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Sleeping nightmare with 4mo son

20 replies

Skaffen · 19/12/2009 18:34

My wife and I are getting to our wits end with our ds. He's 4 and a bit months old and although he has never been a great sleeper, the last week or two have been awful.

Our standard routine is - bath at 6.30pm (used to be later, but when the clocks changed it became impossible to keep him scream-free for later times - even keeping things at 6.30 is a challenge, he normally starts getting very grumpy from 5.30/6.00), then a bottle (normally breastfed plus this one bottle at night, which he takes no problem), normally a breast topup and then bed. This had worked reasonably well in the past with even the odd night where he's slept through, although normally it's at least one feed if not two during the night.

Now he wakes an hour after being put down and we then enter a nightmare of screaming.

Last night he had a number of 30 min sleeps, but always woke up screaming and was inconsolable. We've tried controlled crying, hugging, walking, feeding, white noise - all of them result in a tired, upset, screaming, awake baby. For hours and hours on end.

I'm fairly sure it's related to his inability to nap during the day - today he only had one 30min nap (they're usually a max of 30 mins, rarely longer). It's virtually impossible to get him to nap without a trip in the pram or car, even then he'll wake as soon as the motion stops. At home he has some kind of motion sensor that flicks him awake as soon as you try to lay him down.

We've steeled ourselves to try controlled crying again tonight, but are both living in dread of it and both suffering from stress as a result.

Anyone experienced similar or have any tips before we both go insane?

Thanks.

OP posts:
TheHouseofMirth · 19/12/2009 18:42

I don't have any time right now to post properly. I do know what it's like to be severely sleep-deprived but please, please, please don't attempt controlled crying on a 4.5 month old baby. Even proponents of this method agree it should never be attempted on babies younger than 6 months.

MummyDragon · 19/12/2009 19:01

Hi there,

My husband and I had pretty much the same experience with our first child (also a boy). Except, unlike yours, he didn't settle at all in the evening, just screamed himself hoarse every night, starting at approx. 6.30 p.m. and lasting until about 10 p.m. It was foul. Nothing we did made any difference.

With hindsight (a wonderful thing) I would have given him a dummy. With our second child (a girl - not sure if this makes a difference or not, but I have been told that boys tend to experience colic more than girls) we used a dummy from about 2 or 3 weeks old in the evenings - and it was a bloody lifesaver, we never had any evenings of screaming at all.

So - you could try a dummy. Don't let any perceived notions about dummies put you off using them. They can be kept reasonably hygienic if you buy lots of them and sterilise them religiously, and it is very easy to get your child to give the dummy up when they're a bit older (with DD, it took me one whole evening when she was about 16 months old, and that was it - no more dummy).

Also, if you can get your DS to have regular nnaps during the day, it would probably help. To start with, why don't you use the carseat/buggy for this, just to give yourselves a bit of a break? And I know that people will say that you're making a rod for your back etc etc, but you could do this in the evenings too ... even if it's just a couple of times a week, to give yourselves a break. Again, with hindsight, that's what I would have done.

It WILL get better.

Oh, and if you want to know how we got through this stage without a dummy - well, we did controlled crying. Yes, our baby was much younger than 6 months. But that's what we did. It was horrible. It worked. And I will be flamed and judged for saying it!

K75 · 19/12/2009 19:08

Has he seen a cranial oestopath at any point?

You don't need to do controlled crying (and I am not anti at all) at this age; just settle i.e. to when he has stopped crying and then replace in bed awake; will take a few days but worked for us twice.

They do need daytime naps; again you may well have to "force" this by repeating above to get him to sleep in his bed. It's a great age to get them to pick this up though; only gets harder. My 4 month old needs a good 3 hours a day; I think this is average. Can be 2 or 3 naps, up to you. We currently have 45 mins 9-10am; 45 mins 4-5pm and 2 hours at lunchtime. V handy as overlaps with DD1 and gives us all a break.

Good luck.

angel1976 · 19/12/2009 20:58

Skaffen - If your DS likes movement, have you tried a swing for his naps? Try getting one of freecycle or borrow from friends (if you are in SE London, I have one you can have as my DS2 seems to hate it though DS1 loved it and used to take long naps in it with it swinging the whole time, if I turned it off, he woke up! ) as at 4.5 months, he won't be in it for long but might save your sanity.

JimmyMcNulty · 19/12/2009 21:13

Just a thought - have you ruled out that he is feeling unwell?

Am currently going through the same thing with my ds2 (also 4.5 months) and it has been accompanied by a cold and green, mucousy stools for some of the time.

Does he seem happy/comfy during the day?

Also, if it's any comfort, I remember going through a nightmare period of sleep with ds1 at the same point. It did pass. If you search on here there are many, many threads asking what on earth is going on with their 4/5 month olds at night.

Igglybuff · 19/12/2009 21:13

Skaffen how do you let your DS nap in the day - do you let him fall asleep when he's worn out? It might be worth working out how long he can stay awake before he gets tired as it sounds like your DS is overtired.

My DS (11 weeks) can only stay awake for 60-90 mins then shows signs of tiredness (staring blsnky, limp limbs, rubs eyes, red around eyes). Once I see these signs, I reduce stimulation (pick him up, keep calm) and rock him to sleep. It's confusing sometimes as he'll act tired but if I leave him, he'll get hyper.

If I don't get DS to nap, he has a meltdown. I've discovered a dummy can help. Or fresh air! You probably get hot as will he trying to calm him, so try opening doors/windows (even in this weather) which can help. My DS also naps better with fresh air.

If CC stresses you out then I'd leave it for now.

littlemisslozza · 19/12/2009 21:14

DS2 is the same age and wouldn't settle for a nap. Fell asleep on the move like your DS and woke up if you put him down. Discovered last week that he likes to hold something, now I can put him in his cot for a nap at the first signs of tiredness (usually when he's been awake for about 2 hours) and he'll go to sleep. He has a little blankie bear thing and I poke my head in to move it away once he's asleep. He also has a dummy.
I have found with both my boys that if they have good naps in the day (at least an hour three times a day at this age ime) they sleep so much better at night.
Good luck and I hope it gets resolved soon.

Lionstar · 19/12/2009 21:15

We used a cranial osteopath for 12 week old DS and it helped with the evening screaming, so worth a try if he is unsettled due to colic.

We have also noticed that DS is much harder to settle in the evening if he hasn't slept in the day, so your assumption is probably correct that he is overtired. Our solution to getting him to sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time during the day is to let him sleep on his front . I'm not entirely comfortable with this given the SIDS risk, but I keep him under very close supervision. He will happily sleep for 2 hours in this position. It was my Mum who advised me to try this, all 5 of her kids slept on their front without a second thought (as they did back then).

For what it's worth we have tried a dummy and he is completely outspoken in his absolute passionate hatred for them . As for CC I wouldn't advise it at this age, however we do let DS cry for a minute or two before attending him, because he does occasionally re-settle.

littlemisslozza · 19/12/2009 21:20

should add - DS2 does not sleep through the night yet, goes from about 9.30 - 2 then he has a feed, then he feeds again around 5-6 ish, then goes back to sleep until DS1 gets us up around 7.30am. It's a funny age, some sleep through, some don't and both are quite normal I believe. Being upset all night can't be right though, could he be teething? I expect his lack of proper naps in the day is contributing too though.

FWIW I find controlled crying too stressful too.

Igglybuff · 19/12/2009 21:21

I also second angel's suggestion. A sling is how I get DS to sleep for two hours at lunch. I've also taken him out at 3am to get DS to sleep!

Also I think there is a developmental leap at around 4 months I.e baby develops new skills which makes them extra fussy etc. So I'd just do whatever it takes to survive and don't worry about routine til it passes.

Honeypeckle · 19/12/2009 21:22

Please don't try cc just yet, 4 months is too young imo. Could he be ill, teething?

Also if he is tired before 6.30pm why not put him to bed then? My DS (5 months) has his bottle at 6pm and is normally asleep 15 mins later. I wanted him to have a later bedtime but he obviously has different ideas!

As someone else has said have you tried a swing or vibrating chair. Until a month ago and still odd times now DS would have his day naps in that as he wouldn't go down in his cot.

Is is stressful and frustrating at times but please don't despair it does get better. DS was waking up 4-6 times a night until 2 weeks ago and now he sleeps through.

NoChristmasMojo · 19/12/2009 21:36

reflux????

Very hard to get diagnosed, but aounds like similar symptoms to my friends little one - she used to walk the streets at 3am with her dd in pram as only time she didnt cry! I think it is called silent reflux as they dont vomit or have many outwardly obvious symptoms.

NoChristmasMojo · 19/12/2009 21:37

my link should say silent reflux

NoChristmasMojo · 19/12/2009 21:39

silent reflux

third time lucky

Igglybuff · 19/12/2009 21:44

Just realised angel said swing... I thought she said sling. Whoops!

Skaffen · 19/12/2009 22:18

Lots of great advice and similar experiences, thanks - they all help. We're going to give controlled crying a miss and stick with hugs and reassurance for now

OP posts:
spanna74 · 20/12/2009 09:59

we had this (literally waking every hour screaming), our DD2 (5.5 months) has got silent reflux and is now on medication that works but her sleep is still dreadful. we resorted to co-sleeping for now (she is in our room anyway), not something i ever thought i would do, in fact with DD1 we made a conscious decision that we would never have her in our bed. How different things have been this time.

She is still waking a few times a night but settles back so much more quickly and sleeps for longer stretches (down to about 2 wakes a night now which is great for us).

Co-sleeping isn't for everyone and i never ever thought i would be going down that route but we were desparate and if it means we all get a bit more sleep i am happy.

I agree with everyone else though don't do CC yet, we did it with DD1 at 15 months and even then i found it hideous and nearly gave up.

Hope your DC settles soon for you.

pispirispisloveschristmas · 20/12/2009 12:06

My dd did this at 4 months and it turned out to be teething. Lasted about a month and was very stressful, but it does pass (until the next thing comes along! )

As others have said it could be reflux too. I wouldn't do cc with a baby that age, far too young. Don't put yourselves through that, and your baby could be teething/about to get a cold/have reflux.

When my dd was 4 months she slept 5 30min naps a day - think that's normal. A few weeks later, she was sleeping for 3 one and a half hour naps, so don't dispair yet, it can take a while for long naps to develop. Just keep trying, putting him down somewhere peaceful a while after each feed, you'll get there in the end.

I agree with whoever said try a dummy. A total godsend for me, and I have in fact heard friends lamenting that their dc WON'T take a dummy and are so hard to settle! your baby's only little and needs comfort. I know it's sooo hard to go through broken nights, but it will pass and the fact your baby has been sleeping well means he's very likely go back to sleeping well when whatever is bothering him passes. Good luck!

pispirispisloveschristmas · 20/12/2009 12:10

Oh sorry I see you said only one 30 min nap in the day. The way my dd learnt to sleep without movement was with the dummy! Before that it was the sling/walks in the park.

babbi · 20/12/2009 15:13

Think to be honest your expectations are too high !! You are very lucky and probably a bit spoilt that a 4 month old has already slept through the night ! ( Mine never did it ever until 18 months )
As parents of a 4 month old don't plan on getting much sleep ...any you get will be a bonus.
Sorry if this doesn't help ... I would say try a dummy ... it drove me mad trying all sorts - my GP simply said "there's nothing wrong with her, she doesn't sleep because she's a BABY !" But then I at least felt better that it wasn't anything that I was doing wrong..
meantime take turns at getting up and tell yourself it won't be like this forever

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