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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Will people judge me for having a 5 year old in a push chair ?

50 replies

mummyloveslucy · 13/12/2009 19:29

Hi, my daughter will be 5 in march and is very tall for her age.
She also has some SEN's. I need to go christmas shopping in the city soon, but she hates shopping. She runs off in shops, and is generally a pain in the arse.
I was thinking of taking a push chair, if we can find one that still fits her. That way, she can relax and look at some books or have a sleep while I shop in peace. I did this a year ago and an old woman said to me "She's too big for a pushchair, no wonder children these days are lazy". I must admit, I feel that people do look at her funny, if she's in a push chair. She is in age 6-7 clothes, although she does have a baby face.
I think it wold be the easiest option, but don't want to feel judged.

OP posts:

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CristinaTheAstonishing · 13/12/2009 20:55

Don't worry what others think or say. In fact, everyone will be so busy to do their own shopping, I don't think they'll have much time to pass judgment aloud on someone else.

My DD1 (no SN) goes to Reception in a double bugyy. This is because DD2 would not be in the buggy by herself otherwise and would try and run etc after her. My Mum/Dad who do the school-run don't want to have to run after them. It didn't cross their minds that they are doing anything frowned upon. OTOH they are old enough not to care.

cece · 13/12/2009 21:50

There was a woman who carried her son all the time. He was in the same nursery and reception class as DS. I assumed he had something wrong with his legs. It is only now in Y1 that I have realised that she just liked to carry him! He is now too big and runs around like the rest of them!

NonnoMum · 13/12/2009 22:36

Don't worry about little old ladies - they can be loony- one once ran into my car as I was getting daughter out of car seat, and then ranted and raved at me - calling me a "miserable cow" etc etc. I was pg, DC was traumatised, I had to call the police in the end. And we were both parking up to go into church - how nice.
Would recommend Mountain Buggy for a larger child - and you can get them with extended footplate for SN children. You can buy them on internet fairly reasonable but don't get the fixed wheel for shopping.

lanismum · 13/12/2009 22:45

I also have a dd who will be 5 in march, no special needs, but is a massive pain in the arse after approx 4 mins of shopping! so if its going to be a long trip to lakeside/bluewater I take double mountain buggy, ds 6 months in one side, and dd 1 and dd 2 (2yrs) take it in turns to sit in the other side, I dont think anyone has ever stared at dd1, she is also very tall and looks more like 6 than 4, but then if I have all 3 of them with me in s shopping center I am usually too stressed to notice anyone staring would def go for a mountain buggy though, dd1 fits comfortably in ours (not adapted)

SleightiesChick · 13/12/2009 22:48

I see quite a few older-looking (5/6/upwards)kids in buggies by me these days and have assumed that it's due to SN. So I imagine you won't be the only one and also that others will guess what it's about rather than making remarks about kids these days being lazy etc.

Anyway, some people will always find a reason to remark on what you are doing wrong with your kids, whatever it is you are actually doing. I would just ignore any arsy remarks. People like that want you to engage, they hate being ignored.

luckyblackcat · 13/12/2009 22:50

hi mll, I have a maclaren major for ds. I chose this over a proper wheelchair as it looked more like a pushchair, now I wish I'd gone for the wheelchair as I think people just think it is an ordinary push chair and, yes, they do stare

He was just getting to the point where I hardly needed it, but sadly he had a bad fall last tues and fractured his skull and has 2 sub/extra dural bleeds (am emailing from kings in london) - so I will be teaching him to walk all over again

just use it if it makes life easier, i have been known to say loudlu 'I always though it was rude to stare...' soon stops em looking.

MollieO · 13/12/2009 22:53

I suppose you could take the pushchair for her to push and that will stop her running off! I gave up using a pushchair because ds preferred to push it rather than sit in it (and his steering was pretty suspect).

MollieO · 13/12/2009 22:57

luckyblackcat poor ds. I hope your ds gets well soon. I think you should start another thread as I'm sure that there are lots of people who will be concerned and want to know how you and your ds are.

lanismum · 13/12/2009 22:58

Ah just read the whole thread, I guess people have judged, still dont care, I dont think they would think my dd1 has special needs, just a moaning irritable little girl that hates shopping, they def wouldnt think she had any physical problem as sometimes she is in the seat, sometimes the handlebar, sometimes the footplate.......I push the thing and kids fall off here there and everywhere but I really couldnt care less what anyone else thinks, if it means I get my shopping done and return with all 3 in tow then I will let her sit in the buggy when it all gets too much.

lanismum · 13/12/2009 23:01

luckyblackcat sorry to hear that, that is nasty, poor boy, hope he recovers soon!

Heated · 13/12/2009 23:02

Have no idea if they do this in a children sizes, but when I was in a leg cast for 6m, dh rang up Bluewater and booked a Shop-mobility wheelchair for me which I think was either free or at least very cheap.

But with a small dd who hates shopping & wanders off, no SN issues, I have done nearly all my shopping online this year through Amazon, John Lewis, M&S, Boden. The exception was a visit to ToysRUs which we did on late shopping night, and I had dh with me to be an extra pair of hands.

SleightiesChick · 13/12/2009 23:13

luckyblackcat I would start a thread, it really might help. Sorry your DS has had such a bad time. Hope he will be on an upward curve soon. Best wishes to you both.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 14/12/2009 20:17

luckyblackcat- I'm so sorry to hear that, poor little chap. I hope he gets better soon. You really should start a thread, when you feel up to it. I think it would help. Big hugg to you both.

OP posts:

merrycompo · 14/12/2009 20:21

When you say 'we' does that mean dd's dad? Can't he look after her while you shop?

luckyblackcat · 14/12/2009 22:25

I thought of you today mll, Ds in his maclaren, in his pjs with a cannula/gret big bandage thing on hand, all floppy and pale was allowed off his drip for a bit to go for a wander in the hospital. A bloke quipped, "hes too big to be in a pushchair."

I muttered wanker to myself and walked on.

thanks for all the support. If I start athread it will be a mamoth op and prob v boring. I am considering it though.

moomoomalarky · 15/12/2009 13:41

My dd is a very tall 2.5 and has some physical difficulties meaning she still falls over a lot. She will be in a pushchair for her own safety for a few years yet I would think. I have never yet had a comment but get a lot of 'looks'. I wish she could walk longer distances as she's getting so heavy to push around!

mummyloveslucy; I would go for online too but otherwise grit your teeth and take her in the pushchair - most people are so stressed about getting their Christmas shopping done they won't even notice

nappyaddict · 16/12/2009 13:37

luckyblackcat I can't believe people assume that it is a normal pushchair ... it's so much bigger than a normal pushchair surely it's obvious!! We've just got a Maclaren major and I was hoping it would stop people from staring cos DS is far too big for a normal pushchair now.

gemtkd · 17/12/2009 08:58

I have to admit I'd probably judge you if I saw you with an older child in a buggy!! Perhaps cos my dd1 has been out of a buggy since she was 2.

you can get these backpacks from john lewis that have like a lead on them!! my dd1 loves hers. and you can keep control of her much better.

I know how hard it can be chasing insane children around shops. But is it fair to her to use a buggy when she physically doesn't need it?

nappyaddict · 17/12/2009 13:48

gemtkd I bet you don't walk very far though? I can sometimes walk 8+ miles a day with DS in his pushchair. There is no way at 3.5 he would manage that.

rabbitstew · 18/12/2009 13:59

If you feel you can justify to yourself what you are doing, then ignore what self-righteous individuals who are not in possession of the full facts think about you. Why assume the worst of someone when they could be behaving entirely reasonably given the circumstances? In other words, people should not stand in judgment on the basis of ignorance.

Take your daughter shopping in a pushchair if that works best for you, and treat any comments with the contempt they deserve - the people commenting are the ones who should be ashamed of themselves.

cyberseraphim · 19/12/2009 08:05

Physically needing it is not the only reason SN children might use a pushchair but some people lack life experience and may not know that. My DS1 (ASD) was out of his at 2 though (and before we knew he was ASD) and we did use the Little Life back pack a lot so that could be an option if the 'silly starers' get to you.

foxinsocks · 19/12/2009 08:10

I probably wouldn't even notice

some people seem to think that getting children out of pushchairs is one of those races to prove your child is more advanced - ditto potty training, learning to read.

StealthPolarBear · 19/12/2009 08:12

are you going to buy a pushchair for a single visit to the shops? will you use it again?
(sorry, i know that's not what you're asking!!)

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 19/12/2009 08:13

tbh I would probably glance, judge, catch myself judging, chastise myself for judging as the child could have SN and then move on to my next thought all in about a second. Please don't care what other people think if it's the best way to get your shopping done with the least amount of stress then do it.

donnie · 19/12/2009 08:15

I had this about a year ago on MN - I wanted a buggy recommendation for my dd2 who was 3.5 at the time and I was roundly condmened by some people; she would become obese/I was an unfit mother, call the SS etc - my advice is get the buggy if you want and tell interfering harridans to piss off!

HTH!

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