HELP! Urgently need new coping strategy to deal with ds (just 2)

[claireybaubles]

What I'm doing obviously isn't working.

He climbs, he throws things, he deliberately tries to break things. All normal toddler behaviour except with him it is constant.

Today (admittedly an exceptional day) he has:
Dragged chair over to worktop, used it to climb onto worktop and take medicines out of top cupboard.
Dragged chair over to worktop and thrown fruitbowl onto floor
Climbed onto worktop and got a sharp knife from top cupboard
Pulled ironing board off back of door on top of him
Climbed from toilet seat to cistern to bathroom windowsill
Turned on toaster and put his fingers inside.

In the past week he has also climbed up garden fence, turned gas on three times, put jar of pennies in microwave and turned it on and pulled the Christmas tree over.

Reading that back makes it sound as though I am a really negligent mother but honestly, I don't leave him unattended or to his own devices -he is with me all the time. All the above have happened when I've been doing something else for a minute eg hanging up washing, making lunch, on the phone, on the loo etc. I'm often even in the same room as him when he does this stuff but all it takes is for me not to be actively watching for a second and he's up to mischief. I've got to him a second after he does whatever it is (eg hear him moving chair so race down from loo)which is why he hasn't yet suceeded in killing himself but I am terrified of what is going to happen. He wakes at 5 or 6 and is on the go non stop until 8 or 9 pm apart from sometimes he will have a 30 minute nap (which then makes bedtime more like 9.30-10pm).

I am exhausted and feel as though I am constantly saying ds no, ds get down, ds don't touch, ds no throwing, ds leave that chair where it is...

Help!

Are you spending all your time with him? Sounds like he feels he has an absolute right to your attention and knows how to get it if you're so disloyal as to need the loo. Also, do you have any form of sanction regime if he does something appalling? It's hard to do to start with, but the 'time out' in a safe room with the door shut for 1-2 minutes might be a good way to start teaching him that there are limits? My kids are older now (9 and 6), and have done some truly dreadful things in their time so I do sympathise. Have learned through bitter experience to harden heart a bit and apply 'tough love' in order to teach them that they can't reasonably expect to get away with this sort of stuff.
Hope this helps in some way - be strong! As Roseanne Barr said, "if I get through to 5pm and the kids are still alive then I think I must be doing an OK job"

Would it be worth having stairgates/room partitions so that there is some safe spaces/ (perhaps you have already got them) My two are 22 months and would easily be doing all of this due to their natural curiosity but we have lots of 'safe zones' in the house, so I can leave them playing 'safely' in the living room while I nip upstairs to the loo or to get the washing etc. We do let them go in the other parts of the house too, but only when we are there too.

Thanks for your responses.

I suppose he is with me pretty much all of the time although I do also have dd (3.5) so he is used to not having my attention soley on him.

What you say makes sense though, I swear he must make a mad dash for danger as soon as I turn my back!

I usually say no and remove him from situation, same when he does it again. Third time he gets sat in hallway for a minute or two. His speech is very good for his age and he does understand what it is he has done (earlier today he came back in and said sorry for climbing on the chair without being prompted)but then he still goes back and does it again.

I do have a stairgate between sitting room and kitchen but he climbs over it or if he doesn't fancy the hurdles that day he will instead pull all the books off the bookshelf and start tearing them or climb up onto the mantlepiece or pull all the wires out of the tv and chew them....

The only 'safe place' I can think of for ds right now would be a padded room with no furniture and no window. Actually that sounds quite peaceful and appealing to me

Should also say he is better when dd is here and will play quite nicely with her. Also at toddler groups he will quite happily go off and play.

oh I feel your pain. The only way we have solved this with our 23 month old DS is to have created a safe space with limited access to climbing accessories, TV, ornaments of any kind etc etc It was partly to stop the all too frequent nos, stop doings etc We used a couple of those Lindam gate things to partition off dangerous areas.
At 34 weeks pregnant I am a frequent visitor to the toilet and we have created a safe space where he can be left for the odd minute with little opportunity to create havoc. Like many toddlers he likes to accompany me to the toilet most of the time (why, why , why!) which whilst it takes twice as long to get there it does at least mean that I can keep an eye on him.

Clairy sounds hard.

Do you think he may just be adjusting to all the recent upheaval? Just coping in his own way?

You are doing an amazing job but kids are sensitive and will play up when you least need it. I'm sure it will settle down soon enough once he is settled big hugs to you xx

Alice it could well be, and I suppose new worksurfaces, cupboards and windowsills are bound to be extra appealing for a while!

He was like it before tbh but it was easier then because we had a playroom where he could play freely without danger and then his bedroom was completely safe and I had a gate on there to shut him in for calming down time. Now he shares with dd and they also have their toys in there

Just an idea, but could you enrol him in a highly active class?

I take my DS (who sounds rather like yours!!) to a place called the little gym... It is a very intensive class and he is basically allowed to do anything - even here, he's frightened me... If I so much take my eyes off him for a second, he's climbing along the beam.. BUT... he has also fallen off the beam onto a padded surface and he's understanding the concept of danger / that he WILL fall.

And it's very nice to have an hour or so when the only word I have to utter is YES (instead of constantly wailing NOOOOOoooooo!)

Just an idea?

would cupboard locks help?

my neighbours son is very like this . He is lovely but such a monkey. He is getting much better now at 3.5 but he was VERY hard work at this age. Naturally inquistive and also very bright.(think of the positives!).

Don't want to scare you but once he stuck a knife in the toaster and shorted the whole house. that was pretty dangerous!

locks on the drawers and cupboards would limit his access (at least temporarily - he'll work them out soon enough).

My ds is not as high maintenance as this but did go through a phase of climbing onto the breakfast bar and into the sink and then sort of swinging off. It is hard work.

Hari he is getting tumbletots classes for xmas, only once a week but hopefully it will help

Molly I have two sets of locks on bottom cupboards but not on top ones because the only way they would fit meant I'd have to stand on a chair everytime I wanted to open a cupboard(plus I figured he couldn't get to those). I may have to anyway though but seeing me standing on chairs might just encourage him! Also doesn't solve the problem of gas/microwave/toaster...

Clairey - I was just going to say exactly what Alice has.

I find with DS who is 17 months that he is always manic in a new environment or with new things. Once he's done his exploring then he calms down to some extent.

I think you need a playpen or some more gates or something - does he still sleep in a cot? If DS is being a nightmare I sometimes bung him in his cot while I go to the loo and make a cup of tea because I know he'll be safe in there.

Big hugs, you are doing so well and I'm sure he'll come right.

Nothing to add really Clairey. Agree that the change of environment will probably have affected him.
DS was manic when we first moved, but he has calmed down a lot now he's explored everywhere.

I think distraction is the major skill required in dealing with toddlers. I try and leave the TV off til DS is getting underfoot, have some toys that I switch out frequently in the bathroom for when I shower etc.

Best of luck.