New baby due, 18 month old only wants Mummy...help

[kpickles]

Hi everyone, I am quite new and have a few things to post, so when you see me popping up it's becuase I am in panic mode!!!

I have an 18mo litle boy, Elliott. He is a definite Mummy's boy.

He goes to nursery and is happy therre, is sometimes teerful and has just started crying when we leave him...why now?? Age related??

He goes to Grandma and Grandad's sometimes, he loves it and is really happy to do it...so he is not totally clingy.

If I am around it has to be me, I can leave the room, and tell him where I am going etc and he is getting good at understanding this, although does prefer to be with me, which is lovely doing stuff together etc...BUT...I do want him to start to be Ok with me being upstairs and him being downstairs with Daddy for example. At the moment, if I leave him downstairs with Daddy he just stands at the bottom yelling for me. With another baby due in March I am worrying about things like how I will breastfeed, change baby etc etc without him being totally upset by it. He is very good with fetching and carrying and helping, and we have been talking lots about the new baby and sorting clothes etc....

He still wants me to pick him up alot, and wont really walk far yet, so I am worrying about how I managed two of them.If he refuses to walk and i have baby etc etc....help!

Maybe just worrying about nothing....

Love Kirstie

Kirstie,

Congratulations first of all! You sound just like me! I have a 22-month-old and a six-week-old baby and a lot of what you are saying sounded similar to what we went through and going through now... My DS1 has always been independent but definitely a mummy's boy. I think at your DS's age, he definitely doesn't quite understand the implication of having a brother/sister. We talked to DS1 a lot about baby but I don't think he really understood a baby was going to come out of mummy's tummy and it will be here to stay! How many days does he go to nursery? Do you intend to keep him there when you have the new baby? My DS was going 4 full days a week and we dropped to 3 days when I went on maternity leave and I somehow regretted that as I wished we had kept him to his known routine and it's a real struggle in the early days with two. Don't get lulled into a false sense of security in the first month as it's really easy when the baby sleeps a lot in the first few weeks, I really hit a wall a few days ago!

My DS1 doesn't walk very far by myself either so I do drive to most places with them both, DS1 is a bit of a bolter as well so I don't take any chances. If we go out as a family, my DH tends to carry DS1 quite a bit, depending on your most frequent mode of transport (walking or driving), I imagine you might want to invest in a sling or a buggyboard. Every child is different but I imagine your DS will probably start acting up a bit as well. My DS1 was fine in the first few weeks with the new baby but in the last week or so, I think he's realised baby's here to stay and taking mummy's attention and he's being really extra clingy and acting up big time. It's tough but you will find that you do what you can to survive. If you are home a lot, I would try to get as much help as possible. I've got a babysitter/mother's help coming to help me for a few hours on one day and on the other nursery-free day, my friend (with two kids) and I have a mutual agreement to spend it with one another so the kids can play together. It really takes the pressure off you having to pay attention to DS1 while trying to deal with DC2.

But there are moments that make it all worthwhile too, like when DS1 keeps giving DS2 cuddles and kisses and tries to feed him infacol by stuffing the whole bottle in his mouth! And when the baby is crying, DS1 goes off to look for milk for his baby brother. It's sweet.

Juts get as much support as you can in the early months, if your DS is happy to stay with his grandparents, get them to take him as much as you can. Everyone keeps telling me the first 3 months are the hardest and I definitely am finding it quite tough now. But you will get through it!

My DD1 is 19 months and my DD2 8 weeks. As angel said the first few weeks are ok (assuming the baby is ok and sleeps lots). I made sure to give DD1 lots of attention in that time and include the baby in our chat as an incidental part of our life now. I am finding that the small age gap for us has meant that she has just accepted the baby.

However, she has got a lot more clingy at certain times, particularly when she is tired. I just try to give her cuddles when I can and chat to her when I can't. She is strangely fine about me feeding and happy to sit beside me and chat or hang onto my knee.

It is hard work, but not as bad as i thought it would be. The hardest thing is when DD1 takes her tiredness out on the baby, but I have to remember that it is just tired frustration and not get too wound up.

good luck x

thanks guys, really helpful....i rekcon i'll just hae to go with the flow annd see what happens instead of getting wound up in advance!

xx

Good luck! kpickles - There will be days where you think I can't do this anymore but there will also be days when your toddler is perfectly behaved and you think 'this is easy!' It is easier because you are doing this the second time so you are more relaxed but harder in that there is just no rest for you with two. Take care.