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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Does my 2.5 year old DS need to see a behavioural psychologist? Sorry long

15 replies

santasballs · 14/12/2009 14:17

My judgment is so clouded, I would really appreciate some imput from experienced mumsnetters! His behaviour has always been very difficult, from about 4 months old. He does an awful lot of crying(probably cries up to 12 times a day for various reasons, varying from teeth hurting - fair enough - to Daddy looking at him while he's eating breakfast - ridiculous). He cannot cope with any kind of change of circumstances, so every phase of the day coincides with more crying - when he wakes up, getting dressed, taking brother to school etc. I know a lot of his behaviour is normal 2 year old stuff, but he just seems so miserable all the time - his default state seems to be crying, with the odd period of smiles thrown in. I am constantly walking on eggshells wondering if he's going to start crying. Should I take him to a behavioural psychologist, or am I just ov er-reacting? His behavious has got to the point where it's affecting the rest of the family - I'm often in tears over it. Sorry for rambling

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Openbook · 14/12/2009 16:25

It might help you - I would not discourage you from getting advice. He is very young though and this may well pass even though it seems to be going on for ever now. Keep your chin up!

Minxie1977 · 14/12/2009 16:45

Out of curiosity how do you respond when he cries? Is it always in the same way or does it change depending on why?

Also how long does the crying last for? Is it 12 times for a long time or just a little sob then back to normal?

Original poster

santasballs · 14/12/2009 18:38

how I respond varies as to how at the end of my tether I am. Most of the time I'm quite calm, but then sometimes I completely lose it and shout at him. The crying can last for anything from 1 minute to (at his worst) 40 minutes. What I'm worried about is that it seems to have been going on for about 18 months and shows no signs of stoppng. I'm worried about apserger's or something similar...

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sickofsocalledexperts · 14/12/2009 18:44

For aspergers or autism there would have to be other symptoms - for instance, any rigid or stereotypical movements (hand flapping, rocking), any delay in speech, any obsession with routine (eg always having the same blue mug), any lack of social gesture or interraction (eg no eye contact, no social gestures like waving or pointing to show you something he likes). Aspergers is autism, but with no speech delay and a normal IQ. Just the crying and wanting his own way could be terrible twos without all this other stuff, or some part thereof. My boy is autistic but at 2 he was doing loads of hand flapping, wasn't talking , was regularly and repetitively flooding the bathroom, wouldn't look at anyone, couldn't point or wave etc etc. Good luck, it is not easy with a 2 year old! Maximum mobility, minimum sense I always think!

Original poster

santasballs · 14/12/2009 20:22

Sickof he has none of the stereotypical movements you mention and his speech has always been incredibly advanced for his age, and he does engage socially (as long as he's not crying). But it's the fact that any slight change of circumstances seems to completely throw him, he obsesses over colours and things being in particular places etc. I would really like someone in the know to observe him, butI'm worried about labelling him at such a young age and also that I'll be labelled neurotic.

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wb · 14/12/2009 20:30

In that case I think you should go to your GP, list your worries, and ask for a referral. If it is found that he does have an underlying condition (such as some form of autism) having this 'label' will do nothing but help you access appropriate support for him. It wouldn't be a bad thing, honest.

Happyneverafter · 14/12/2009 20:30

Do you know what, probably every mum is "neurotic" to some degree and about different things. Trying behaviour is incredibly wearing. So I would go see someone but more to support you in managing your ds and coping with your worries. His behaviour sounds normal to me. The obsessiveness is something I have witnessed in most toddlers including my own. My dcs would get especially obsessive when I was pregnant and had the baby but were like that anyway. My ds1 especially seemed to hate change and had some really peculiar quirks but he grew out of them.

If you see someone they will absolutely not label your dc or let you, they will just be helpful and hopefully reassure you. What have you got to lose?

harecare · 14/12/2009 20:36

I remember being a child and know how upset I got about ANY slight change. It makes me laugh now to see my DD burst into tears when someone looks at her funny at dinner- I can clearly remember my Mum saying to my Dad "stop looking at her"- I don't laugh in her face obviously! I just empathise and say something like "don't worry my love, Daddy's not looking at you, isn't this pasta yummy".
In other words acknowledge why he's crying and distract. Sounds pretty normal to me.
Sometimes when my DD is crying for no reason I ask her if she can cry in the other room and come back when she feels better. She is 2 and a half now too and doesn't seem to nap anymore, but she does need it and it makes her cry.
If you know that it's little changes that make him cry can you explain to him what's about to change before it happens?

LadyBlaBlah · 14/12/2009 20:43

I don't think 12 episodes of crying a day is that horrific TBH. I would give it a bit of time personally and also perhaps try a few things because it does seem unusual that they are all around times when perhaps your attention is diverted elsewhere- so for eg. if you have to take his brother to school perhaps say, when we get back what would you like to do? etc etc.

(I am a psychologist - and will say there is no such thing in a clinical setting as a behavioural psychologist so if you do decide to go to see one, don't go to anyone who advertises themselves as a behavioural psychologist because they probably are not a psychologist of any kind !)

nanninurse · 14/12/2009 21:52

I think we are all a bit ott as mum's.
Tbh i would be tempted to say yes it sounds normal, but remember your reactions are the key here.

I think just looking at the obvious works too, how much sleep, whats the diet like, routines etc, over stimulation,,,

Original poster

santasballs · 15/12/2009 13:07

Thanks guys, this has all been really useful stuff. I think my reactions to him are key, but he just presses my buttons to the point where I just can't cope any more. I think a lot of his behaviour is at the extreme end of toddler behaviour, so I think I will ride it out for a bit longer to see if he starts to grow out of it, then if I'm still worried go and see someone. Ladyblahblah, thanks for the heads-up that there is no such thing as a behavioural psychologist - I must have made it up!

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foxinsocks · 15/12/2009 13:23

I would take him to the GP in case he has something like an ongoing ear problem which can make them incredibly miserable. Strange though it may seem, it's quite easy to miss some obvious physical conditions that can cause them great misery!

I see no harm in you seeing a child psychologist. If you think it is more about your reactions to the way he behaves, it can be really useful getting some tips and hints as to how to respond. You can go on your own and just give them examples of behaviour and they can help you assess how you respond and give you behaviour management tools.

We went to see one and I was very impressed. What it did for us was a) she came to conclusions that we would have got to in the end but she got to quicker iyswim and b) it gave us some very useful long term strategies to use. I only regret not doing it sooner tbh.

I would agree with everyone else that 2 is a difficult age but I could already tell by then that ds had issues and by 3 it was very obvious (it was similar things - crying a lot, resistant to change, extremely clingy). He was my second child and I knew lots of little children so I had a pretty good idea of the 'normal' range iyswim. I also wouldn't say 12 crying jags a day was that bad but if it worries you and it doesn't improve, then it's worth speaking to someone.

foxinsocks · 15/12/2009 13:25

(we also had nursery telling us they had concerns so it wasn't only me worrying about it iyswim!)

Original poster

santasballs · 15/12/2009 13:31

foxinsocks that's really interesting. Can I be really nosey and ask what issues DS ended up having - it sounds like he's really similar to my DS2. Also, I think that's exactly it - I just feel that there's something else going on with DS2 that's more than just normal toddler behaviour. I went to see the GP when he was 8 months and also at 18 months because he was so miserable, but they couldn't find anything obviously wrong with him so I just assumed it couldn't be anything physical. He does have real issues with pooing which could contribute to his misery...

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foxinsocks · 15/12/2009 13:55

Hi santa, don't mind talking about it at all but if you wouldn't mind starting another thread in chat then I'll respond. Don't like talking about the children on here with a permanent record (as the chat ones will expire eventually!)

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