What do you withdraw, or how do you discipline, when your 8yo misbehaves?

[Cadelaide]

I just don't seem to be getting it right.

DD is unmanageable at the moment.Overtired, over-excited, lots of screaming and extreme rudeness. Often it's when I tell her it's time to stop watching tv. I turn it off, she turns it on, I pull out the aerial (or similar), she plugs it back in again, in order to avoid a futile tussle I say "if you don't stop watching tv I'll...blahblah". So far she's had her Christmas lights removed from her bedroom for the entire duration, and she's lost all of her turns at the "message" advent calendar.

It saddens me. I know she loves all that stuff, but she's screamed at me that my advent calendar "..is crap anyway".

Pleeease help me to help my girl enjoy her Christmas.

how old is she?

sorry - just spotted she's 8

I find that tiredness is always a major factor of poor behaviour. Work on making sure she has enough sleep first. If you can catch her at a calm moment, maybe have a chat with her about her behaviour, why she's behaving the way she is and the impact it has on everyone.

Re the tv, have you tried telling her at the start what time it will be turned off and setting a timer to give a 5 or 10 mins warning, so she knows what's going to happen?

Not sure if any of this will help, but good luck!

Thanks max. Yes, she does need sleep, but getting her up to bed is a real trial atm, that's what kicked off the screaming tonight.

I've given her plenty of warning about switching off the tv. I dunno, I just seem to irritate her so much. I can't do anything right.

Gosh, how whingy i sounded!

I just feel sad about it.

I'm sorry I have no strategies to suggest. I know exactly what you're going through.

That helps purpleturtle, just to know it's normal.

My 8yo is a bit keen on Tv, more than her sisters. What we do is remove the TV for a week, totally, if there are arguments about watching it or turning it off. This is quite effective, and the odd thing is that the dds almost seem to like the occasional removal of the TV and even brag about this to their friends. We only have to actually do it once or twice a year.

I've been there Cadelaide... not so much from Ds2 who is 8 now, but from Ds1 when he was about 9...so much sympathy and the promise it will pass...
The trick is to not let it bother or upset you (hard I know) just tell yourself, she's tired, and take a big breath.
Don't try and reason when they're knackered and crazy.
it doesn't work at all.
I followed the same pattern over and over again and eventually it sank in... in a very calm voice, almost dismissive, give a 5 second countdown.. then warn they will go to the room for a rest. I tried the removing computers/tv/treats but it just ended up with ds1 having nothing which ultimately meant life was harder for me.
So Ds1 went to his room, he could only rest or read. He usually fell asleep.

My DS is 7 and often a real handful. When he doesn't get his own way, he tells me that I'm selfish!

I find the best way to deal with him is to send him to his room. That way, he gets out of my way without getting a smack. I usually send him for 5 minutes, but if he answers me back, I make it 10 minutes, then 15 and keep going until he learns to keep quiet!

In the past, I have had to confiscate his DS, he has been grouned for 1 week at a time, pocket money was stopped, no TV, not allowed to visit his cousins house.
Basically, I try different punishments until I find one that really bothers him. That way, I know which one to do straight away when he plays up.

I'd just come on here to look for tips re same problem with DS2 who's 5 and saw this post. Glad to know it's pretty common. I know exactly what you mean Caselaide!

I like the bedroom tip and adding minutes for answering back, thanks Kid.

I did resort to putting DS2 to bed half an hour earlier than usual this evening (after an hour of various incidents) and made a big fuss of DS1 staying up (they normally go to bed together as close in age). That did seem to hit home with him actually.

DS2 can be a bit of a handful at times, but I think the run up to Xmas is pretty overstimulating for them, so makes it worse.

Personaly, I would give one warning, explaining that if she wants the television in her room she has to turn it off when you say, and if not you'll remove it and she won't be allowed it for a set period of time. Then, if she persists, remove it.

Kids that age do try it on, but they also have to learn their acionshave consequences and that adults are 'in charge' and will not be 'tussled' with.

I'd second the thing of giving plenty of notice what time you want her to stop watching tv/doing whatever it is, and then setting a timer 10 minutes before the end.

My dd is 7, so a bit younger, but she really doesn't have any good sense of time still, especially if she's absorbed in an activity.

I'm having similar problems with my dd who is 8. I have lost count the times she has told me she hates me over the last couple of weeks. Even though I act as if it just washes over me I do feel a bit sad about it.
I have noticed a pattern with my DD and her behaviour. It seems to detoriate towards the end of term and it is always so much worse in the run up to Christmas. It just all seems too much for her. I'm hoping now that school has finished she can try and chill out.
I did have a chat with her yesterday and things did improve for ooh about 5 mins! Usually being sent up to her room away from everybody else - she hates to think she might be missing out on something! - lets her calm down.
I know what you mean when you say that you just want to help her enjoy Christmas. My DD was so angry she refused to help decorate the tree and just sat in her bedroom on her own.
It was good to read your post - I'm not the only one!!