Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

11 yo with behaviour issues

8 replies

jeni7 · 11/12/2009 22:32

Hello, I have 3 children, the eldest of whom is an 11 year old boy. Recently his behaviour has become quite difficult to deal with - he gives me a really hard time if I don't let him have his way about something, he can be quite rude and unpleasant sometimes. It's got to the point where I hate having to enforce boundaries, or ask him to do something, because I'm dreading the inevitable argument. I believe in dealing with conflict through rational discussion, but just seem to end up shouting half the time. He's also getting into trouble at school for being rude to the teachers, he has a reputation for being 'highly strung' I think, and I feel as though I'm being judged as a bad mother because of the way he's behaving. Particularly as my children have two different dads and I'm a single mother. Any ideas on how to deal positively and effectively with difficult behaviour in older children? Also I'm completely new to this on-line business. What does dc and ds mean?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
muminthemiddle · 12/12/2009 00:06

Hi
I don't really have a great deal of advice.
Just thought it might be a stage he is going through. Is he still at primary school and getting ready to go to high school? Perhaps he feels too old to be at primary iyswim.
Stick to your guns regarding the discipline but pick your battles so that you don't end up arguing over everything.

You seem to be going the right way about things.
Someone else might offer more helpful advice.

cat64 · 12/12/2009 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jeni7 · 13/12/2009 17:48

Yes, it did occur to me that perhaps he was starting to need more stimulation than his (very small) primary could provide. I hope to goodness it is just a stage, because at the moment I'm feeling like if this is what he's like now, then how am I going to cope with his teenage years! Thanks for the posts - appreciated

OP posts:
TillyMintSpy · 13/12/2009 17:54

Is this the first time he has behaved like this, or has he always been like this and just got worse recently? Maybe you're one of those very luckly mums who have had a gentle and relatively compliant son? Mine has been like this since he could talk!

I guess that either way, children get more cocky in Y6 - all my friends are complaining about it

jeni7 · 13/12/2009 18:47

He was certainly a born negotiator, and I try to see the positive in that. I'm glad he doesn't take everything he's told at face-value and that he expects people to back up and justify their opinions and decisions. But his constant pushing at the boundaries is so waring. I make a decision and he will literally follow me around the house arguing and arguing, trying to grind me down so I'll change my mind. He can become quite aggressive verbally which is definately a recent thing. I think perhaps he is on the cusp of puberty, but there are no other signs.

OP posts:
TillyMintSpy · 14/12/2009 07:00

"But his constant pushing at the boundaries is so waring. I make a decision and he will literally follow me around the house arguing and arguing, trying to grind me down so I'll change my mind." That could be my DS who is 8.

Oh dear, and I thought he couldn't get worse

cory · 15/12/2009 08:17

It is hard work, my 9yo has just got there. I think part of the answer (particularly with an 11yo) is to encourage him to take more responsibility, to see if he can think of himself as more grown-up- but at the same time make it clear that if he behaves like a baby, you will treat him as a baby.

Tortington · 15/12/2009 08:22

i have three teenagers and it is a steep learning curve from the parenting you do when they are 8 or 9.

but kids are so vastly diferent - my eldest son - omg, i can't negotiate with him ....PLEAD, BEG, scream, shout.

the twins....i can negotiate all day, discuss...like i was the dream mother from a parenting book.

my point is - don't beat yourself up - you have exactly the right idea regarding discussion - asking them the questions like.."so what chores do you reasonably think you and your sibling should do? and what negative sanction should you get if you don't do it? what positive sanction should you get if you do..."

that kind of thing

but if it all turns to shit - just know....some kids are just like that !!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page