine, no fuss and nothing else is offered), gets wingy etc..

This has led to comments about my poor parenting from the GPs. In particular, they feel its down to me 'being soft' and letting him 'get away with murder'. I find this quite hard to hear as I honestly don't think this is the case.

Anyone else have a similar experience or any suggestions. The constant criticism is beginning to get to me........

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MollieO · 21/12/2009 11:12

The theory is children are themselves with those to whom they are closest so if your ds misbehaves with you take it as a compliment. My ds is 5.5 but is the same - an angel with others and can be a nightmare with me. At least my mum appreciates that and knows my parenting has nothing to do with it (I'm stricter than her anyway!).

Missus84 · 21/12/2009 11:12

I'm a nanny, and tbh all children behave worse with their mothers than with anyone else. I think it's because they feel more secure with their mothers and don't worry about being on their best behaviour to make you love them!

belgo · 21/12/2009 11:14

Constant criticism is just what you have to put up with as a parent.

Your ds sounds perfectly normal - you would be far more worried if he was naughty with everyone else but good with you!

BlackYellowRed · 21/12/2009 11:17

"Good as gold" we get from anyone else. Drives me crazy. Don't let the comments get to you. Sure your parents and in-laws went through the same! And I don't think they would have appreciated comments like that either!

BornToFolk · 21/12/2009 11:18

It's totally normal, isn't it? DS is 2.2 and generally lovely, but if he's going to be naughty, he'll do it for DP and me. He's an angel for Granny and at nursery. He does tend to act up more when he gets home after a night at Granny's house, like he's testing the boundaries.

No toddler is going to be perfectly behaved all the time, are they? That's really expecting too much.

cornysxmasmuffmusic · 21/12/2009 11:23

My extremely experienced childminder reassured me that ALL the children played up when their parents came to collect them. It's absolutely normal and shows they feel safest with you. If they're 'good as gold' with grandparents they aren't being themselves and are holding back - no child is good all the time.

Original poster

wheresmypaddle · 21/12/2009 11:24

Ah its not just me then!! Thank you - I feel much better now - just need to convince GP's its not necessarily down to my terrible parenting.

OP posts:

HeffaMerryChristmas · 21/12/2009 11:26

My mum always says that kids should be their worst around their parents. My nieces and nephews are 'good as gold' with the rest of us and act up more with their parents. It's completely normal.

DrSkidaddle · 21/12/2009 11:29

I think they should be crediting you with your excellent parenting seeing as he's so good when he's with them - where do they think he learned to behave so well? My ILs are exactly the same, and it does get me down, but like your DS my DC are really well behaved most of the time, and always with anyone who isn't us (i.e. me and DH), and I think we deserve FULL credit [medal?!] for this!

TreeFuses · 21/12/2009 11:32

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Original poster

wheresmypaddle · 21/12/2009 11:34

Heffa - wish my mum was so understanding!!

DrSkiddaddle - I like your way of thinking that I should take some credit for his 'angelic' behaviour with the GPs. Maybe I could really push it and suggest his good behaviour is due to them spoiling him!!!!

OP posts:

Florin · 21/12/2009 19:14

My godaughter is like this and she is exactly the same age. I thought my best friend (goddaughter mum) was to be honest being over the top when she told me about her bad behaviour. When she comes to us she doesn't cry once she goes to bed without a fuss at 7 and wakes up between 8:00 - 8:15! At home she apparently throws trantrum about everything and wakes up at 6 each morning. I normally either see best friend for adult girly time or god daughter without her as we have to stay for weekends to give her mum a break so don't often see them together but did a couple of weekends ago when they both stayed for most of the morning and oh my god my wonderful godaughter who I think is simply perfect was a monster as soon as her mum arrived never seen anything like it so think its completly normal!

whelk · 21/12/2009 19:39

Perfectly normal - and actually down to YOUR great parenting that he is well behaved with them. Well done!

Jux · 21/12/2009 20:33

Yeah, don't worry. As so many others have said, your kids often behave worse with you than with others. It's because they feel such confidence in your love for them that can be free to be naughty. It's a good thing!

hettie · 21/12/2009 20:39

the reason he is good with GP's is down to your good parenting- he tests the boundaries with you 'cause he feels secure to do so...

OrmIrian · 21/12/2009 20:42

I wouldn't take it as critisism paddle. It's just an observation. All 3 of mine are like that. Always have been.

Consider how awful it would be if you had people telling you that your DC was appallingly badly behaved when you weren't there.

butterscotch · 21/12/2009 20:50

What they said and to a degree their measure of it might be different! My CM also said to me that children always play up at te handover cos they expect her not to tell them off in front of you!

Also with my IL's they say she is good all the time but I'm not convinced, because my DH has said that he's dad sometimes has shouted at her when he is there (For what hubby see's as no real reason!) just that his dad flys off the handle quickly....so I suspect all is not what we are told....also my IL's spoil her give her stuff she doesn't have at home often! e.g. she'll have something sweet after lunch only gets fruit at home

janeys2010 · 02/01/2010 20:31

I would agree with everyone who's said that its because they feel safest with you and can misbehave. My other thought is that its a form of punishment. i have a 4yo and have to travel for work - she has a ball at home when I am away and turns into a monster once I've had a big hug from her on my return. I am convinced its her way of 'telling' me that she's annoyed that I've been away but can't actually verbalise her feelings properly.

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