2 year old refuses to behave for her mum

[michaelmarley2707]

Hi

I hope I can get some advice. My two year old daughter, who will be three at the end of February, refuses to behave for her mum.

If I am around or on my own with her, her behaviour is fantastic and she always does as she is told. Normally she is very placid and very friendly.

Leave her with her mum, or if her mum walks into the room, the best way to describe it, is all hell breaks lose. She refuses to listen to her, ignores everything. I think the worse thing is she tells her mum, she doesnt like her and only mis-behaves as she is hear. She also tells her she wants her to go ahead and not come back.

I have no idea what to do and we are slowly drifting apart as her behaviour is causing problems in our relationship. Any advice would be greatly welcomed.

Thanks for reading and maybe helping.

Michael

Is your wife looking after her and you work? Maybe she's just very very good with you, because she sees much less of you, and for the rest of the time she's just normal. Are you sure you're expectations are not too high? Ive never heard of a 2 or 3 year old who behaves or does what she / he's told to do. Mine surely doesn't.

Where do the probs in your relationship come from? From you? Or is your wife saying that she can't cope?

Sorry, if this is just questions, but I'm trying to understand the dynamics in your family.

sounds like a pretty typical 2/3 year old girl from what I've seen of mine

heard the teenage years are worse so brace yourselves

Hey Laura

We both work full time and our little one is at the nursery at my work, so I am her main carer.

I hope my expectations are too high, a lot of this is based upon what my wife has told me. The problems come from both sides as I feel I am caught in the middle and my wife says she doesnt know how to deal with this.

Thanks for your queries.

Hey Sanfairyann

Thanks - something to look forward to

i think sometimes it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy tbh

my other half claims that the children are worse for him. he expects them to be so he is automatically harsher with them, and snappier with them... this in turn upsets them and makes them behave worse. thus "proving" his point.

i have to agree, that she sounds like a typical 2 yr old to be honest!

maybe it would help if your wife could start afresh, without thinking to herself "oh, she's alwayss so naughty for me". maybe you could sit with her and write down things that you do with your daughter in certain sitautions, for your wife to try? (ie, what do YOU do when she misbehaves? it's important that you are both doing the same)

i also think maybe it would be good if your wife could spend more time with your daughter, maybe doing a 1-2-1 activity when you aren't around

sure you two are pulling the same rope? do you help out if dd is nasty to her mum, telling her is not acceptable etc?

My daughter, who is exactly a year older than yours, is also much naughtier for me than for her Dad, whom she adores. Today she had a special hour at pre-school for Christmas rehearsals and didn't want to leave. She then started screaming and told me I was hurting her feelings by not getting a job so she could stay at pre-school all the time! Yes I was very upset. You are not the only family to be going through this and I find I am sometimes harsher with her than I should be as her words can be really cutting. Does your wife find this too?

It's important to step back from her actual words to think what she might be really trying to express. Later on today, for example, it turned my daughter had wanted to do an art project at school that she couldn't as I'd picked her up.

I definitely agree with thisisyesterday that your wife needs to spend more time with her on their own, maybe taking her swimming, or going to a cafe for a drink together so she's all grown up?