My 21mo doesnt interact at cm. Don't know what to do!

[Nibbly]

Hi, my lo has just turned 21 months. He has been going to a childminders 3 days a week since he was 11 months old. I changed cm about 3 months ago because she seemed not to stimulate him very much. He loves his new cm and has come on leaps and bounds in his speech...but only when he's at home! At the cm and the groups she takes him to, apparently he never speaks, never interacts with other children, doesn't play with the toys or anything. She is a very experienced cm with children of her own, so I'm a bit concerned she mentioned it as odd. When he is at home, he chats away constantly and has quite a good vocabulary, I think. When I take him to toddler groups, he seems to play with the toys, although still not as much as some of the other kids. He didn't walk until he was 17 months and he doesn't eat with a spoon. He knows how to because he has done it, but doesn't seem to want to. I just don't know what's wrong. Does he just not like being away from me, or is it something more serious?

nibbly I can't tell you if thee is aything wrong with your LO but I can offer you my experiences.

I am a childminder and I used to be a nanny and I have about 42 younger cousins so I have been around children A LOT! I currently mind 2 17 month olds and 2 23 month olds.

Only one of the 23 month olds can feed themselves, both of the 17 month olds can. The 23 month old that can't doesn't really like eating so has no interest in learning how to do it.

When we go to toddler groups 1 17 month old plays by herself, theother whizzes around like a loon. The 1 23 month old runs between me and the pretend kitchenbring me "food" and some times goes on the slide. The other 23 month old wanders around but doesn't "play" with anyone. He enegages with the toys but not so much the other children. Unless they have food / something else he wants!

I have no concerns about any of these children they just have theor own little personalities and interests.

What do you think could be "wrong" with your LO. Maybe he just isn't that fussed on other children? Children don't really play together till 2/3ish roughly. Maybe all the toys are boring? Does he play at home?

My little boy is was not a big 'interacter' when he was younger (he's better now, but only with kids that he's known for literally ages), and at playgroups he would not leave my side at all.

Maybe after 3 months the new cm is still all a bit strange for him.

And maybe she does not neccessarily see his behaviour as 'odd/worrying' but as 'odd/bit-of-a-pain-in-the-bum', because she might prefer him to just get on with things. I don't mean to rubbish her, but I'm sure she'd prefer an easy kid, one who obviously entertains himself.

As long as he does not show signs of not wanting to go to cm, I wouldn't worry. He might just want to concentrate on watching what's going on around him just now

I was worried he might be on the autistic spectrum, but he plays at home with all his toys and with older kids and interacts with us all the time, so seems to have no general social issues.

He loves it at the cm, and has no trouble going in. My friend recommended her and drops her son off after me. She always says he's laughing and smiling when she goes round. He just watches the other kids.

Thanks for the experiences though. They've been really helpful

My dd was like this at 21 months - didn't really play with toys much and was a 'watcher' but does have more confidence now to join in with the others at the CM and toddler group. One day he'll just decide to join in - doesn't sound like there are any other red flags to worry about with his development to me!

My son is on the autistic spectrum and your description of your DS at home is reassuring. But as your CM has raised her concerns what I would do is look at MCHAT which is a screening tool for autism. It will give you a much better idea what signs to look out for, because I am sure you are going to worry now this has been raised. If he does tick some boxes and especially any critical ones, do go and talk to your GP / HV as early intervention can make a huge difference. Hopefully you won't be ticking many boxes. It would be hard to diagnose autism before 2 and even harder where there isn't a clear language delay as children vary so much at that age. But if you are worried do not let other people reassure you, go and get it checked out, children with autism often have to be taught things very directly, they don't just pick it up from watching others, so you need to know that to be able to take a different approach. However it sounds like your son does watch others, which is positive.

Hi, Thanks for yur replies everyone. i spoke to out GP about it and she thinks he's just taking time to get used to the new childminder and toddler groups, especially as he does play with other children when I'm there. The playgroup I take him to he has been going to for a year, and he's only now started getting involved with the activities. I will speak to the health visitor as well though and do that Mchat test.