"Force" feeding issues at 15 mo

[titferbrains]

My dd has various issues with eating, the worst prob is spitting food out instead of swallowing when she's finished chewing. She doesn't like carbs - but is slowly starting to try them.

I struggle with her at most meals and often find myself "forcing" food into her mouth in order to to "get her going" - often she'll appear not to want to eat but if you put the food on her mouth so she can lick her lips, she'll start to eat. She has always hated potato but today I gave her very milky mash and she ate a few mouthfuls before getting upset and deciding she didn't want any more. I then offered her meat which she ate a bit of, and then when I tried to offer more potato she pushed it away. But when I pushed some into her mouth, she chewed/ate for quite a while and certainly didn't spit it out. I did this for a few more mouthfuls and then gave up. I really worry about her not getting full enough so it would be much better if she ate a little bit of carbs and got used to the texture. Am I doing completely the wrong thing by " force" feeding her?

Tfb. I just make a a batch of chicken & freeze it. I just defrost what I need so there is not much waste. Also cooked chicken not eaten will keep for a bit in the fridge & is good as a snack. DS does the chewing & spitting out trick as well. I break food into small pieces & keep letting him pick it up. Its goes down eventually!

Comeoverallfunny
Thats lovely to hear about your DD. Being chilled is my policy (!) at the moment. To be honest my DS does try most things when we eat with him - just very small amounts!

normal food intake is 1 tablespoon per potion per yr of age so its 3 tablespoons for 1 yr old it doesn't look much but it is enough

i use dto be very anxious about my ds portion intake and used to find meal times very anxious but soon learnt to relax when i realised he was in fact eating what he was supposed to

i would give him one spoon and i would have the other and i would add i extra tbs of food to account for any spitting etc my ds was soon relaxed too at meal times and now eats anything and everything he is 4

Wow bubblagirl, really? So 3 tablespoons is loads for a 19 month old then? You've made my day!

Have you seen this thread? It's about a 9 month old who doesn't eat much, but it has a lot of good food ideas too.

GRR she ate practically nothing at lunch, wouldn't be fed and I couldn't be arsed with cooking more veg that she may or may not pick at so lunch ended with me very annoyed indeed.

I am rubbish at keeping my cool.

I have so much bloody shopping still to do, have a rotten cold and it's the coldest day ever here. And I know the moment I walk out the door she'll start whinging for food. I cannot bear today.

yes i was so relieved to find this out its adequate food i still use that rule now and his 4 so i know his had enough i do 4 tbs of each portion now

when he was younger he was quite fussy went through stages of only eating bread and butter or one meal every day

i tried new foods at lunch times and fed what i knew he would eat at dinner times so i know he is well fed before dinner and if any new foods reacted or gave him belly ache he didnt have to sleep with it and i would feed 2 yoghurt if hadn't eaten so well

by the time ds was 2 his feeding habits were more or less normal although even now if under the weather he will only eat bread and butter for dinner

also i found his gums were alot to do with him not eating so would bonjela him before every meal 10 mins or so before as found if his gums were tender he wouldn't eat anything at all

you need such small portions of each thing by cooking only 1 floret of broccoli etc saves on waste i found my ds loved broccoli in with mash same as carrots etc but again tried all these things at lunch times if really didnt like i would leave and give again few weeks later and meals would be the same as i knew he would eat it until he became more accepting of new foods then i would give at dinner times

i found egg and soldiers a winner most dinner times or i would do dinner lunch times and toast and something dinner time as when ds was tired he was less interested in eating

just remembered something else i would make small bowl for me and let ds feed me then i would say your turn and id feed him this worked really well too it made food fun

just remember to look like your reeeaallly enjoying it

anyone there I've just lost my temper completely at my dd. Am jsut so tired of feeding her . heated up a slice of quiche after giving her peas and tomatoes (her faves) and she wouldn't eat it and just sat whinging so I screamed at her and had to leave the room. I just get so angry that she won't eat and won't be spoon fed and will cry because she's hungry.

I just get so cross when she is whining instead of trying to eat. It drives me nuts and I don't know how to not get cross.

Hi Titfer, Its ok you are not the only one.

Everybody loses it sometimes. EVERYBODY!

I read a thread on here once where someone said if you're feeling stressed and liable to snap, then imagine you are being followed round by a camera crew. I do this sometimes and I find it helps me to look on the situation from the outside rather than in the middle.

Have you tried singing?

Its very hard to be stressed or cross when you are singing. Its quite a good moodchanger for the dc too when I suddenly break into silly songs.

When dd1 was being pesky about eating we discovered if the tv was on she would be distracted by the tv so therefore happily sit for longer in the highchair and nibble, sometimes I could even sneak in the od spoonful while she was distracted.

As she got older we also had a cd player with some of her favourite songs on, while she was eating we would let it play but if she stopped we would turn it off and only put it back on if she ate a spoonful.

Can I ask a question tho are you or your dp of a small build? I know several people who have children who the hv's etc consider to be small on the charts etc, but as one sane hv said sparrows don't birth elephants.

I don't know if any of this helps but I hope you are feeling a bit more chilled.

Oh no, titferbrains! Poor you, you must feel bad. Do you know why you get so cross? Is it the worry? I know you already know this, but you need to lick this one, you'll make it worse by getting cross - I wouldn't like someone screaming at me if I didn't want to eat! You really have to appear not to give a shit whether she eats or not, hard as it may be and make no comment whatsoever on what she has or hasn't eaten. Just try to remember it's really important not to lose your cool or she'll end up with food issues, breathe deeply, bite your tongue, count to ten, or go into another room and scream into a towel. I know it's hard! But tomorrow's a new day...

Kitkat thanks so much for posting. Singing is a good one - I used to do it when she was (DD, DD , why are you crying now to the tune of Daisy DAisy...).

I have calmed down and am feeling guilty and sad. Told DH.

The worst bit is when I came back in and she could see me she stopped crying and after a bit, she waved at me. She is the nicest child, she doesn't deserve to have me shouting at her.

Yes we are both small (well I used to be) and she is never going to be massive. She was ill with cancer earlier this year and her eating has been messed up ever since. She is fully recovered but she was on ellas purees and milk for a while with the odd bit of finger food and I think she just doesn't ever really fill herself up with savoury food, she fills up on the super smooth stuff like yogurt or custard.

I have to say we did have a small win today - she ate some bread and swallowed it which is a big step for us. She normally spits everything out. So I'm going to become the baguette lady now! So maybe she got a bit full with the bread and couldn't eat much for her tea.

at my rational perspective after the red mist...

I get hacked off with the effort that meals require vs the outcome - huge mess and a hungry, whinging daughter who is waiting for me to give her yogurt, tomatoes peas or custard.

I am not that fussed about what I have for lunch but I have to make an effort to make sure that her meals contain plenty of fat, iron etc. because she's little and doesn't eat much.

Also have been trying extra energy powder which dietician recommended and she hasn't really gone for anything with it in. All just very irritating.

I have a dreadful cold which isn't helping, quite frankly it's flu and if I was working I'd have called in sick but as I'm a mum, DH basically says I have to suck it up (but says it nicely) and it SUCKS being ill and having to worry about someone else too.

Have not read all the thread (really sorry and rude too), but my DT2 ate plain pasta, raisins and fromage frais for approx 3 months. His brother ate anything except potato.
We had these as our staples (always offering what DT1 had too) and had a break through with crumpets and pasta with philadelphia cheese mixed in. From then on we have been able to swap the cheese or pasta, so, new pots with philly or pasta with philly and brocolli. It is so flaming hard, especially when his other half was thriving and he had chronic constipation and was not putting on any weight, but you really have to do baby steps. Let them go hungry and dont give in to deserts. Peanut butter is full of fat if no allergies. Try macaroni cheese perhaps? Sloppy but savory. Good luck.

Aw, titferbrains, sending you a very un-mn Sorry to hear your dd was ill, can't imagine how worrying that must have been. Glad she's fully recovered. Don't feel bad, and it is soo stressful and tiring having to be responsible for a little person's nutrition day in day out! Hope you're feeling better soon, and try not to stress. x

titfer, 1stly i'm sorry to hear that your dd has been so ill. In a way until you see her putting on weight and thriving I think you are going to remain stressed. I think you very much ned to see her "well". But please remember that if you and your dh aren't massive then she generally won't be either.

I don't know if this would help you or not, but a long time ago a friend of mine's dd was classed as ftt and she was given a list of how many calories she should get into her each day, but also an aim for protien, carbs and fat, anyway, just recently I decided I needed to do something about the baby weight and I was reccommended to try weightlossresources.co.uk, a friend of mine is using the same site to gain weight. You log in the food you are eating and it breaks down your calories, carbs fat etc. I don't know if using the site might help you to get a handle on your dd's calories in iyswim? Don't beat yourself up!Hope you are feeling better ...

tit, it really sounds like your dd has some issues with food texture. Ds1 is like that. He was almost 2 before he would eat anything that wasn't smooth. It was maddening but I didn't want to turn mealtime into a battle or give him some kind of food-control issue. I just kept offering a small amount and also letting him eat the puree type stuff that he would eat. The time that she was ill and on this type of food may have enhanced this somewhat.

Don't worry about losing it, children ar eover it quickly (as you havefound out) and we're all only human.

I do think, despite what others have said, that your daughter has simply found foods she like sbest and wants/prefers to eat them, and knows full well that if she plays/messes about/spits out her food, not only will she get a reaction from you, but she will get to eat what she really wants. CHildren are suprisingly clever and manipulative (I don't mean this as an insult to them!) from an early age.

It seems like a battle of wills at the moment. You are trying to get her to eat what you want her to, and she is trying to hold out for 'nicer' foods, and knows if she refuses food enough times, she'll get it.

I really think the key here is to tryand relax, although I appreciate that sifar easier said than done.

thanks for support.

She does have issues with texture BUT there are a lot of textured foods that she will eat eg. sausages, meatballs, whole cherry tomatoes, baked beans etc. so there are things she's happy to chew. She seems to dislike things like cake, pancakes, scrambled eggs - things that break up in her hand.

I stayed pretty relaxed this morning and I think I'm going to take her out for lunch because I find this much less stressful.

Hope I'll have a better day.

Hey titfer, just posted on the other thread you had with some ideas as well.
Best wishes to you, hope you have a better day.