ASD and ADHD diagnoses in my 6 year old son - bit of a bombshell.

[coldtits]

It's been recommended that his freshly diagnosed (today) ADHD be managed with Ritilin. Anyone got any experiences with a child this young and Ritilin?

He's been referred to an occupational therapist, speech therapist, various support groups ...

But nothing about him has changed. Where has all this support come from? It feels like interference - I'm so used to doing everything alone now. He's no different to the way he was a few months ago - why was it all on my shoulders then?

I'm babbling. I feel like someone just shovelled a huge pile of manure onto my son's face. I feel mortally offended by every word in the 16 page report, yet every word is true. I feel like walking through the streets hitting people for having normalcy and wasting it.

He's a clever little boy, his educational level is above average - how will that help him if he's never going to have gopod friends, go to parties and get fucking laid? You can have a life without an education - you cannot use your education if you are incapable of living a life.

All bets are off. I don't know where I'm going to be in 20 years - I had visions of 2 men in their 20's, with ds1 watching over Ds2 - is it going to have to be the other way round? Is that even going to be feasable?

Anfd oh the guilt. The times I have shouted at him for the rudeness of not looking at me while I talk to him, for constantly spilling drinks, for not calming down, for not getting dressed when he knows we have to leave the house nownownow. I don't even know what an appropriate level of discipline is for a child like ds1 now. I don't know how much and what to expect.

Soory I got diagnoses at 10.30 and my mind feels wounded. I feel wounded.

OMG should I even tell him?

I'm sorry.

You're still in shock. I couldn't even say the word 'autism' for ages when my son was diagnosed.

Try to look at the referrals as a source of help rather than interference.

It does get easier. It honestly does...

I can't stop crying. I've been crying since I walked out of the hospital this morning. I have to pick ds1 up in 45 minutes - I feel like taking the report with me and swatting the receptionist with it "YOu wonder why we're often late? It's a miracle we're ever on time!!!"

I don't want to face all my worried friends in the playground. It's nice that I have worried friends, I just don't want to go through it all.

I don't want to tell my dad, he won't accept it. I don't want to tell Ds1's dad because he won't know how to react.

I want my mum. I want her to sweep in and make it all go away. And I am Mummy now. That's my job.

Hi

ds1 was diagnosed with Tourette's at 4 and had ASD, anxiety disorder and ADHD traits added at 6

where you are now is the worst place to be - I remember when we got the first diagnosis and even though we'd known something was up for a long time (ever since ds1 was born really) it was a physical shock

you do get used to it though, and muddle your way through and find ways of dealing with things

as far as discipline goes, I tell ds1 that his difficulties are a 'reason' for his behaviour, they are most definitely NOT an excuse, and that unfortunately he just has to try harder than most people - he is very bright, very attractive and doesn't look at all like he has any kind of special needs - and so some of his behaviour really takes people aback

he's now 12 (nearly 13) and is finally developing some self-control, and although we still have several 'moments' on the whole things are getting easier - he's actually been a model pupil for the last few weeks which has taken everyone (pleasantly) by surprise!

He's been on medication since he was 6 -not ritalin because of his tics, but clonidine which also helps with the adhd type behaviours and alhtough we agonised about starting the medication it helped enormously and without it I'm not sure we would have coped. DS has now decided he wants to try without it, so his psychiatrist is supporting him with a phased withdrawal - ds is being very mature about the whole thing

try not to worry about his future - sometimes we get ourselves in a tizz about what ds will be like when he's grown up and whether or not he'll ever lead an independent life - you can't predict what they're going to be like - I know several men who I"m pretty sure are either ASD or borderline ASD (who maybe would have been diagnosed these days) and for the most part they're fine - some have relationships, but some don't and the ones that don't, don't seem to want them, so just because your ds may end up having a different sort of life than the one you envisaged doesn't mean that his life will be inferior

just be nice to yourself right now - can you go out for a drink with a good friend, treat yourself to a massage/haircut whatever will make you feel pampered and that will help you come to terms with it

he's still the same boy as he was before the diagnosis - that hasn't changed

i just can't seem to get my head round it. The stupid thing is, I was expecting something like this.

Coldtits, it was the same for me. I approached HV and doc, In fact I told them I thought it was autism. I was pushing for dx because I knew that was the only way ds would get the help he needed.

But when the dx actually came I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. I clearly remember feeling like crawling into bed and not wanting to come out again

It does get easier. It's almost like the grieving process. People deal with it in different ways. I threw myself into research and therapies for ds. Others do other things.

Wishing you all the best.

Don't worry about how you should be feeling or what you should be doing. It is always a shock. My sons diagnosis was "of course he has autism!" but I was still shocked. This stuff happens to other people, not ordinary old me. Happens to people who are earth mothers and patient and calm .
Pah.

Try and remember two things. The first, as you said, your boy is exactly the same child you have loved these last six years.
And you simply cannot make assumptions about where he will be, how his life will play out.

The spectrum is huge and surprising. Ds2 has very severe autism but his version includes great eye contact and a sense of humour. You just cannot assume your child will be a friendless adult.

You need to grieve and let go of the picture you had in your head of how life would pan out. It feels fucking unfair for a while. But please know that most of us were exactly where you are, we all loved our children as you do. And it really really does get better.

Nip to SN. We are nice over there

I am so sorry-I know how you feel BUT a very wise person once said to me...its like you are on a plane to Paris & the pilot suddenly tells you you arent going to Paris anymore, you are going to Milan. Now you like Milan but you were all set to go to Paris so it just takes a bit of time to get used to the idea that your journey has changed & you need to learn Italian not French.
Your journey with your lovely little boy may be a different one to what you had expected but it can still be really good fun In fact looking back with my DS (dyspraxia and possible Aspergers) I am now really glad we are off to "Milan"...normal bog standard "Paris" is just SO boring...
Just give yourself some time...