Disturbed nights with a pre-schooler - what works for you?

[MrsTittleMouse]

DD1 has been ill recently and so we've fallen into the pattern of her waking at night, calling for DH, DH goes to her and sorts out whatever's wrong, DD1 goes to sleep. Except now she isn't ill, and is still waking. Worse, as there isn't anything actually wrong, we don't seem to be able to console her. Often she wakes up DD2, who normally sleeps through, and then I'm BFing as DH is getting milk and trying to calm DD1 down and it all turns into a circus.

The past couple of nights, after an hour or so (with gaps in between when we hope that she will settle herself) DH has become really angry - he's so tired and needs to be up early in the mornings for work. He then gets cross with her, she becomes hysterical, and last night she ended up in bed with me and DH downstairs on the sofa just so that we could get some sleep.

This was a bad idea - our bed in normally completely out of bounds as DD1 is really stubborn and given an inch will take a mile. It was born from exhaustion, but we cannot do it again, and really need ideas to get her to be able to go to sleep if she wakes in the night.

She goes to sleep just fine - she found it difficult when she was ill, but I let her have the door open and the landing light on so that she can "read" a picture book in bed and that seems to work, as it takes the pressure off falling asleep. We certainly don't do anything special like staying with her at bedtime, so I don't understand why we would have to at 3am.

Bumping, as we are desperate not to repeat last night's performance tonight!

How old is she ?

I had this with DS2. I had used CC with him when he was around 16 months (which worked extremely quickly), but then around 3 his sleep became disrupted again. I do think they start to have nightmares at this time, so maybe get her a night-light if she hasn't got one. (get her to choose it).

What worked for us was simply to give him a cuddle, make sure he was happy and settled, then very firmly tell him that we'd go back and check on him in a few minutes - then we'd do that. Another thing was to put one of his toy dogs at the end of the bed and tell him that it would look after him while he slept.

As I write this, I can't believe it was that easy, but it did work that way. He was/is also a boundary-pusher, and like to have a definite routine (a certain number of kisses, a certain way of saying goodnight etc)

We've tried everything over the last year or so, and different things work for a while.

The current favourite is bribery. I bribed him out of desperation last night and promised chocolate cake if he slept all night without waking us up. I also explained that we all need sleep to be happy and healthy and remarkably he slept all night.

Frankly I think nothing works but time and patience. It is just a phase, and you need to remember that it will get better.

Thank you for the responses!

DD1 is three. She has a night light and a lot of special toys for her bed. We also have a special "magic" toy that gives you nice dreams, after a spell of nightmares about 9 months ago (when she was 2.5).

I think that we are struggling a lot with this, partly because we're both ill now, and partly because we've only just got DD2 to sleep through the night. So we are starting from a base of a year's sleep deprivation (plus a crummy pregnancy in my case too).

Well, we are in the same boat! Shall we form a quiche?!

Aaah yes, I remember it well ... the lovely baby/toddler no-sleep marathon.

Sorry I can't be more helpful - my brain is still addled from the sleep deprivation (mine are 6 and a half and 9)

Bribery sounds good ...

I'd rather eat a quiche! Or better still, a slice of the bribery chocolate cake.

We seem to have a tag team family over here -just as one gets the hang of something, the other decides to kick off. They are in separate rooms for the moment, or I would genuinely start to wonder whether DD1 sneaks up to DD2 in the night and says "I'm finding tantrums a bit wearing at the moment, don't suppose you could take over for me, there's a sport?".

Mrs tm- the tag team is the killer - i have 3 under 4 and some nights i don't know who slept or when

Rory you are very brave! This is a good part of the reason why there won't be a third.

I keep thinking about the years ahead, and mulling over teenagers that have to be prised out of bed with a crowbar until I remember that when they're teenagers I'll be lying in bed awake tossing and turning as I wait for them to come home!

Hello, I have a 2.10yo who wakes with nightmares or because his foot is out of the duvet and a 7mo who wakes most nights (thankfully is night-weaned but currently learning to crawl and gets stuck sideways in the cot several times a night) -- IKWYM about the tag team!

Mrs TM - not brave by any stretch of the imagination - foolhardy and knackered but, that's life and many others too are in the same boat.

Sorry no tips

Bunny clock works here (the john lewis one with lights). Also a star chart for staying in own bed and sleeping till bunny; 3 nights = ice cream; 7 a new puzzle after we also mucked up and let her sleep with us when sick. Was a pain to fix. She's 2.5 btw. Good luck; is not fun; we had 2 weeks of this when we had a 4 week old but fortunately both sleep now.

My dd is a little younger than that but a star chart worked well.
Also out of desperation once we knew she was fully well/ happy etc we took all the props away so just one teddy in bed and explained at bed time that she was not to call out unless she wasn't well and we would ignore her.
It was hell on night one but it totally stopped after two nights and she has slept through since (except for the odd time) and still has a star every morning !

DD is 3.5 but has always been a bad sleeper. Now she has phases of sleeping well and then some of sleeping badly. She always sleeps badly when something exciting is coming up too i.e Christmas. We tried star charts and bribery, but it doesn't really work for us. She has cuddled up to me and told me that she doesn't mean to wake up but she just can't sleep. I know what she means because I was an awful sleeper as a child too. So now we just do whatever she thinks will help her to sleep. Sometimes that is a drink, sometimes a wee, sometimes a the landing light on, sometimes a song and sometimes she hops into bed with us.

I know some people will think I'm being incredibly soft, but I know my daughter and I know that is it very hard to wake yourself up intentionally to be "naughty". I guess what I am saying is do whatever works and it will pass.

We had this - DD is the same age and she was waking at exactly the same sodding time every night. We fixed it by going in twenty minutes before her due time to wake up and gently woke her, then resettled her. Three days later, all fixed - hurrah.

Now if I could only get sodding DS to do the same!

We too seem to have a tag team night time duo, soon to become a trio!!!!! I use bribery...awful thing to admit!! Also relying heavily on the Santa thing...what on earth will happen after crimbo is anyone's guess! No real inspirational advice, just think that more of us than would like to admit are in the same boat. Won't last forever, Will it?! Fingers crossed for a good night all round x

We have 3 DC's ages 4, 2 and 8 mos. the older 2 keep waking in the night about 10 times between them. they share a room so when one wakes up and starts calling for us, the other wakes up crying or screaming which then wakes up baby in the other room.

they usually wake fully asking for things like water, music on, go to the loo, another blanket, etc. we try to be sure the vital things are taken care of but then they wake up again and same checklists. this happens until DH and/or I get really angry and shout in response to the whingeing. it seems to be getting more frequent and we don't know what to do.

we've tried sticker charts, have a bunny clock but nothing seems to be working. It's a shame since both older ones slept very well as babies. I can only be grateful that our 3rd baby is sleeping well through the night as I couldn't handle 3 crying children with sleeping probs.

will watch this thread with interest. good luck to you.

No real advice, just to say in same boat and pondering what to do about it... 3 rd child (so christ knows why I haven't worked out how to do this properly yet) 2.5, waking very night endlessly. Have all been bad sleepers in turn, though DS3 was a brilliant baby so this waking is really getting to me. eldest DS was the worse, so if it is any consolation he (now 9) sleeps brilliantly and like a log, has done since 4. Also have relay team, just when one eats/ sleeps/ behaves/ etc etc another one will pick up the baton and decide to kick off/ not eat/ etc etc!! Maybe this is just kids, and we all have unrealistic expectations. Bloody knackered though, am considering farming out DS2 (who is a light sleeper) to a friend for a couple of nights and letting the little terror No3 cry it out. I KNOW lots of people don't approve, but I am being so vile to everyone through exhaustion I truly think it is the only option. Going in and reassuring is just a game to him, I can manage to do it 10 times in an hour, and he just finds new things to shout for.