do we tell our toddler we're going out at night?

[skerriesmum]

Dh and I hadn't been out together alone since April, but as it happens we've had plans the last two weekends. Both times our ds, nearly 2 and a half, was asleep before we left, but woke later at night and got very upset that we weren't there. He knows both babysitters really well (my mil and close neighbour); I'm sure it would have been much worse if it had been a stranger. So from now on should we tell him when he's going to bed that we're going out but we'll see him in the morning, or what? We're afraid that if we tell him he'll never go to bed and then whoever's babysitting will have the evening from hell. Any advice or ideas welcome!

i have always made it a point of telling my kids i was going out. i think it makes them more secure bcoz they know where they are at.
my parents never just slipped out, and neither have i. though mil used to get stressed that i was saying goodbye. she never understood why i didnt just vanish. but i think it keeps them more settled, and hopefully, it means that when they are older, they wont leave the house without telling you they are going.

Personally, i tell dd (2.5yr) when me and dh are going out. I always think its better that way - they learn that you do come back but you're also being honest with them.

Sometimes she gets a wee bit upset but 9 times out of ten she's fine and if she wakes up whilst we're out she knows whats going on.

HTH X

how about a trial run?
tell him you are going out one night when your mil/neighbour are there/going to be there but you aren't really going out. see how he reacts. at least that way it doesn't spoil your evening

we started telling ours from about age 3 and a half

We always tell ds when we are going out on the grounds that if he does wake up and we've just disappeared that would be frightening. We just explain that mummy and daddy are going out now but we'll be back later to give you a kiss when you are asleep and we'll be here when you wake up in the morning. Babysitters have never had a problem with him - like you, we only leave him with people he knows very well (his past keyworkers from nursery). We also tend to make sure babysitters come round before he goes to bed so he meets them and knows they are there and we are going out. Don't know if that's particularly helpful - we've got the sort of babysitters who don't mind putting him to bed.

ds is nearly 2, btw.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm just not sure WHEN to tell him... I guess during the bedtime routine? His is really long, minimum half an hour of stories, songs, etc. I'm such a pushover! No wonder we never go anywhere

We've rarely had anyone else put him to bed; the arrangement with my neighbour is that we babysit for each other once the kids are asleep (she has two and they're older). But she's more into going to the pub while we like concerts and films, so it's tricky to have him down and asleep and still get somewhere on time. I think the answer could be just to get the babysitters to put him to bed and then it's not like we're sneaking out.

you could try reading him a book about a babysitter,Topsy and Tim and the babysitter.I would tell him.I once babysat for a little boy whom i had not met,he woke and had wee;d himself his parents had not told him they were going out he freaked when he seen me it took me an hour to coax him into changing he was 4yrs old.

I always tell DD (who is 3). I start mentioning it the day before - casually, then a couple of times in the day we are going out. Then before we go I tell her who will be looking after her. She does occassionally get a bit upset, but she has to get used to it!!