My 20 month old will not sleep through the night, need advice please

[katie1313]

My son wakes in the night and screams, I've tried leaving him to cry but have had to get him as he woke the whole house. I've tried comforting him and leaving the room bu this seems to make him worse. I've had to resort in putting him in our bed with me and my parner and I know this is going to create problems rather than anything else. Anyone got any advice? I'm desperate, I need sleep!!

Did this start recently? Has it been going on for a while? If its recent & he was otherwise sleeping ok, perhaps there's a specific reason? You will have to employ your investigating skills to find this .

I say this because my own DS (16 months) who was sleeping ok has started waking regularly in the night & screaming. We resorted, like you, to patting him & comforting him, or giving him milk, or taking him to our bed. NOne of these worked (in fact they entrenched the waking up). What we found is in the end that he was probably cold. Seems very simple but it worked up to a point, because once we put the heating on at night a couple degrees above what it was, he started sleeping through again.

Other reasons they might be waking: pain? (perhaps an ear ache if the waking is only recent so you could try Calpol). Having nightmares? Habit (if he knows he'll end up in your bed). Developmental changes? It really does all depend though on whether this is a sudden change, which points to a particular reason, or a more gradual, persistent change, which points IMO to habit which you need to then work on changing...

Just to say you're not alone here katie.My daughter is 18 months and she ends up in our bed every night now...was actually thinking of starting a tread myself.I am sure this is not for any of the obvious reasons like being cold or something...My daughter doesn't actually screams.She starts screaming if i don't take her to our bed.

Oh I feel your pain! DS (20 months) was always a brilliant sleeper and just recently has been dreadful, waking up every night at 4am and screaming for an hour or more.

Just don't know what to do. We've tried controlled crying, which has always worked in the past - not working. Drink / cuddles / whatever soothe him, but only till you try and put him down again. We've tried leaving the heating on to no avail too!! Door open, door shut. Nightlight on, nightlight off. Ditto music. GAAAAHHHH!!!

He did sleep through last night - for the first time in about 6 weeks. We didn't do anything different and I have no confidence he'll do it again. Hate the bloody randomness of it. Have a permanent headache from the disturbed nights.

So. I'm no help, sorry. But you're not alone xxx

Hi all

HELP !

Our 18 month old son used to sleep well i.e could self settle until a few nights ago.

He now requires comforting i.e. falling asleep in mums arms to get to sleep a] when he does to bed and b] when he wakes at night which was twice last night

He did have a bad cold a last week which he has now recovered from during which he woke at night coughing etc so we comforted him.

Now suddenly will not go to sleep without comforting which can take 30mins to 2 hours of rocking in arms. If we lay him down he gets up straight away crying for mom.

Obviously we can 'cry it out' but we tried that yesterday afternoon and he cried 2 hours and still didn't go to sleep !

One issue is that when he wakes he stands in his cot and cries, should we ignore until he learns to laid down and self settle himself. It seems by responding to him we are reinforcing that if he wakes, stands and cries we will go to him...

Does anyone have any suggestions or similar experiences ?

I do the odd bit of Sleep Training (used to be my main 'job') and I have to say that CC of sorts is my preferred method of 'training' LOs to sleep without making everyone else in the family exhausted. I have to say though, that it only ever works for me (with my own children and clients' children) if they are definitely ready for sleep and if you do the 2 minute checking version.

Last night was no better, I think I left him for 30mins but he just got worse, as though he was being tortured! And he ended in our bed. I'm going to try and leave him tonight, but as its around 2am I worry about the neighbours but at least my 4 year old sleeps through anything, otherwise I'd have 4 in the bed no doubt.
He goes through stages, he's never been a perfect sleeper. Last month he wouldn't go down, we used 2 get him up and wait till he was sleepy but one day I'd had enough so we just left him to cry and after a few days he got it. I think if he wernt waking in the night I'd leave him but he's so loud! Good luck to everyone, lets hope its just our monsters being excited for christmas and the phase will pass... wishful thinking!

Sorry it wasn't a good night Katie. Wasn't brilliant here either, he woke up about 10 for about 90 mins, then again about 4, then up from 7 (usually sleeps till 8).

He's full of cold and upset tummy and looks so pale and worn out bless him. Hoping to get him down with some medised in 45 mins or so. Now he's poorly really I just want him to sleep, don't care how he gets there!

(ps We turned heating off last night as he was too hot - is there ever a happy medium?!)

Good advice here. I had a similar experience with DS2 - his sleep went to pot after illnesses and teething, and I ended up dosing him with Calpol nearly every night long past the time when it was necessary.

I went to the GP when DS2 was around 18 months so he could check him over and he advised Sleep Training.

I used Controlled Crying - the version which is in Toddler Taming. I know that book is not universally liked on MN, but CC does not involve leaving to cry for hours on end. If memory serves, I went to him at intervals of 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 7 minutes etc. It was painful at first - but it worked within 4 days.

If you are going to do it, you have to feel very sure that it is the right thing for you and your child, and you have to stick to it.