Can I opt out of kids parties for ever?? or how to vaguely look in control in public??? Bit long sorry!

[fordywastaylor]

Yesterday me, DH and DS (2.7) were at a 3yr old's party. Mostly girls but not a problem as DS knew most from nursery..little angels quite literally! Then in came us...where my DS gets his confidence is a mystery, he was up there grooving his stuff, charging about using the balloons as weapons etc etc. It all got out of hand during the candle blowing and my DS felt the need to bully his way to the front - tears from the birthday girl at not blowing out her candles... and so on. Me and DH just watched in amazement at his antics, and were quite surprised, almost as though he has been let out of a cage and was just on one! This went on for a while, him and us under the tables and dragging him out of some scrape or another - to me I just wonder if we looked like a couple of numpties just not managing a situation that well. I did try a minutes time out in the corridor, but no real impact. In then end we left a little early I had had enough and didn't want to cope with whatever pass the parcel would bring. The long and short is....How do I cope in public with a disruptive boy who is totally strong willed and quite happy to tell both his parents to go away! Am I wimping out/being unfair cos I feel like never going to a party again till at least till the age of 5, is it ok to opt out? Why do I feel useless in public??

As others have said - he's really little - far too little to be making assumptions about future character. And it's nothing to do with gender either. I've got 2 boys and one was a shover and a bit wild when excited , the other was completely not like that. Sorry is neither here nor there at this age, and I agree with KTNoo.

If he gets really excited at these sorts of event, by all means (to answer your OP) avoid them for a while. Of course you feel useless in public - toddlers are REALLY embarrassing at times. But don't let that embarrassment make you ineffectual. If you believe you are in charge, you will give an air of being in charge.

I know it's really tempting when they are this age, but try not to take everything to heart. It will pass, and pass quicker if you stay calm, do not worry about permanent character flaws, and remain consistent in your approach.

My ds now aged 5 years was / is very similar. I had to remove him from countless social situations at the age of 3 because I felt his behaviour was too unruly and boisterous. I have learned over the years that I am always far more aware of what, I feel, is unacceptable behaviour than anybody else around me. Yes, other mums know that I have a lively child but they also appreciate that I try to manage his exuberance. I too often marvel at his confidence in social situations. Life is much easier now he is 5 years old, he understands consequences, knows I will follow through with my actions and I just don't feel so unsure about my own parenting skills.

Yes, ski- people do not judge if you are seen to be trying.

My 6 year old is a delight in social situations now. Between 2 and 2 and a half, I feared I was raising a thug.

He is way too little to worry seriously, it's normal two year old behaviour. You did the right thing removing him, continue to do it

My gosh, he is so young! And sounds very like my little one. I just think think they get over excited. It's not really naughty just can't control their excitement. When my LO gets like this - I try to take him away for a little while to try to calm him down. If that does not work I would then end up taking him home early.

He's only tiny. I think at that age it's not at all unreasonable for him to get very over-excited and be unable to manage his own behaviour. In a year's time, if he still can't cope, he will have a much greater capacity to understand 'if....then...' and your life will consequently be MUCH easier. DD (3.2) is not given to wildness or boisterousness but she is very much the kind of child who will announce 'I don't like that boy AT ALL' etc.

Embarrassing behaviour is all part of being a parent, I think. DD now has a very clear grasp on 'if you say rude things, we will have to go home because it is not nice to say rude things to other boys and girls'. Still working on the 'I don't LIKE that man, make him stop looking at me' in Sainsburys, though...

bump

I wanted to say thanks for all the advice and stories! We came away from the party with a bit more than a party bag...DS got swine flu so this last week has been hard for all of us, thankfully he is now on the mend and looking forward to "Farmer Christmas" coming. Seems like I was right to come away, and may have more scenes like this is the future. Whatever I do I need to be consistent and carry out my threats/promises...Its a tiring time at the moment, I feel I am always saying no no no, and not much good boy, that was clever etc. I suppose its his age and things will get better...fingers crossed! x